Eating out is, or should be, a simple pleasure in life. However, due to the fact that most people are inconsiderate, disrespectful, rude, loud, obnoxious and entitled cunts these days, the dining experience can be ruined in so many ways.

To increase the chances of an enjoyable meal out, Mrs. Yank and I often go to eateries at non-peak times. The potential benefits are plenty, mainly down to there being far fewer diners. Fewer diners means less noise, a good chance of no bastard scum kids ruining everything, kitchen not backed up so faster service and better, more attentive service from the wait staff. Ahhh bliss.

Even when the eating out gods are smiling upon thee, we still have the moronic and logic defying seating assignments perpetrated by the thick-as-pig-shit host or hostess. That individual often being the vacant teenager who welcomes you at the front door of the establishment. So what’s their crime? Read on.

Actual example from last Saturday. We enter the restaurant mid afternoon and joy to behold, it’s big inside and practically empty. Two, maybe three other tables at most. We’re shown to a booth. But wait, there are 3 in a row and one on the end is occupied by an elderly couple. Don’t sit us next to them FFS! Success! We’re shown to the booth at the opposite end. We settle in, get some drinks and order. Then a large group shows up at the hostess station. Uh oh, they’re coming this way. Too many for the empty booth between us and the elderly couple. Keep going, walk on by. But no. The hostess parks these cunts at a large table right next to where we’re sitting. WHY, FFS? Just WHY?

I could count more than a dozen other large tables well away from us and all unoccupied, so why plant these loud, obnoxious cunts right next to us? What the fuck is wrong with you, you cunt? Then predictably, some fat tart friend who obviously used to be a public address system in a previous life waddles over to this table and starts yammering on about fuck knows what. Being a Yank it’s done at a volume which involves us and most of Canada.

Another meal out ruined. Un-fucking-believable.

Nominated by Imitation Yank.

 
A big fat ‘Look at me! Look at me! I nearly died doing something that is clearly outrageously fucking stupid and dangerous’ cunting for the BBC’s Jeremy Vine.

It’s an old story but one that the attention seeking cunt seemingly just cant let go. This article in todays Daily Fail is garanteed to boil ones piss instantly.

The thought never seemed to occur to the opinionated prick that Penny Farthings expose the rider to a degree of risk. Doesn’t stop him riding one along the road whilst holding a selfie stick and filming himself though evidently. Driving without care and attention Jeremy? Bit rich considering how he cunts off and vilifies drivers for using phones at the wheel.

His exhibitionism also put further strain on the feeble resources of the NHS. Apparently they scanned and x-rayed the hypocrytical cunt extensively. As if

I long for the day that this poisonous pious champagne socialist gobshite gets proper mashed up in a high-speed head-on Penny Farthing crash with another equally clueless out of touch metropolitan lib-elite hipster ball bag cunt. Preferably one caused by the cunts having to re-route due to a just stop oil demonstration.

Daily Fail

Nominated by Cunter S Thompson.

The other evening Lady Quim asked me to pop into town to get some food from the supermarket, but she waited till half 9 to tell me (ffs), so off I went to the only late night supermarket in town, but as I walked around with my trolley I slowly realised something, I was one of the very few in the shop that wasn’t an “enricher”, from Malteser headed cunts to Pavels.

They were fucking everywhere, in Pembrokeshire too, do these cunts only venture out at night, you certainly don’t see many in the daytime, even Pembrokeshire isn’t safe from these cunts anymore, maybe I’ll move to Alderney don’t think there’s any enrichment there, scary times ahead cunters, stay safe!

Gov.uk

Nominated by Captain Quimson, link by C.A.

 
”Conservative MP David TC Davies’s leaflet asked if voters wanted a Gypsy and traveller site next to their house”

This is now being looked into by the illustrious Gwent Police as racism/hate speech/Some phobia or other.

The fact that the local council are wanting to instal a shit load of these sites without mandate isnt taken into consideration.

This Far-Right MP seems to think that people wont welcome thieving anti-social, fly tipping, violent illiterates into their neighbourhoods. And dares to solicit the views of local people..

An ‘Advocacy Group’ has quite rightly set the law on him.

The cunt.

Bbc news

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble.

 
You see it a lot when you’re out and about at this time of year. The wife, a big fan of The Fabs’ ‘White Album’, calls it the ‘Bungalow Bill’ look.

It is, of course, that fashion conscious choice of many British males, namely, baggy knee-length shorts, black ankle socks, and trainers or Jesus sandals. It seems to be particularly popular with the more mature gentleman, who, if he’s lucky, can augment the look with spindly legs criss-crossed with nasty looking varicous veins.

To finalise the look, add a t-shirt (gilet optional for cooler weather), rucksack, and for the ultimate flourish, a Straylian bushman’s hat.

Go for it guys; with a little effort, you too can be a style icon. Just remember how ZZ Top put it; ‘every girl crazy ’bout a sharp-dressed man’.

Daily Fail

Nominated by Ron Knee.