The fake Conservatives’ Online Safety Bill.

Make the most of this esteemed site while you still can dear cunters.

In December 2019 the Conservative (in name only) political party won a landslide election on the promise of “getting Brexit done”. (Hidden away in the small print of their manifesto were the details of some truely pernicious climate change policies but that’s been highlighted before – here’s another subject to add to the list of disingenuous laws these cunts are going to force upon us to say nothing of Brexit actually being BRINO in reality.)

If you voted for Brexit, chances are, part of your desire to ditch the EU’s shackles was to get away from the endless EU Directives intended to control every small aspect of your life and making everything simple bloody awkward. The EU‘s “cookie law” is a prime example. I had hoped that, as part of Brexit, this would get binned straight away. But no, it’s still there pissing me off on a daily basis with irritating, and completely varied and random, pop-ups that you can never get rid of.

Some Yank websites have the right idea of dealing with this law and simply state something along the lines of “we don’t support EU bullshit so if you are in Europe fuck off we ain’t going to let you use our website” (a breath of fresh air in a fucked up world IMO).

Back to the main subject: the Online Safety Bill. There’s no EU pushing this one it’s all Doris’s own work. His own cookies law but it’s much worse than that.

This fucked up idea is designed to clamp down on free speech on the Internet with the force of a 1,000 megaton nuclear bomb. God forbid you diss Sparkletits once this law is in place – you’ll be facing a ten stretch!

Can I have my 2019 vote back please – I don’t want these total cunts running the UK they got in on false pretences!

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9571925/New-Online-Safety-Bill-risks-stifling-press-restricting-free-speech-campaigners-warn.html

Nominated by: mikdys 

On 13 May Flexicunt nommed Aussie cricketer Michael Slater for moaning in his luxury hotel suite about Covid restrictions, Aussie style.

The root cause of Slater’s problem is of course the typically Indian shambles of dealing with the pandemic. There I was along with a few million other Brits enduring lockdown here and tuning into the Channel 4 Ahmedabad Tests. Brand new 100,000 seater but restricted to 50,000 …… except instead of spacing the cunts out they were all crammed into the same enclosures, no masks, wetting their pants loudly every time Virat farted etc. There it was in plain sight, a super spread event unfolding in front of us. All too predictably they are where they are now and it’ll return here too again.

Despite it all, there was Modi, insisting in the usual wobble-headed Indian way that this ‘First World Country’ had “conquered“ Covid ; election campaigning went on; rallies continued. When one of the few brave cunts in Tinpot University pointed out the true situation said, “ typical India. Incompetence, arrogance, wishful thinking, overconfidence” he was of course dismissed as a lunatic and probably made to walk slowly and barefoot over 22yds of burning coals.

The final irony is that Ahmedabad Stadium is now named “Narendra Modi Stadium”. It’s like 90s Lords being renamed after that other psychopath AL Blair. Incredible.

The Modicunt once came to UK to meet some of his fans didn’t he, and if you want to read a sycophantic whitewash with no mention of his various dodgy dealings and ethnic abuses then read his Wikipedia hagiography.

Modi. Fuck off and drown in the shit-filled Ganges you fucker.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9547379/DAVID-JONES-millions-suffer-pandemic-Indias-narcissistic-leader-building-folly.html

Nominated by: Isaac Hunt

and seconded by Lazybiscuits

Seconding this. Let’s learn about lovely old peaceful Modi.

Firstly – he controls Indian media, you speak out you’re fucked.

2002 Gujarat riots: This is the biggest controversy of his career. First he was accused of masterminding it. Then he was accused of asking police to look the other way

Removed several bank notes from circulation with less than 24 hours notice causing havoc.

Asked all of India to provide ID to prove they were citizens under a ‘Government poll’. Anyone without ID (the poor) were automatically non-citizens under a new bill.

Only wants Hindus in Indian despite half the country not being Hindu. Which explains his current not giving a fuck about people dying ever and demanding elections go ahead.

The man is a fucking mental dictator who probably will result in the murder of millions. Oh wait he’s almost never mentioned in the media like this, he’s clearly lovely.

Apparently giving a nice ‘good afternoon ladies and gentlemen’ is offensive in 2021 to ‘non-binary’ people. Well maybe just say it in the mornings when those jobless students are still in bed?

How about ‘Good afternoon you cunts’. The company apologised for this. Seriously. What an attention seeking cunt looking for outrage at any time.

Personally I am going to demand on social media that Pulp reissue the album ‘His N Hers’ as ‘His, Hers & Whatever that is’ to cause less offense.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/14947366/train-firm-apologises-non-binary-ladies-gentlemen-announcement/

Nominated by: Lazybiscuits

…and this from Hard Brexit Cunt

A non-binary snowflake from the alphabet soup world of LGBTQ- called Laurence is a cunt.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/14947366/train-firm-apologises-non-binary-ladies-gentlemen-announcement/

The conductor/guard (none of this train manager bollocks) on an LNER service commenced an announcement with the words “Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, boys, and girls”. This upset sensitive Laurence who, like all delicate snowflakes, took to Twitter to declare that “as a non-binary person this announcement doesn’t actually apply to me so I won’t listen”.

For fuck’s sake, this cunt needs a biology lesson – there are two sexes: male and female. It may identify as non-binary but if ‘he’ takes off his trousers and drops his pants he will discover that where he imagines a vulva to be on even days of the month there is actually a micro-penis.

Some silly cunt from LNER responded with a tweet saying that “I will ensure that they remain inclusive as we try to be at LNER”. So next time you travel with LNER, don’t be surprised for announcements to begin with “Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, cunts and fucking freaks…”

Somebody else responded with: “My Dad was a train driver. If someone ‘non-binary’ tried kicking off at him over a tannoy announcement addressing passengers as ‘ladies and gentlemen”, I’m sure he’d have rightly told them to identify as a car and drive themselves the f*ck home.” At least there is some hope beyond IsAC.

Amazon delivery drivers are lazy cunts!
Doorbell goes and its some cunt holding a stack of parcels for every other bastard in the street.
“Can you take these for numbers 41 53 66 etc etc..

No FUCK OFF AND DIE!!

Nominated by: Kendo Nagasaki

The British Armed Forces

Apparently vegan soldiers and airmen are despondent due to the lack of vegan meal options in the Armed Forces. To add insult to injury, woke servicemen are also having to buy their own vegan Doc Martens (is there such a thing? – Ed.) because they cannot in all conscience wear the standard issue leather boots.

Quite right too!

A Vegan Society spokesperson bleated:

“Vegans in the UK, whether they serve in the British Forces or not, have the protection of human rights and equality law. Employers must do everything they can to remove any observed disadvantages faced by vegans. The Vegan Society has heard first-hand from those serving in the Army and RAF who have struggled, not only when it comes to the food on offer but also with uniforms, some having to buy vegan footwear at their own expense!

“These barriers not only make it more difficult for those already following a vegan lifestyle but also have the potential to put off those in the British Forces that are keen to give veganism a go.”

Pro-vegan Jo Foster, claiming to have inside knowledge of the Marines, informed your intrepid ISAC reporter that one Royal Marines training exercise ends with the slaughter and eating of a live rabbit or chicken.

“I didn’t join the Marines to kill rabbits and chickens”, whined Jo, “I signed up to kill people!”

A spokesperson for The Guild of Uphill Gardeners said:

“Guild president Gladimir Putin is quaking in his size 7 Pride issue marching boots.”

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9570595/Soldiers-moan-lack-plant-based-options-Armed-Forces.html

This Country Is Finished.

Nominated by: Ruff Tuff Creampuff