El cactus de las pesadillas.
The garden at Casa Cunter is tended to by Mrs Cunter.
Unfortunately, her enthusiasm is not backed up with any skill whatsoever.
A neighbour dropped by and gave us a small cactus in a pot.
The wife put it on a table on the terrace.
It looked like an underdeveloped but nevertheless erect cock.
I suggested that it was Pákí size, but Mrs Cunter corrected me by saying that it was bigger, more like Jap dimensions.
She has obviously been online for advice.
She thought that it looked amusing on the table.
In only a few short weeks the cactus had doubled in size and even grown what could be described as a bell end.
Even more amusement for her.
She took selfies with the rude cactus and sent them to her friends.
About a month later and with more growth she decided to plant the cactus in the ground.
It already had evil spikes so she wrapped it up in wads of newspaper and wore thick gardening gloves.
Now I always thought that cacti were slow growing, but this fucker was the exception to the rule.
She still thought it was funny to have a one and a half meter cock growing in the garden.
Tiny side shoots appeared but these soon developed into what looked like arms.
The ‘bell end’ had swollen into a head shape.
Mrs Cunter started to take a dislike to the plant. Possibly because it no longer resembled a huge cock.
She started to call it “That fucking thing”.
Within a year of getting the cactus and with it now at over 2 meters tall she decided that “The fucking thing” had to go.
Easier said than done.
You can’t just pull it out of the ground and take it round to the bins.
By now the fucking thing had huge spikes.
Of course I could have chopped it down with a machete, but how the fuck do I get the bits in the rubbish?
It’s not like I could pick up the spikey parts and put them in a bin bag.
By now Mrs Cunter was getting scared.
She thought the fucking thing was going to take over the garden and come after her.
It had already grown arms so she reasoned that it would soon grow legs.
A few month’s later and with the fucking thing at about 3 meters tall we booked some building work to be done at Casa Cunter.
Luckily a skip was delivered and I carefully hacked the fucking thing to pieces.
Mrs Cunter encouraged me…..
“Kill the fucking thing!” she was shouting from a distance.
With great care the cactus was consigned to the skip.
The next day I dug what was left of it out of the ground.
It was then that I got stabbed by a tiny spike.
That little puncture wound in my wrist turned into ringworm.
No, I didn’t know that you could get it from cactus plants either, but you can.
It quickly spread and it took a year’s worth of anti fungal pills and special soap to get rid of it.
The revenge of “The Fucking Thing”.
That’s Life style pictures of cacti.
Nominated by : The Artful Cunter
