A festive ‘is this really the best you can do?’ cunting for the BBC’s Christmas telly schedule.

Here in brief is what you could tune into. Ancient films like ‘The Sound Of Music’. More of the same shows that they put on all year round, like ‘Strictly’ and ‘Call the Midwife’, but call ‘Christmas Specials’. Repeats of the same shows that they used to put on all year round in nineteen canteen, like ‘The Vicar of Dribble’ and ‘Dad’s Army’, and called ‘Christmas Specials’ back then (oh goody, ‘another chance to see’ something I might have missed the first fifty times around).

And stunningly, a murder in ‘Bellenders’. It’s aht uv aw-dur, but Christmas just wouldn’t be Christmas wivaht all the usual seasonal misery in Walford. And the King, Gawd bless yer, yer ‘ighness, yer an hexarmple to us all.

And wait for it, wait for it… the Beeb’s jewel in its festive crown, a ‘Crimbo Special’ from that Titan amongst comedies ‘Mrs Brown’s Boys’. Laugh? I promise you, you’ll never start.

What exciting and original programme making. Stunning and brave stuff. What value for the licence payers. They’ll be glued to their screens over the holidays.

Hope all you woke Guardianista cunts at the Beeb reflect on a year that you’ll no doubt consider well spent. Then just fuck off, because we don’t think that it was.

Lad Bible

Nominated by: Ron Knee

About this time last year, I was on here sticking the boot into those ubiquitous Christmas hits that you just can’t escape from, the ones that seem to be playing in every shop, supermarket, restaurant and pub.

You know the cunts I’m talking about; those utterly done-to-death tunes from the likes of the Pogues, Carey, McCartney, Louie and Slade. Having to suffer through them one more time will likely make your ears bleed.

But let’s not forget that other category of atrocities that gets poured into our long-suffering ears at this time of year. I refer of course to those ‘classic’ songs, those knackered old warhorses that get habitually dragged out of the shed come December. Those syrupy festive efforts which have turned up on every crooner’s seasonal album since recording began, from Crosby and Como, to Martin and Williams, by way of Fitzgerald and Cole.

I’m sure that just like me, you simply can’t wait to hear ‘White Christmas’ again. Let’s all be enchanted once more by ‘The Christmas Song’, ‘Winter Wonderland’, ‘It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas’, and seasonal tear-jerker ‘I’ll Be Home for Christmas’. Gosh, almost forgot ‘Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!’.

Yes, the pile-on of nostalgia and emotionalism can make the stomach churn a little can’t it? However when it comes to sheer, vomit-inducing mawkishness, there’s absolutely nothing to touch maudlin sentimentality of THIS pile of ‘classic’ wank;

YouTube

Truly a song written by cunts, performed by cunts, to be listened to by cunts (and let’s face it, you won’t hear it performed by a bigger cunt than this).

Go on then; from next year let’s all be together, if the fates allow, until then we’ll have to muddle through somehow, hang a shining star upon the highest bough…

*Bloooarrgh!*

Have yourself a merry little Christmas now!

Nominated by: Ron Knee

There are many reasons that the big day itself can go tits up for the average family at Christmas. below are just a selection of things that I have personally encountered over the last 60 odd years either as a child or as the head of a family.

Telly what to watch is always a bone of contention for many families at Christmas. Thankfully I don’t watch the cunt anymore.

Kids getting up at 4am to see if that cunt Santa has been yet. Now this is a real cunt if you have been out on the ale xmas eve.

Old auntie miserable guts coming round, moaning about the veg, not enough sherry, asking kids who are scared of her wrinkly old face for a Christmas kiss.

Whose fault it is that the fucking turkey hasn’t defrosted in time. Why have a turkey anyway? most ends up in the bin or the dog. Beef or Pork please.

Chestnuts exploding in the fucking oven. Proper cunts to clean up.

Small children playing inside the cardboard boxes their expensive presents came in and ignoring the fucking presents.

Mid night mass Christmas eve. My wife used to drag me there. A cunt again if you’ve been on the ale and are bursting for a piss every 10 minutes.

I am certain fellow cunters can come up with many more examples.

Luckily Mrs E/cunt and I live at least 70 miles away from any of our 4 grown up kids and their plethora of kids, our grand kids. 8 and counting.
It will hopefully be just like any other Sunday. And no midnight Mass only a church of England house of God in our village of 800 souls.

So enjoy it if you can or enjoy that it only comes but once a year.

Independent

Nominated by Everyonesacunt.

(Just a quick note to say we have a bonus nom at 5pm today, and same again for Boxing Day. Thanks – The Admin Team)

Yes, you read that right. There’s now a thing called “Christmas Tree syndrome” which affects 6% of the Australian population (the source of this revelation!).

Real trees in particular can contain anything up to 50 types of mould and pollens which could cause serious problems for people already suffering from asthma and other respiratory disorders.

Fake trees might be a safer option. However, if stored in cold damp areas such as garages or attics year in year out, they too might also attract a form of mould and contaminated dust.

Even tree decorations could pose a risk for the same reasons – i.e.. storing in cold damp areas.

So just make sure you give your Christmas fairy, baubles and balls a good old rub before hanging them on your brand new artificial syndrome-free tree!

Yahoo Australia News

Nominated by: Technocunt

(Have a great Christmas, boys/girls/things. And thanks for your nominations and comments over the last 12 months. It is always most welcome and keep those noms rolling in! Enjoy unwrapping your prezzies – The Admin Team)

Biff bean, yeah you heard me right, is a cunt.

Lincoln Town Councillor and mayor, nice work if you can get it.

Has cancelled England’s oldest Christmas Market, for safety reasons.

Started in 1982 this four day market attracts 300,000 people, and generates 15 million to the city economy..

With local businesses struggling since covid, this labour cunt and his cronies decide to kick em while there down..

It also turns out biffa, visited Lincoln’s twined town in Germany and enjoyed their festive Market..

So the Notting hill stabbing and mugging festival has no safety issues ever year.
But God forbid you want some mulled wine and chestnuts.

Merry Christmas biff, hope your turkey is undercooked.

Daily Fail

gb news

Nominated by Barry zuckercunt.