Last weekend somewhat tired and emotional I decided that a night in a hotel was preferable rather than getting the ferry home.
My favourite hotel is now an immigration hostel fucking cunts
It’s a listed 500 year old building, I suspect Mercure couldn’t resist the government contract
Cunts
Naturally the BBC didn’t do a follow up cunts
Nominated by: Navy Cunt
I can’t cunt this cunt enough. She’s always believed there is Islamophobia in the Tory party. And now that NusRAT Ghani has decided to have a #metoo moment, she’s at it again, the fat, dark key slag.
Now let’s just get this straight. The Tory party made her its chairperson. The Tory party elevated her immense self to the HoL. The Tory party is Islamophobic.
Fuck off, you fat, useless cunt. Nicklas Bendtner is more useful than you. Cunt.
Nominated by: Dark key cunt
Heseltine is a cunt of the highest order.
I refuse to call him Lord. That title is limited to our one and only Lord Fiddler.
Heseltine is a coffin-dodging cunt.
You never won anything apart from your seat in the HoC. Whichever cunt elevated you to the HoL is also a cunt. You are a cunt because you are an authoritarian. You are a cunt because you are a failure.
Micky Heseltine, you are a cunt, you cunt.
Nominated by: Dark key cunt
It’s the news that film fans everywhere have been waiting for! At last, Disney has announced that a ‘live action’ version of its 30s animated classic ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs’ is in the works.
Naturally the studio is anxious to parade its ‘progressive’ credentials to ‘woke’ Hollywood these days. Things seemed to get off to a flying start with the casting of Latino actress Rachel Zegler as the ‘fairest of them all’ Ms White.
Unfortunately for Disney, into the fray stepped 4′ 5″ superstar Peter Dinklage, who accused the studio of double standards. He ranted ‘they were proud to cast a Latino actress…you’re progressive in one way, but you’re still making that fucking backward story of seven dwarfs living in a cave’.
Stung by Dinklage’s criticism, Disney has responded by stating ‘we are taking a different approach’. Apparently the film will now have ‘cultural consultants’, and the dwarfs will be ‘reimagined’. From this ‘wokespeak’, I imagine that the dwarfs will now have to conform to a rigid gender and diversity balance.
Well the gender balance does present a slight problem, since seven divided by two is, er, three and a half. Okay, let’s solve that one by making one of the seven of the transgender persuasion, which has the added benefit of throwing a bone to that particularly vocal and aggressive lobby.
The ethnic balance is easy enough to address I suppose, and can be reflected in the characters’ new names. These will now be Li Li, Tristan, Greta, Rufus, Carlota, Mohammed and Victor/Victoria. Again this yields an added benefit by the removal of a previously negative and stereotypical set of names.
As for that all-important stature factor, each performer will have to conform to strict statistical criteria for average height, as defined by the United Nations Commission for the Determination of Average Height According to Gender and Ethnicity.
So there you have it. ‘Off White and the Seven Gender Balanced and Ethnically Diverse Persons of Average Stature’. It has quite a ring to it, I’m sure you’ll agree. I for one can’t wait.
Nominated by: Ron Knee
And on a similar note, this from Captain Magnanimous
Peter Dinklage is a cunt, isn’t he.
The overrated oomoah-loompah has been having a pop at a live action Snow White set to be filmed because of the little fellas.
It’s a fairy tale ffs! Stop being short-tempered and small-minded, you gnarly time bandit. These aren’t dwarves, they are conscientious engineers working in a difficult sub terrain.
He was good as a cynical, quipping dwarf in Game of Thrones; he was believable as a cynical, quipping dwarf in The Station; he was alright as a cynical, quipping dwarf in I Care A Lot. As a spokesgnome, not such a tall order.
It’s a fairy tale, you uppity little polly pocket. A story for children. Now get into the Rumplestiltskin costume, do a roly-poly for the camera, then shut the fuck up.
(Looked up an avocado meme for the header pic, and found this – an avocado-green crop top – Day Admin)
The missus recently spotted a newish café bistro place which claimed to offer an extensive range of gluten free options, so we decided to try it out for lunch today.
Having been shown to our seats, our ‘waitperson’ brought the menu, and the wife quickly decided to go for a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich with ‘fries’ (yes, I know!). As soon as she said that, I decided I fancied that too, so I gave our order without bothering to glance at the menu.
Shortly after our ‘waitperson’ returned, carrying two toasted sandwiches utterly brimming with crispy bacon and salad. Mouth watering, I hastily took a bite, to be bemused by the rather strange and unpleasant taste. Seeing my look, the missus asked what was up, and lifting the toast off, I found that it was covered by what at first glance appeared to be a paste-like green mould.
‘It’s avocado’, says she. ‘No shit Sherlock’ says I. ‘It’s bastard horrible’. I suppose it was my own fault for not checking the menu, but for fuck’s sake, what cunt came up with the idea of putting avocado on a blt?. Anyway, I was able to scrape off most of this guck and finished my sandwich with some enjoyment. ‘Ah’ said our ‘waitperson’ when she returned to the table. ‘You don’t go for avocado then’.
‘Don’t go for it’ is a polite way of putting it. Who in their right mind would knowingly eat something that looks and tastes like soap and hope to enjoy the experience? Cunts in Hampstead at their ‘buffet dinner parties’ perhaps. I wouldn’t eat this slimy shit if they gave it away for free. Yuk!
Nominated by: Ron Knee