For someone who loves ‘movies’ as much as I do, I seem to find a lot in the American variety that really pisses me off of late. I’ve been on here in the not-too-distant cunting worn-out dialogue of the ‘we’re running out of time!’ variety. I’ve cunted the tedious scenarios, of which there are many; hero walks away from huge explosion without looking back sort of thing, in slo-mo of course. Then there’s the persistent and wearisome use of product placement…

When watching a flick last night, I was reminded of how American film-makers have even managed to make a cliché from the use of props. A character had been out to get steak for dinner. She came back carrying the obligatory plain brown paper bag, with guess what sticking out the top? You got it, a fucking baguette.

Here are a few other worn-out prop clichés to back up my point;

*coffee and doughnuts; six steaming hot plastic cups and a box of doughnuts, carried into the office in one hand by a character determined to be friendly
*napkin; so that somebody can show how sick they are by coughing blood into it
*parked car; conveniently parked for a falling body to smash into
*mobile phone; works anywhere, except when it’s most needed to work
*photograph; of loved ones, propped up by serviceman, to show he’s for the chop
*cardboard box; pic of family sticking out, carried out of office by someone just fired
*helicopter and/or black SUV; crucial for CIA, NSA or the Feds to stage arrival
*breakfast; always cooked by wife but left by husband, who’s inevitably running late
*car keys; conveniently under visor for escaping hero (car then won’t start natch; ‘come on come ON!’, cliché dialogue supplement)
*file; for buzzard female lawyer to slam shut and say ‘we’re done here’ to cops

You can even have characters as cliché props. There’s the hero with the social outcast friend, the high school lead with the nerdy but supersmart sidekick…

Throw all these various knackered tropes into the mix, and it’s hard to disagree with Ricky Gervais’s assessment that Hollywood product these days is awful. It’s lazy, tired, unimaginative, dominated by prequels and sequels and superhero crap, not to mention being infected by incessant wokery.

So if you want to see a rinse-and-repeat bore, packed with clapped out dialogue and plot lines, and yes, even worn-out props, just take a trip to your nearest multiplex, and you’ll be amply rewarded by the ‘choice’ on offer. For myself, I think I might have to stick with the ‘Golden Age’ classics and works from Europe and Latin America from now on.

youtube

Nominated by Ron Knee.

Perhaps no worse than any other member of Team Twat, surely the worst government in history, Pat McFadden, the 60 year old slapheaded Jock cunt deserves a special award for being such a vacuous looking, excuse seeking, lying turd, Starmer’s greatest apologist. He looks like an 80 year old, the sort of old man, who, if you saw him hanging around a primary school on a weekday afternoon, you would be inclined to phone the police.

If anyone remembers Nearest & Dearest, old Jockstrap could well have played “Walter” – he wouldn’t have even needed to speak:

express

Nominated by W. C. Boggs.

Firstly dear fellow cunters, my apologies for not being very active here of late. I’ve had a lot of things to deal with and not much spare time for anything else.
An ongoing and very draining observation which has grown like a virus in recent times is people being totally unaware of their surroundings and oblivious to everything around them.

It was always bad as humans and cuntitude go together like pie and mash, but just lately and especially since Convid-19, people are more zombified than ever before.

A good question has been raised: “How do we prepare for the Zombie Apocalypse?” Answer: “How would any fucker even notice the difference?”

The plague of oblivious people has reached a point of critical mass. I sadly lament the demise of our old friends, common-sense and forethought. On the flipside, I’ve seen many videos where clueless people have been removed from the world by their own dumb arsed ways, so Natural Selection in action is a very good thing, especially when said people do blatantly dumb stuff, like walking into an aircraft propeller and their head vanishes in a pink mist or a worker climbing into a hydraulic press and getting his upper torso flattened like an A4 sheet.

I saw a video of some doss Karen cunt, vandalising machinery and deliberately trying to cut hydraulic hoses with a pair of garden loppers. She clearly didn’t realise or care how much extreme pressure they run on. What in the fuck?

From people merrily walking along rail tracks and getting dismantled, through to dumb arses climbing up on pylons and getting cooked, or drunks wandering in heavy traffic and getting smeared down the road like a steaming steak-crayon, the list goes on. However, nature has a way of thinning said people out with their dipshit actions. Good lord and good day!

