News from Welsh Wales folks, where to ease the cost of living crisis on those living in tattoo poverty a chip shop is flogging children’s meals for £1. ‘We’ve been overwhelmed by demand’ says the owner Mel Lewis. What, selling meals at a quid a time is popular? Well who’d have thought it.

She’s sold 250 in just under a month and she’s open 5 days a week, so that’s about 12 a day, which is not what I’d call overwhelming. Perhaps if more of the locals could squeeze into the shop she really would have been overwhelmed.

Of course this story is meat and drink (pun intended) to the BBCunt’s The Tories are Heartless Bastards Department. Anyway, not to be outdone I’m off down to Wales tomorrow to enjoy some cheap grub before the daft bitch goes bankrupt and puts the shop on the market for £1.

Bbc news

Nominated by Geordie Twatt.

 
is a cunt, who has said that the UK cannot ignore calls for reparations over the slave trade. Full story in the link, so won’t say too much.

However, I think we’re all waiting for him to order West Africa to start the compensation process by paying huge sums to whichever set of grifters are claiming, since there wouldn’t have even been a slave trade without their connivance.

With respect your honour, go do one.

Msn.com

Nominated by mystic maven with a seconding by Geordie Twatt below.

I second the nomination of Patrick Robinson.

This cunt with dollar signs in his eyes seems to have studied mathematics at the Diane Abbott Academy. He tells the Groaniad (naturally) he wants £18.8 trillion (yes TRILLION) in total from us, £8 trillion of it to go to Jamaica.

The current population of Jamaica is 2.8 million, so I make that the best part of £3 million per person. Which would keep them permanently zoned out on ganja for the rest of eternity.

Incidentally, Judge Robinson is, er, Jamaican.
And a cunt, obviously.

 
Older cunters will no doubt recall the 60s Aussie group The Seekers, who were fronted by singer Judith Durham. Not so many may be aware that in fact, Judith Durham was born Judith Cock. You can understand why she felt compelled to adopt a different surname for performance purposes.

It must be a pain to have to go through life with an unfortunate surname. Cock is pretty bad, but imagine you’re a Ballsack, Bastard, Booby, Bellend or Bollock. How about being lumbered, as some poor sods are, with the name Fart (or Farter), or Fuck (or Fucker)? And let’s not forget all the Craps, Piddles, Wanks, Arses and Cunts; they’re out there, no kidding.

Then there are the those whose thoughtless parents made a bad choice for a Christian name to go with their surname; ‘Hi, I’m Richard Head. People call me Dick’, or ‘John Hass, people call me Jack’. I used to work with a guy called Dick Burns. Inevitably, people would refer to him (with a snigger) as ‘Dick Burns, the man not the disease’.

Sadly a rare combination of surnames can sometimes result in shame and ridicule being heaped upon you for no fault of your own. Back in the 60s, Villa’s midfield was made up of Jimmy Brown, Oscar Arce, and Barry Hole. Imagine being on the Holte End week in week out, listening to the opposition fans (esp. those from Small Heath Alliance) chanting ‘your midfield’s a BrownArceHole, do dah, do dah’. I still shudder with humiliation even after all these years.

Yes, an unfortunate surname can be a Twatt of a thing, a proper Schitt in fact. If you’re a Smith or a Jones, remember that it could be worse. Much worse.

house of names

Nominated by Ron Knee.

 
A well deserved cunting for Arla Foods and Lurpak butter.

Why, you may ask could butter qualify for a 12-bore double-barrelled cunting.
These cunts have just reduced the sizes of their packs of Lurpak by 20% but, in their words when I phoned them “to keep the price point affordable in these difficult times”
What a load of horseshit, this is 20% shrinkflation. The crafty cunts have used a slightly differently shaped and similar height container with the same sized lid to disguise the loss of 100g. The original pack had 500g prominently displayed, the “new improved we care about you, price point” container only has the weight on the base. The block butter has also been “increased in size from 250g up to 200g, right out of fucking 1984.
The original 500g price in Morrison’s was £3.75. The “New” 400g pack was on “special offer” for £2.75 reduced from £3.75. Bait and switch, so that in a couple of weeks the “special price” reverts to the old price. So much for those crocodile tears, caring a fuck about “the cost of living crisis”

I bought 4packs without noticing the change, until I got home and started a pack. Noticed the weight reduction and took the lot back for a refund. After a bit of fuss, Morrison’s refunded my money. Went to Lidl, bought their own brand offering, 500g at £2.19. Fuck Lurpak, bollocks to Arla and sod Morrisons for this conspiracy to defraud the public.

Had to go to Morrisons again, noticed some 500g packs left, got them at the reduced price. I am a tightfisted cunts and don’t like being fucked around, so a small victory for once. It’s Lidl for most stuff now.

FINALLY:-
If you’ve watched the very expensive Lurpak advert, “Just cook”, I think it’s better stated as “Just Crooks”. CUNTS.

Other “brands indulging in “shrinkflation” Cathedral City 350g going to 300g and Anchor 500g to 400g and 250g to 200g. Plus loads of things even “own brands” being hiked, Morrison’s, that’s YOU, canned soups 49p 2 yes ago, now 85p. Fuck em,

Rant over.

Mirror

Nominated by Sheikh Anvakh.

 
In fact I would go as far as to say that it is a massive pile of steaming horse shite of a cunt.

I live in the Lincolnshire country side and feel privileged in doing so. I have a dog and have fields footpaths and woods near by in which I can walk the little fucker. Being a responsible dog walker I pick his shit up and put it in a bin.

Horse owners ride their horses around the same fields paths and woods but never clean up after their horse as left a stone of shit on the floor. Why? small shovel or trowel shopping bag and take it home for your roses you cunt.

Apparently councils do not have the power to make riders clean up after their nags.

So there you have it dog owners can get fined horse owners can’t. What a pile of fucking bullshit.

get surrey

Nominated by Everyonesacunt.