Sorry Jeezum, thought you meant his pussies not a fucking cat. C.A.

I found this delightful little non-news story on the BBC news website (where else?)

As well as Larry, and Kiers own family cat, Jojo, the Starmer family were contemplating getting a German Shepherd. Two cats and a GSD, what could possibly go wrong? The perfect combination!

Anyway, after much discussion, the family Starmer decided to purchase a Siberian kitten instead. Hardly any difference between a GSD and a Siberian attack cat.

Fuck me sideways, is this an attempt, by the BBC, to make Starmer appear more like a real boy and not a wooden puppet being manipulated via the strings under someone else’s control?

Hello? It’s not working. Hello? Can you hear me?

I wonder if his nose will grow everytime he lies?

bbcnews

Nominated by Jeezum Priest.

Additional material provided by W. C. Boggs:

This wannabee Blair has fucked up yet again. It seems that not only is the Toolmaker Son, so poor (well he only has £8 million to his name poor cunt) he accepts charity from a rich donor who buys all his clothes and glasses, he has such a lack or pride he accepted them for his wife as well.

This government has lost all it’s goodwill and popularity – he has only been “in” for two months, and we are already fucked off by his own brand of sleaze (friends of his and Sue Gray – including her own son – given jobs within government), the constant desire to look tough, which might pay off dangerously over his stance in Ukraine., being told what to do by his large collection of bum boys etc etc. Old has-beens from a decade or more ago,l to show that they have learned nothing and are even more stupid and dim than they were then – PixieBalls Cooper-Balls, Edward Miliband, even more fucked up than they were 15 years ago. Enough already!

Daily Express.

The clothes donor is also a poofter, and got special access to the Downing Street garden. He sure loves men in receipt of swollen goods!

What an absolute cunt and a fraud this man is.

The television companies must have thought that they were on to a woke winner when this cockney, four eyed person of colour (edit) came onto the scene.

Now they are fucked after he has been investigated and charged for controlling and coercive behaviour against his estranged wife.

One of the many bull shit stories that this man has invented about himself is that he was semi literate until he was diagnosed with dyslexia in university.

So how the fuck did he get into university?

His programme with his ‘good friend’ Dame Judy Dench, which was called The Odd Couple, will now have to be shelved, not to be repeated.

As will his other programme with his ‘best mate’ Sir David Jason, The Travelling Tool Shed.

Are we really expected to believe that either of these respected actors had a fucking clue who Jay Blades was before the TV companies asked for them to co-star?

Jay Blades first appeared on the telly on some shit programme hosted by the fat, ex-public schoolgirl, Kirsty Allsopps Workshop.

He invented himself as some avant-garde furniture restorer, but as he obviously didn’t have the talent to make any money in that trade, he started a charity.

That charity allegedly went bust. This ruined him financially and caused him to contemplate suicide.

He should have stopped contemplating and just fucking done it in my opinion.

A charity is supposed to be run for the benefit of others so how did it closing have any effect on his own personal finances.

Why was the charity and his personal income from it not investigated?

Could that possibly be that he is black?

Jay Blades is a talentless person of colour (edit) bastard. He fronts the TV show The Repair Shop where he wanders around like he is in charge without actually doing anything.

It’s going to take some clever editing to keep him off our TV screens in the future.

Birmingham Mail.

Nominated by : The Artful Cunter

Additional evidence for the prosecution from W. C. Boggs:

May I strongly endorse this nomination?. Blades started out (minus glasses but with a thick leather apron) on the afternoon show “Money For Nothing” (probably in honour of his pay cheque). His trick was to be given a wooden chair. It MIGHT get a light sandpapering, if he had the energy, but it would invariably be painted all black, except for one leg – which would be painted shocking pink, or pillar box red or golden yellow (‘cos that’s cool, innit?).

Like our Dear Leader, he never needed glasses till he became famous) and like our Dear Leader seems to live in a fantasy world of his own – in his original MFN introductions he described himself as “a former philosophy stoodent”. It would be interesting to know which schmuk took him on at which university, especially as he sounds as dim as a glow-worms armpit. The BBC was forced to show yet another chopped down Garden Rescue last night with that awful mincing little poof, Lee somebody-or-other. Perhaps Blade’s disgrace will lead to the end of that syrupy maudlin Repair Shop. As I have always said every cloud has a silver lining. Now make my day – let somebody catch Ant & Dec cottaging.

DIY haircuts ( just don’t)

Like this chap, I bought hairclippers during lock down, because I was fed up of looking like a Wookie, and the eyebrows!

I got Elder to do the biz ( or buzz, if you prefer)

FecesBook.

Now, I’m a bit tight-fisted, I am from Yorkshire after all, so I’ve never gone back to the Speedy Barber, relying on Elder to buzz the nut. However, she’s busy atm, so I decided to DIY. Bad mistake.

I’d run the clippers over, all looked well. Took the guide off and cleaned the clippers, ready to tidy up the neck hair, round the ears, sideburns.

Grabbed the vacuum to clear up the clippings before the dog ate them ( yes, he’s that stupid), realised that I’d missed a couple of spots at the back, grabbed the clippers and…

Yes, you’ve guessed, Grant Mitchelled a couple of tramlines into the back of my head.

Absolutely mortified, I looked a right cunt, I did the only thing possible, which was…..

Let me tell you, wearing a beanie hat is very uncomfortable, on warm days.

So, fellow Cunters (Don’t) DIY, when it comes to haircuts, unless you favour the billiard ball look.

Nominated by : Jeezum Priest

More thick middle class cuntheads. who believe wrecking a statue ‘settles the score’ with some bloke who lived over a hundred years ago.

Now it’s some uppity cunts, whining about something that happened to abos in Australia many years ago. All about them Black black blackty black. Yawn. Heard it all before.

Somebody should tell these utter fuckwits that William Crowther died a long time ago.It achieves nothing. Stupid as fuck. Any cunt who has a ‘beef’ with a stone or metal statue needs a psychiartist very quickly. Cunts

BBC News.

Nominated by : Norman

I am a cynical cunt, and it’s reports like this that make me so.

BBC News.

This lady decided to attend a pro Palestinan rally in Londonistan with a placard depicting Rishi Sunak and Suella Braverman as coconuts having fallen from a coconut tree.

Her only defence seems to be it was intended to be ‘satirical’ although a dark skinned person being referred to as a coconut is a racial slur meaning dark on the outside, but white on the inside. This is the point the prosecution put forward, and again, she said it wasn’t racist but ‘satirical’ Was she asked why these people were depicted at coconuts? If she was, it certainly wasn’t in the report, and if she wasn’t I really would like to hear her reasons why…as there can be no other reason than what I have described above.

So, why may I ask was she not prosectuted and let free? Here is where my cynical side comes in…….she is a Muslim.

When we have white English being sent down for ridiculously petty and trumped up charges to ‘make a point’ for lesser ‘crimes’ such as hurty words on fakebook I do wonder.

Nominated by : Chuff Chugger

With further legal analysis by Sam Beau:

I`d like to second this cunting by providing another link which totally exonerates the cunt:

Cage.ngo Link.

Unbelievable.