The Independent…..what a gaggle of cunts.

Today’s headlines:

If a no deal brexit could cause water shortages and a return to the black market, fear is a rational response…….

(I was going to leave the cunting there, as I feel there’s no further explanation needed, but I’ll add a little for context)

The story continues to list some of Michael Gove’s ‘bumps in the road’, that may occur due to a No-deal Brexit. Note the headline above, but the ‘story’ itself lists “low” threat level water shortages, although doesn’t go any further to describe what that actually means. First off, how is us being a part of the European Union or not, going to affect how much rain we get? This is utter madness. Are people reading this and still thinking that project fear has any credibility to it?!

The best line from the author comes in the next paragraph. “The most offensive part, for me, is the blatant deception”. Oh the fucking irony. Remainer MPs have spouted a load of bullshit scaremongering, and you’re offended that our government are somehow trying to deceive you by saying it’s not true. I want out, away from these people, I don’t care where, just fucking away. There’s too many of the cunts, we’ve created some kind of haven for mongs, and if you question them you’re branded a bigot.

Fuck off.

Nominated by elboobio

I want to nominate die hard Apple fans who appear to have a blindly following, Jim Jones cult-like mentality to a shiny piece of metal and glass, because its made by Apple.

I work with a couple of these fuckers and there are times where I have to test my self restraint to the limits so as not to be overcome by rage and twat someone with a keyboard like James McAvoy does in ‘Wanted’.

I recently bought a new laptop and one of them asked if I got a MacBook, to which I replied ‘no’. He then sneered derision on me and told me I must be poor. Well no actually. Its more down to the fact that I don’t see the point in paying over £1k for a glorified V-Tech infants laptop. I’m pretty IT and financially savvy and I know that I can get a top of the range HP/Toshiba/Dell etc. for about £500 less than a CackBook Pro and I can actually do work on it.

As in proper work. You know, like adults do, not fucking 1/2 caffeinated, soy latté drinking, bearded, avocado guzzling, hipster millenials, who have paid £1300 to surf the web and go on Kuntsagram and upload their weird didgeridoo trance avant garde nerd rock, or whatever the fuck they listen to.

Also if I’m so poor, why is it that I have my own house and car and can afford to go on holiday abroad each year, while he still lives with his parents?

Another one of them pipes up with ‘Apple stuff’s better mate. I hate android phones’. Yet when I asked why, he can’t come up with a convincing argument to back it up. I asked if he was happy about the fact that Apple don’t give a fuck about their customers and deliberately slow down older versions of their products, so that people are forced into buying new phones, watches?
…silence.

All this brand fanboy stuff is a load of fucking bollocks. Do people compare toasters against each other, or microwaves? Whenever a new product is released all the Apple sheep queue up for hours to get one at midnight.

It is all style over substance, you cunts. If Apple products are so good, why is it all the big financial corporations, energy companies, Governments, NASA, etc. all seem to use machines running windows? Oh yes, that’ll be because they can actually do work on them and they’re more cost effective and integrate with all other equipment and software.

Well done though, Apple. You’ve tapped into the hive mind of these gullible cunts, ‘Keeping up with the Joneses’ type cunts, by presenting them with shiny sparkly things to keep them mollified like fucking simpletons.

Sorry for the dissertation

Dissert away, Mr Steptoe. Great cunting – Admin

Nominated by Harold Steptoe

Bored of living, but can’t bring yourself to admit it?

Then why not watch television! Without any physical effort on your part you can switch off your brain and allow television to occupy your entire life. Not only can you exclude the rest of the world including your family, you can also allow deviant ideas about the entire world to be fed directly into the centre of your mind.

Thanks to television you can kiss goodbye to delusions of grandeur and get used to a constant downward spiral when it comes to acting, drama, sport and music. Thanks to the wonder of television you can now sell your soul and pay good money to corrupt organisations who harbour criminals of all descriptions.

And there’s more!

Thanks to television you will lose all self-respect and utterly fail to do anything about anything at all that bothers you. You will even fail to stop watching. You can delight in the freedom from hobbies and other cumbersome, past times. Why do something difficult, rewarding, creative or passionate when you just prop open your eyelids and stare?

Wait! It gets better!

For those who still crave some kind of interaction with others – now you can endlessly talk about television! Amazing!

And finally –

The deluxe package for the dedicated viewer – television can exceed your wildest dreams by ensuring both a breathtaking decline in fitness and a mind blowing increase in weight. Some of our prestige customers have even had the side of their houses removed in order to attend hospital! Many of our best customers have died watching television!

Do you want to forget how to spell and perform basic arithmetic?
Do you want to forget about real people and adore cunts with topknots and vacuous slags instead?
Would you like to forget all the finer details about everything, and enter into a world of fuzzy misdirection?

Don’t get left behind! Watch television now, you stupid cunt!

Nominated by Cuntflap

I’m nominating the teachers who send their pupils on climate strikes.

It’s bad enough that Extinction Rebellion harp on about climate change being an imminent threat like some crazed conspiracist, but to worry children with all this complicated stuff? Politics should be kept out of the classroom, because schools are there for young minds to learn new skills.

So, to those teachers who pull this crap… You’re all cunts.

Nominated by Pissed off Brit

A ‘Goodness Gracious Me’ cunting please for this dusky soy boy who confronted Boris at an East London hospital today, to complain about the NHS – it’s not acceptable to him apparently, the waiting, the lack of doctors and nurses.

It turns out that this grandstanding, SJW wanker is an active member of the Labour Party, and you can only assume that when the election comes and there are more news cameras around ever more desperate lefties will be giving such barnstorming performances.

Of course Wireless 4 are relishing the story and are running it as top item on PM – is it “damaging to Boris Johnson?” ever so innocent Evan Davies, spinster of this parish, announced with faux concern.

I would just say to the gobby Mr. Salem that if less of his compatriots stopped coming to the UK for the generous benefits , including the NHS, and if he himself was to shut the fuck up, the NHS might be slightly better – especially with money invested that will not go to the 4th Reich.

I don’t think Salem’s efforts will make Steptoe any more palatable to normal people.

Nominated by W. C. Boggs