is a cunt.
Strap yourself in for a market leading service experience – leading the market in treating you like shit and playing the victim card to relinquish oneself of any duty of care to the customer, that is.
Whenever I hear this message when on hold on the telephone, or spot the sign in a (usually endlessly long) queue, I know I might as well give up now.
Yes this is the strategy for the ultimate corporate fuck you amongst big business that knows it’s got you by the balls. Had a bad product or service experience? No problem, get in touch with our dedicated customer care line, where we will do our best to make it clear we couldn’t give a shit and goad you into snapping at us, at which point we’ll pompously inform you we are terminating the call as we will not tolerate any abusive behaviour, despite the fact we are doing the customer service equivalent of shitting on your head.
We recently bought two brand new commercial vehicles from a well known international vehicle manufacturer. We had issues with a deflating tyre on one of them, but the second one the gearbox failed whilst 350 miles from base and with less than a thousand miles on the clock, three weeks out of the factory. Ts and Cs said it should be recovered under warranty to a dealership of our choosing – but when urgently contacting the ironically named “Customer assistance” line, we were put on hold for an hour during which the above message was ominously played on loop over and over again, before being told flat out by some officious little cunt that they were not going to honour the ts and cs and the vehicle would be recovered to a nearby dealership, tough shit, travel the 350 miles back north and get it when it’s fixed. If my hand could have reached down the telephone line I’d have ripped out the little Hitt-lers larynx, but found myself resigned to the fact that I was only going to make a bad situation impossible if I transgressed the no-abuse rule. So scandalously shit service won the day, masquerading under the virtuous pledge “we value you as a customer and are doing our best for you, but if you don’t like it…”
As a small business owner, if I treated my customers like this I’d be out on the streets overnight. So what the fuck gives big business the right to play by a completely different set of rules??
I invite the ISAC community to determine what reforms to big brand customer service they’d like to see in the future…
Nominated by Balsamic Dave.
