It’s going to be hot!
Oh no, it’s not!
It’s going to snow.
So warm, you’re cheeks will glow.
It’ll be windy.
It’ll thunder!
Makes me wants the chunder.
Sorry, terrible prose, but it’s going to thunder! Quick, run and hide, pull the bed covers over your head!
When did someone decide that we had become so infantilised, we needed to be warned about fucking thunder!
Nominated by : Jeezum Priest
and the Muswell Hill Peloton Club are cunts.
This arsehole, part of a larger group of arseholes, knocked over an 81 year old women whilst cycling at 30 mph in a 20 mph zone. She later died of her injuries.
This cunt was not prosecuted as apparently there is no law about causing death by dangerous cycling. The club didn’t even have the decency to put anything on their own website, expressing any regret or offering any apology. The cunt himself has had nothing to say either.
Here’s hoping he and the rest of those cunts meet a large artic head-on during their next jaunt.
Nominated by mystic maven
Is this fucking useless cunt for real? Hard on the heels of the Tories’ drubbing in the local elections, here’s the Torygraph giving a platform to Shortarse himself in a pitiful attempt to stave off complete annihilation at the next General Election.
Shorty says he has a plan. I’ll save cunters the trouble and cost of surmounting the paywall erected by the billionaire twins who own this rag, especially as they’re in the process of selling out to a bunch of smelly, sheep’s eyeball munching oilw*gs. Instead, here is the 6-point plan in summary:
1. To provide a red carpet welcome for all dinghy arrivals. Slot machines will be installed along the south coast where, for a small fee, all undocumented males will be able to purchase British citizenship, a passport and free access to accommodation, healthcare, public services and pension rights for life.
2. To punish aspiration, self-reliance and success by taxing the indigenous population to death.
3. To impoverish the population by pandering to the ecomentals and forcing EVs and heat pumps on people who don’t want them and can’t afford them.
4. To turn the country over to Islamomarxist mob rule.
5. To provide further prohibition business opportunities for organised crime by following up the cigarette ban with bans on vaping, alcohol, junk food, non-Halal meat and anything else we can think of that people enjoy.
6. To lose the next election by a landslide, fuck off to Silicon Valley and hand the UK over to the Labour Party to finish the job of destroying Britain’s history, heritage, culture and economy.
So that’s the Plan. Or have I missed anything?
Nominated by : Geordie Twatt
I`d like to cunt ISOHEDRA.
(It`s a long shot, but I`m guessing this hasn`t been cunted before).
But I`m not talking about any old three-dimensional polyhedral object existing in what we perceive as spacetime; no, I`m nominating this …
Nobody, thus far, has been able to figure out what it `s purpose was.
So now it`s OUR turn, cunters! You know what’s coming, don’t you: What the fuck was this thing used for? – ADMINS – prize please for best thought?
My guess? Simple. Don`t overthink it.
It was a Roman wanking device.
Further, if I were that inclined, professor Alice Roberts would be my `inspiration`.
Vixen.
Nominated by : Sam Beau
To celebrate Ipswich’s return to the top division after twenty-fucking-two years away, I’d like to nominate a group of irritating footie cunts.
VAR: this useless fucking system has wrecked the flow of many a game just so a bunch of twats can sit in an office miles away from the game and decide (usually wrongly) that a striker’s eyelash is a nanometre offside. And such is the inherent bias of the system towards Scouse Cheats FC that LiVARpool regularly trends on Twatter.
Leeds: everyone hates these arrogant bastards who seem to think they have a divine right to be in the Premier league. Numerous disparaging comments about ITFC from Leeds supporters throughout the season. How did that work out for you, cunts? I fucking hope they lose in the playoffs.
Brighton: apparently the rentboys of the south coast are sniffing around Kieren McKenna. Fuck off and find your own promising young coach gaylords. They probably want to bum him.
But without a doubt the biggest football cunt of them all…
Jurgen Klopp: I fucking despise this cunt. Possibly the only person in their world I would physically assault if I was ever in the same room. Has gone completely native in Liverpool and spent the past nine years whinging about how hard done by the bin dippers are despite the ludicrous bias of both the FA and the media towards his shitty club. His latest moan is about too many 12:30pm kickoffs. Fuck off and die, you prick. Thought he going to win a Quadruple and ended up with the tinpot League Cup, a competition so pointless it only entitles the winners to enter into UEFA’s crappy Europa Conference League.
Go ITFC. Aiming for 17th next year!
Nominated by Emperor of East Anglia.