Ed Sheeran is a colossal cunt…

The cunt’s latest album is apparently about ‘collaborations’… Which basically means this ginger gargoyle will work with any fucker who is trendy (ie: ‘Stormzy’) at the moment in order to get more kudos and hits. What I hate about him is it isn’t about a love of music or the thrill of playing to an audience…it’s just about success and how much of that he can get.

The gremlin has already yapped on about wanting to be ‘the most popular kid in the school’ and ‘first in the sports race is all that matters’. Comparing his chart success to school situations shows what an emotional and childish gnome he really is. Now the cunt is showing off a letter from a music college showing that he failed in every subject or area, like that is something to be proud of anyway? What makes him a cunt is the ‘I’ll show you all’ attitude he has. He can’t be gracious about his success…he gives it the ‘Told you so’ and ‘Who’s popular now?’ shite and rubs people’s faces in it.

The Beatles were turned down by Decca, the Smiths rejected by Factory, but they didn’t go on about it or display it at an ‘exhibition’ while they still existed as bands. Sure, a memorabilia crammed Stones or Floyd exhibition 50 years later for a band who really achieved something, but an Ed Sheeran one? Now?

What a self important cunt he is… and he’s crap anyway.

Nominated by Norman

Vapers are cunts.

Not those little pen type things, but those massive, fuck off, suitcase-sized, mains powered fuckers. They emit enormous clouds of vapour into the atmosphere. It’s like standing next to a cherry/vanilla/tobacco/dog cheese/wombat womb (insert your own flavour) power station. And you know you’re breathing in air that’s just been in the lungs of the vaper.

Not nice. Just piss off and pollute in private.

Nominated by Bertram Cuntatious DCO

A cunting please for Konnie Huq.

The pointless former Blue Peter bimbo had an epic meltdown on the Jeremy Vine show this week and started foaming at the mouth and screeching the following demented refrain at her fellow guests – “Would you want Brexit to happen now if suddenly the new term was that everybody’s head got chopped off”.

WTF!!!!

Keep taking the pills, Konnie. Oh and by the way, you’re a cunt.

Nominated by Marvellous Mechanical Cunting Machine

Two items on the news this morning showing how the poison that is religion continues to infect the secular West:

1/ A pioneering heart surgeon Sir Terence English suggests it may be possible in a few years to transplant pig’s hearts into human beings. Apparently, some people have “religious scruples” about this.

2/ The World Health Organisation has stripped the UK of its measles-free status. Apparently, the MMR vaccine contains pig gelatine.

We all know that Heaven hates ham!

Seriously, this shit is still going on as we approach the third decade of the 21st century? I’m not against religious fucktards partaking in their religion so long as they keep their shit to themselves and, more importantly, pay for their shit themselves. I object in the extreme to religious fucktards interfering in serious issues like medicine and public health.

I blame religious fucktards for the pain and suffering my late grandmother and my wife’s late grandfather went through at the end of their lives because their imaginary friend doesn’t allow euthanasia.

Cunt off you fucking pricks.

Nominated by Lord Cunt’s Mate de Cunt 1st Earl of ISAC

We’ve all seen them, in fact they’re hard to miss. The famous and not-so-famous, using their status to help flog some product or other.

There they are, with a shit-eating smirk and the sincerity of a used car salesman, telling how much of a difference it will make to our lives if we buy this, that or the other. There’s nothing new under the sun of course, and celebrity endorsements have been around for donkey’s. Who, for example, could possibly forget the nation’s favourite granny, Thora Hird, being put up to this one;
‘Churchill’s are the only stairlift company I trust, and I recommend them to you’
(translation into English; ‘they’re paying me loadsa money to use my name’)

Then there’s dear old Michael ‘Parky’ Parkinson feeding us this line;
‘We’d all like to leave something for our loved ones or to help with funeral costs, and with Sun Life Over 50s Plan, you can do just that. The first month’s premium is free, and you get a free pen just for applying’
(translation into English; ‘they’re paying me loadsa money to use my name’)

We all know why companies do it. They want an influential figure who they think ‘fits’ the product, and relates to the target audience. Suave George Clooney is there to give ‘Martini’ a sophisticated allure. On the other hand, Ray ‘Jack the Lad’ Winston is there to remind goggle-eyed SkySport watchers every five minutes that he ‘bets wisponsibly wiv bet365’. Horses for courses.

Naturally Joe Public is meant to be reassured by the sight of a well-known face fronting up a product. They’re famous, right? They must be nice, we can trust them not to try to dupe us. Definitely. So ‘Parky’ punts a saving plan to gullible oldies, even though ‘Which?’ magazine and other consumer groups warn that it’s a fucking shit deal which commits you to pay the premium for life, and will probably pay out less than the sum paid in. And we can all remember Mr Savile back in the day, urging us to travel on British Rail. Such a nice, decent man. Then there was good ol’ John Peel, still telling us that ‘it’s an Equitable Life’, even as the company collapsed into ruin. I was one of thousands caught out by that campaign, but I bet you got your cash, you Scouse cunt. Still we keep falling for it. Must do, because companies continue to pour millions into the pockets of people who’ve already got loads; to persuade us to shell out our hard earned on stuff we probably don’t really want or need, just so that we’ll think we’re in good company.

Fuck off you devious, manipulative, avaricious cunts.

Nominated by Ron Knee