Van drivers

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Van drivers are cunts…

There are many reasons for this. The concept of using indicators to give other road users a faint idea of where the fuck they are going is as alien to them as waiting at a junction instead of just pulling out and making oncoming traffic slam on. If you then toot the horn you get a display worthy of one of those signing fuckers that take up half the screen on late night tv.

They park wherever the fuck they like and chat quite happily on their phones as they leave half a job done at some poor cunts house and fuck off early to the pub via Ladbrokes.

Also, vans seem to be the new mid life crisis mobile. Gone are the widowmaker sports bike and in come the VW T5 camper, chavved up and lowered like an invalid version of the mystery machine.

Arseholes!

Nominated by: Gutstick Japseye

28 thoughts on “Van drivers”

  1. Honestly I’m really starting to feel less guilty about illegally downloading Prince’s music. Because the gender bending Poof had a fucking private island and mansion in Turks and Caicos Islands with a purple paved driveway.

    Yeah that’s right a bloody private island, some do gooding christian he portrayed himself to be. I hope the cunt is in hell as Jimmy Saville is buggering “the purple one” while Cyril Smith attempts to eat him. Prince is a bona fide cunt and going through his music I have to tell you I’m coming up short of decent songs some talent he was. Beware of false prophets and poofy bellends!

      • Check out an old Carl Weathers movie called “Action Jackson” if you want to see Vanity without the Purple Pain (in the arse). Lots of excellent stunt work too from the mob behind the first Predator movie…

    • Well said. I expect the mass media is furious because nobody is ever bothered as they want them to be. Pop singer dies, cue a week of greifjacking celebrities and smug pundits falsely bigging him as the ‘founder of modern pop’ (not exactly something to boast about). His music is even more tedious and overrated that Bowie’s but at least we get a break from One Erection and Ed Shiteran whilst DJ’s fall over themselves to get on the bandwagon.

  2. I dont feel guity for downloading any cunts music, or movies, illegally.

    Considering by the time of being a torrent worthy of piracy, the cunts are already in a mansion with a boat, car and probably own plane – they dont need my royalty.

    And if its shit, which is most likely the case these days, there is no guilt deleting it.

    Fuck them.

    Once these cunts start living an ordinary life and need this income such as a normal 9 to 5 worker does, I think they deserve the rort of piracy.

    Moreso when the cunts are dead. As it will only be their relatives spooning it their noses anyway.

    • Chas C actually put three of this earliest albums on Pirate Bay himself. There’s a note on there that says he uploaded them and owns the copyright so feel free to help yourself.
      Just because it’s on Pirate Bay doesn’t means it’s illegal to download it although admittedly it usually is!

  3. Most of us don’t continually get paid for a job we did years ago. Most of these rich celebs are cunts.

  4. Having spent some time driving vans myself (delivering TVs and Hifi gear or recovering crashed/conked out motorcycles mostly) I think van drivers can be broken down into two distinct groups. One is the self-employed chap who has bought and paid for his own van and drives it carefully and responsibly because he’s still paying for it and wants to keep it presentable. The other just uses a vehicle owned by his firm that he doesn’t have to pay to maintain or service and doesn’t own, so therefore he abuses and thrashes it mercilessly and drives it like a cunt because he doesn’t give a shit. As for not indicating, running red lights and generally being a prick on the highway, can I add Taxi Drivers to the roll of shame… wankers!

    • I’d also add pick up truck drivers to that list, Mr. B. I know it’s not an overly common, everyday vehicle over in Blighty but over here they’re like a fucking plague. If I ran the dealerships over here, it would go something like this:

      Pickup Customer: Ah wowna pik erp trerk.
      Dealer: Yes sir and do you live or work on a farm or ranch?
      Pickup Customer: Nope. Ah jerst wowna pik erp trerk.
      Dealer: I see. I’m struggling to understand your need for such a vehicle. Do you intend for this to be your ‘everyday’ vehicle?
      Pickup Customer: Yerp.
      Dealer: Very well then. Please follow me over to our frontal lobotomy department where we can make the necessary arrangements.

