I have nothing against toothpicks as such as they are practical and hygienic but I can´t stand people who use them* in public to dig out masticated bits of bacon fat, stringy ligaments of foot and mouth quality “beef”, sniff and inspect them then flick them away or shove them back into their cakeholes.

Like nose picking and arse wiping, tooth picks should be used in private away from other eyes, particularly mine. Remebre if you ever get an invite to dinner chez moi, no toothpick no cry!

*The official name for these culprits is “toothpickers”, according to the standard reference work on food etiquette “The Good Table Manners Handbook for Cunts” by Dick Foxchaser-Fiddler and Ron Knee published by ISAC Press. Discounts of up to 1% for ISAC readers.

Nominated by: Mr Polly