A Concours cunting is badly needed for yet another weak as piss snowflake cunt, Sharleen Ndungu.

“Who the fuck is that?” I hear you ask. She’s another attention-seeking mong who is now apparently “traumatised for life” after being served a sausage roll with (shock horror) pork in it because she’s a vegan AKA an easily lead “look at how cutting edge I am” cunt.

To quote: A woman claims she started having heart palpitations and broke down in tears after being served a sausage roll that contained sausage. Sharleen Ndungu, 20, is vegan and she went to get a bite to eat at Greggs in Canterbury, Kent. But when she started eating it she realised the sausage roll contained real meat. She said: ‘I haven’t had meat in two years. My belly started hurting and my heart started going crazy. ‘I was panicking because that only happens when I consume meat – this doesn’t happen when I have other food. I’m traumatised for life now – I’m never going to Greggs again.’

Traumatised? My arse. Fucking dumb millennial cunt. Mountain out of a molehill syndrome just to gain paper articles and soshal meedja coverage. The people who have experienced real trauma are those who are scarred from war and genocide, not by going to Greggs and expecting them to pander to the demands of an over-entitled Twattermong.

Fuck off.

Nominated by TwatVarnish

Nomination please for the 2019 World Athletics Championships in Doha.

Sport is of course a vice of mine, and I appreciate not everyone shares the sentiment. But this event encompasses so many cunts from so many elite tier corps, that it is an unmissable opportunity to gather said parties for a mass, machine-gun cunting.

i) First and foremost, the over-priced dust bowl that is Doha. With rich petrol-barons sheiking their over-inflated wallets to bribe the IAAF into awarding them these games, we have seen nothing short of a farce. Zero crowds, marathons on 40ºC heat and 70% humidity, and a sterile, soulless light show that makes even armchair sports wankers like me switch off.

ii) IAAF, for being a corrupt body of cunts, happy to sell out their athletes just for some of that lovely oil money. Oh, and also for dumping in ‘mixed relays’ at the last minute, just for those extra woke points of cuntliness.

iii) Sebastian Coe – a man so imbibed with the most potent of all cuntitudes, that merely typing this self-important behemoth of cunt’s name causes an acidic aftertaste in the fucking mouth. This cunt of course presided over the corrupt bid for this joke of a championships, and has demonstrated time and time again – just as he did with his orchestrated deification at the London Olympics – what an epitome of all-time cunt he has become.

iv) The BBC. Now did you seriously think that the BBC would turn up to this shitfest and really let so many others steal their cunt-thunder? Not a fucking chance. Coverage which sees 90% pointless, cringeworthy chat between arch-cunts like Gabby Logan and Colin Jackson; over-repetition on any nameless, British also-ran performance, at the expense of actually opvering the sporting action in real time; wistfully reminiscing over Caster Semen-ya; pretending that Mo Farah isn’t a cunt and worst of all, the unforgivable crime of giving Steve Cram gainful employment.

What an absolute festival of cunts. Roll on this Sunday when it is all over.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back

~Extinction Rebellion,
What a bunch of tossers and the closest thing we will get to the Greenham common women in our time.
Why? well individually they are either massive hypocrites whose husbands have crushed and polluted the masses to enable their “Ethical lifestyle”.
Then we have the smelly hippy, never done a days work but know a lot of stuff types, they make me fucking puke too.
so what are the cunts doing? Fucking up London again, although truth be known its pretty fucked anyway without their help, or perhaps I should say the working part of London.
I was watching plod clear them off a bridge earlier, not how I would do it I will say just chuck the fuckers over the side, they would soon think at least once before attempting that stunt again.
And fuck word fence too!

Nominated By Lord Benny.

Could my nomination for London Cunterground be considered please?

London Cunterground have managed to defy the laws of physics. According to their train timetable system, 1 min and 38 seconds of terrestrial time is 1 min of London Cunterground time. Whilst standing at Stratfordstantinople Station this morning, I compared the timing of their indicator board with my own very accurate Seiko watch and the findings were astonishing. I have never stood so long waiting for a train, supposedly one minute away, to finally clatter in.

London Cunterground is not the only operator that has its own unique dimension of time. Network Cunting Rail tried to convince me that a train that took 8 minutes to reach the station was 1 minute away at the start of the 8 minute period and that stayed the case until the wheezy old loco crawled into the station in time for the driver to jump out in seek of a cup of tea and presumably some Battenburg.

Fuck London Cunterground and its Martian time zones. I blame ‘Quatermass and the Pit’ for their chicanery.

Cunts.

Nominated by Paul Maskinback

Led Zeppelin are cunts…

Nothing to do with their music. They were a great band most of the time, but the way the music media and their touchy as fuck fans canonise them as people takes the piss. Whenever Page is interviewed he is never asked about Aleister Crowley or Lori Mattix. Cunts like MOJO and Uncu(n)t just go on about how great he was. Then there’s the fanbase. Every time a book or article about the band comes out with something they don’t like in it, there’s endless whining about ‘distortion’ and inaccuracy’. It’s common knowledge that the likes of Page, Bonham, Grant, Cole and Bindon were authentic, deluxe cunts, Plant and Jones being the only two half decent blokes in the Zeppelin circus…but most of their fans are grovelling apologists who say crap like ‘It was a different time’ and ‘Bonzo was a thug because of the drink’. And the way they try to explain Oakland away is hilarious.

A great band as musicians, but come off it, they were cunts.

Nominated by Norman