      I’m telling you, these 2 ton oversized Tonka toys sit on your arse in rain, sleet, ice and snow. They cut in front of you for no reason when there’s miles of empty road behind you. They never use indicators and if you should ever honk the horn at them for doing something stupid and/or dangerous, well then you’re treated to a tirade of abuse and hand gestures like it’s YOU that’s done something wrong! The ignorant trash which drives these bloody things need rounding up, have the driving manual (Highway Code) tattooed onto their beer bellys, then kicked repeatedly in the groin area, then set on fire, then…..you get the general idea.

      • Ah, the Ford F150 pickup. the USA’s best selling motor vehicle apparently. Combines a massive engine with antique chassis design for the winning Yank combination of shit handling and economy plus laughably poor ground clearance to make it useless in any actual real work environment. For “Deliverance” style rednecks and posers only (free banjo/Confederate flag bumper sticker/Ku Klux Klan outfit with every purchase).

      • To quote a certain short arsed accident prone former Top Gear presenter, “The last time I saw plastic components of this quality, they contained Tictacs” Shoddy slung together shite shat would embarrass a Chinese moped manufacturer…

  6. Please please please can i nominate that bald smug cunt Drew Pritchard for a good cunting purely because he is a mega cunt

    • Agreed, thieving, smug cunt, same goes for that cunt of a wife and that cunt Tee.

    • Is he the “Salvage Hunter” who spends his time rooting through mounds of old crap while everyone else does all the real work?

      • Thats the cunt, rips of everyone then sells it to another cunt for a massive profit

      • That pint size Welsh cunt winds me up.
        Cunt gives it all that “great design” and “love the period” bollocks.
        Cunt has pound signs in his eyes.
        Nothing more. Nothing less.

      • Drew Pilchard? Had the cunt in me sights for quite a while. Little bald cunt in a huge cap. Gets driven aroinde in a white van by some Neanderthal oik that does all the work then shows it orf to missus Pilchard who then takes a snap and posts it orn the web. “How quirky is that!”
        Employ several tossers to distress the gear by taking rusty chains to it then rubbing semen like fluids all over it to “give it age”. How quirky is that!
        Understand how Pilchard always seems to have a bucket orf toss to hand. One look at that snaggle toothed wife and clearly none orf it is ever going to be produced with her in mind. How quirky is that?

  8. I would like to nominate an Albanian cunt, – Anjezë Gonxhe Bojaxhiu.
    Otherwise known as Mother Theresa.
    This has to be on of the most massive cunts in human history, and she even looked like Adolf Hitler without his tash.
    Was great mates with a total bunch of cunts who ruled the poor people of Haiti, accepted huge sums of money from them, never gave anything to the poor cunts she was supposed to be helping. Not even those poor dying cunts in her ‘flag ship’ death camp in Calcutta.

    Google this cunt and see how she was an expert cunt.

    Chris Hitchens made some good video docs on the cunt.

  9. Well I am going to cunt the British summer!
    The temperature has risen recently fortunately whilst I was on holiday in Dorset, unfortunately whilst I am stuck in an arm brace, so I now have a nice white arm, a brown one and miss matched legs, so should I die in a terrorist bomb I feel I may become multiple personalities in one box ( miss matched body parts)
    However this is not the target of my cunting!
    With the hot weather I have gone for the open window option and as such am woken every morning at about 4 am by the black bird next door!
    No not a gheto blaster or gospel songs, but some little feathered fucker who has nested in next doors fir tree!.
    I am very much up for taking the cunt out with my air rifle, but the mrs tends to side with the feathered fucker.

  10. In my experience van drivers are more likely to stop for you at a zebra crossing. I know this is a small point, but when it’s pissing it down outside and you’re walking home that small courtesy can make all the difference to how your day feels. People who drive Chelsea tractors are the least likely to stop. Because they’re cunts.

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