Nominated by TwatVarnish, link by Jeezum Priest.

nypost

There’s a legend that in the days of the Roman empire, some wag once scrawled on the walls of a government building the words ‘non suffragium, Senatus in’. ‘Don’t vote, the Senate will get in’. The story may be apocryphal, but it’s bloody hard to disagree with the sentiment. It’s a case of ‘the more things change, the more they stay the same’.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I despise our poilticians to the very depth of my soul. They are scum-sucking pond life that feed on the very bottom. Naturally they all claim to seek office for altruistic reasons; they just want to serve, they don’t want to get on board the gravy train. But to me they are self-serving to a man and woman; arrogant, ambitious for power, devious, cynical, venal, chancers, spivs or plain incompetent. Often they’re the ‘perfect storm’ of most if not all of these things.

Just the briefest look back over recent years serves to illustrate the point. We’ve had a host of scandals such as cash for questions, cash for honours, cash for influence, dodgy donations, the Iraq WMD dodgy dossier, election result betting, the Westminster expenses outrage. We’ve had a sackful of sleazos such as Aitken, Vaz, Archer, Parish, Oaten, Onasanya and Pincher. We’ve had a roll-call of cynical bastards and incompetents like ‘Back to Basics’ Major (not forgetting the fragrant Edwina), Mandelson, Johnson, Corbyn, Abbott, Bercow and Bliar, the biggest cunt of all. Oh, and let’s most definitely not forget those who set themselves against the expressed will of the majority over Brexit and Scottish independence; step forward Sturgeon, Grieve, Cable, Lucas, Soubry….

Let’s get bang up to date with the latest bunch of devious chislers. I give you Lammy and Rayner, Reeves and Cooper, and of course shifty Arsehole-in-Chief Sir Keir Two-Tier, Sir Keir FreeGear Starmer, liar and hypocrite. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

I could cunt on for pages, listing the outrages and the perpetrators, but you all know where I’m coming from I’m sure. They’re all the same, opportunist flies buzzing around the same arse. They campaign on a platform of promises for a new start and a better deal, promises of integrity and accountability. But these things are there to be cynically thrown aside amid mealy-mouthed excuses and hand-wringing once they’ve served their purpose and are no longer expedient politically.

The parliaments of the UK are riddled with incompetence, cronyism, hypocrisy, trough-swilling and deceit. They are swamps which cannot be drained. A plague on all their houses. Don’t vote indeed; the government will get in.

Daily Fail

Nominated by Ron Knee.

Now It’s personal.

Along with most road users I have never been enamoured by the antics of BMW drivers.

They don’t indicate their intentions, they drive on your bumper and overtake aggressively and often dangerously. They lurk behind you with their shark-teeth radiator fins like predators. As a Jaguar driver I also thought they had an inferiority complex(!)

However, up until recently I managed to avoid any conflict with them. I just thought they were show off twats.

But…one day last week I pulled safely out of my lane and a speeding BMW then followed me out of the village on my tail up to the junction with the main road where not unreasonably I stopped. Good job I did as traffic was passing. The BMW then whacked into the back of me. He wasn’t doing a great speed but left it too late to brake and when he got out of his car he announced it was down to his wife as she has just rung him!

We inspected the damage of which there appeared to be none to mine but the valence on his BMW was broken. He couldn’t wait to get away but I insisted on exchanging details. He tried to get my agreement that my car wasn’t damaged but I said I would need to check properly later. He then sped off with me making sure he was in front this time. I didn’t want the git behind me again.

To be honest I might have let it go after bollocking him on his driving manners. But a week or so later I realised the rear parking sensors were no longer working which was obviously the result of the bump.

Now insurance claims are a hassle even if you are not at fault. So I rang the guy to discuss the options. The polite, apologetic young man had obviously disappeared. Now he was rude, arrogant and aggressive (just like his driving behaviour). It was all my fault as I’d braked too sharply. I’d agreed to take no action (I had not). His wife on the phone was a witness. Now all this is total bollocks of course and his appalling attitude put an end to any negotiation. He’d already had his car repaired at his own expense and he will have to explain that to his insurers.

I rang off, sent him a text telling him what I thought of him without threats or swearing. Blocked him. Then I submitted my claim against him.

I do hope this will hurt him financially at least. But the experience confirmed my beliefs about BMW drivers and let’s be honest Audis as well. I don’t like vast generalisations and I’ve no doubt there are many exceptions to the rule including a close friend of mine who has a beamer and is a gentleman of the road.

Yet the facts don’t lie.

Daily Fail

Nominated by Lord Helpus.