If only!

It seems the government are going to be desperately beastly to student creatures if they call an election in October. It will only be a few weeks after “Freshers week” so they will be too pissed, er, sorry, I mean the “authorities” will not have enough time to collate all the addresses for these young idiots to put their cross on the form to elect that nice Sir Starmer, the multimillionaire who likes to pretend he knows all about poverty and not being able to pay the bills (his dad was a toolmaker, you know).

AOL News

Interesting to note no one of the three leading students in the foreground are white. One is Chinky the other two looked mixed race (or half castes as we were once allowed to describe them).

When should elections be called? August is out because they will all be on holiday, ditto September, October will upset the students, apparently, November they will be getting ready for Xmas, January and February is too cold, March and April is Easter time, and May June and July it will be too hot.

When will be the right time for Abdul senior to vote on behalf of his household of fifteen to ensure a Labour government – and if they call a postal strike, they’re fucked.

It’s such a hard life being a student.

Nominated by: W. C. Boggs

I’ve always enjoyed a good conspiracy theory, even if they’re mostly, shall we say, surreal or bizarre.

Occasionally a theory will seem to have some real substance to it e.g. there’s a really strong case to be made that the CIA, the Mob, the Cuban exiles, big oil, or a combination of all of them did for JFK.

Mostly however they just seem outlandish. You know what I mean; NASA faked the moon landings, Aliens crashed at Roswell, aircraft contrails contain poison or mind-warping drugs, a ‘New World Order’ of shadowy elites seeks global hegemony, etc and so forth.

Some of my favourite ‘conspiracies’ focus on the world of ‘celebrity’, and frankly belong in the strange and weird world of tinfoil hat wearing fantasists. One positive thing in their favour however is their huge capacity to entertain us all. It’s real ‘man down the pub’ stuff.

For your edification, Elvis faked his death to escape the limelight and seek seclusion in the remote Appalachians… or is on the run after the Mob put a contract on him for informing on them to the Feds, you chose. Lizzie and Phil were space lizards. Michelle Obama is really Michael. Macca died in a car crash and was replaced by a body double, who’s been performing as him ever since. The security services did for Diana. Taylor Swift is a Satanist, and Stevie Wonder isn’t blind. John Lennon’s killer was part of a black ops mind control programme.

Right now there’s a whole new show on the road. We’re in the middle of a real mother of a conspiracy theory, which has brought about a state of utter meltdown in the world press, social media and the internet. It is, of course, the ‘something’s happened to Kate’ furore. Naturally it couldn’t be anything as mundane as the fact that the lass has had serious surgery and is taking time out of the public eye to recover. Oh no.

So far we’ve had a proper good pick and mix on offer. She’s far iller than has been made out; she’s got cancer or something. She’s had plastic surgery. She’s pregnant. She and William are estranged after he had an affair and she’s fled the scene (an additional titbit is that he belted her in the process). She’s had a complete nervous breakdown blah de blah. Mercifully, no one has yet claimed that she’s been abducted by aliens; at least, as far as I know.

And there’s my own theory of choice. There’s a medium on the net claiming that spirits have told her that Kate has sunk into an irreversible coma, and body doubles are being used while a clone replacement is being made ready. A fucking clone, would you believe? And there are idiots out there swallowing this stuff.

Oh in one respect all this stuff is hugely entertaining, and it’s free. But on the other hand it’s plain batshit crazy. There are some very strange individuals out there coming up with it, and most of them, I suspect, are spending far too much time in a bedroom in their mom’s house, goggle eyed in front of a computer screen. They could really do with getting out more, if only for their own good.

Fandomwire

Nominated by: Ron Knee

is a cunt.

Apparently theatre is too white, male, blah blah and it’s the fault of someone born in the 16th century. What’s most hilarious is that this study is costing 800 grand! What the fuck! How many DIE officers could they have hired for that amount?

Keep an eye out for this ‘study’ which is due to report in two years time.

Daily Fail

Nominated by Dark Key Cunt.

Howdy-do-dee dere honey!. Old has-been Barack Obama backed into the limelight yesterday (March 18th) to pay a courtesy call on Rishi Sunak, but that was just to get cheap publicity, innit, because his real purpose from rising from the political dead was to enjoy dem red beans and rice with his old bruv David Lammy:

As I watched the old wank stain grinning like a loon as he entered through the door of No 10, I couldn’t help feeling that first through the door in October, with an equally rictus grin will be Anthony Blair, yet another of yesterdays men, determined to scrape the last bit of authority off his boots as he joins Kweer Charmer in his new home. At least Obama didn’t bring his ugly wife with him – Blair will probably be joined by his old power bottom Mandy. perhaps even Alistair Campbell, provided they can sober hikm up.

Why do these old has-beens find it so difficult to understand that they should have fucked off years ago, instead of trying to bathe in reflected glory.

And what possible advice can old Bollock Obama have to give to know-it-all Lammy?.

Fuck off back to America, Obama – dat cotton won’t pick itself. Mammy!

standard

Nominated by W.C.Boggs.

(You just know she’ll play the mental health card sooner or later – Day Admin)

Katie fucking Price, yet again!

I’m sorry, it’s not that long ago I nominated this bag of rancid tripe, but by all that’s Holy, this has really toppled my tipping point!

Daily Mail

She owes how much!!

And yet, she continues to drag herself about the town, showing off the fake everything. Ffs, all that plastic is just scaffolding now, holding up a collapsing edefice.

And you know what? Doesn’t give a shit!

It really grinds my gears, she’s a complete and utter cunt and it’s not just the HMRC she’s screwing.

If there’s a shortfall, guess who gets to make up for it?
Here’s a clue, it’s NOT Satan’s whore.

Nominated by: Jeezum Priest