Bananas

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Why is it when I fancy a banana I can only ever buy them green and unripe in a bunch these days?

All the local greengrocers have been squeezed out of the high street by fucking Tesco, Asda, Sainsbuys and the chavvy Aldi and Lidl.

So I really want a banana, I go to the supermarket and have to buy a bunch of 12 of the green fuckers for £2.

I then get them home and it really is pot luck when they will ripen, will it be a few days? will it be like usual and take 10 days? Who fucking knows, but you can bet your bottom dollar they will all ripen on the same day, so two weeks ago I wanted a banana, now I have to eat 12 of the cunts before they start to rot!

Fucking CUNTS

Nominated by: Boaby

43 thoughts on “Bananas”

  1. Dogs hate bananas. Its true. Try offering a dog a banana and watch its look of disgust. I had a jack russel once who would eat anything but she wouldn’t go near a banana.

    • My dog loves them (at any stage of ripeness too)! That said he eats pretty much anything, greedy little sod…

  2. I’d like to nominate Holywood Director Roman Polanski for the simple reason he is a child fucker.

      • I would like to have cunted Stanley Kubrick for the appalling mess he made of Stephen King’s “The Shining”, but the fuckers been dead years anyway.

      • I actually liked the shining, clockwork orange, and 2001: A Space Odyssey. Although Full Metal Jacket and Dr. Strangelove are my favorites by him they don’t make movies like that anymore. Eyes wide shut now that was a real cuntfest staring the church of scientology having a creepy orgy thats a movie you should be pissed off about.

      • Don’t get me wrong TS, old Stanley was a genuine craftsman who made some great movies (apart from the aforementioned Tom Cruise wankfest of course) but I still think he botched the whole Shining thing, though it is a gorgeous film to look at. Probably my fault for reading the book first and lets face it, most of the movies from SK’s works have been wonky, with a few exceptions.

      • SK referring to Stephen King that is… trust him and Kubrick to have the same initials, awkward cunts…..

      • @ Mr Bastard That’s what I like about his films he will take 30 or 40 retakes to get it right. When I first saw shining as a lad (14 yrs old) it scared the shit outta me the twin girls and bloody hallways, the suspicion of room 237 and the creepy naked women strangling Danny and Jack doing nothing after seeing the ghost, jacks disturbing behavior and the 1921 party flashbacks with the butler and bartender. It is literally the scariest horror film I have seen it probably helps being young when watching it.
        Check these links out and if stephen king wants a better movie he should take the 500 million he has made from film adaptions and make a better one if he can that is doubt it though. We just disagree great song btw https://youtu.be/Tmdaa1QX6TU and I can’t link the article(2 links yet wordpress is giving me shit tried twice too) I put up its the avclub article on kubrick called is stephen justified in hating kubrick ? read it if you like.

      • Nothing alleged about it he has previously been convicted of anally raping a 13 year old child. They want to extradite him for sentencing. He IS a child fucking cunt.

      • btw what futher reason do you require to justify cunting someone ? Is raping children not enough ? Roman Polanski is a child fucker ergo he is a cunt. End Of.

      • Well not allegedly he popped a qualude in her champagne and fucked her ass and raped her! HA. But whatever his movies kinda suck anyway and greimer accepted money so justice has sort of been dealt with. I always thought rosemary’s baby and his other movies were overrated but I really liked The Fearless Vampire Killers and Knife in the Water was kinda alright.

      • “So its ok to rape kids as long as you pay them ?” I never said that don’t put words in my mouth vermin.

        I was just saying she accepted money(I think) and has forgiven him to put it behind her but she still wants him to serve his sentence.
        Geimer’s mother put her in this situation when a director wants your 13 yr old for a shoot red lights should go off.
        Whats baffling is poland and frances protection of polanski, he is 82 he will die very soon someone should bag and cunt the sick overrated fuck.

    • That’s because he’s too much of a fucking coward to go back to the US and fight the allegations in court. I bet Polanski has nightmares of a big black convict called Bubba, renaming him ‘Ben Dover’.

      • Again they are not allegations he has been convicted by a court of law but he fucked off before sentencing.Roman Polanski is a child fucker.

      • Manson’s freaks should have killed Polanski and not this pregnant wife… Woody Allen is a fucking nonce cunt too….

      • Agreed have you seen the crime scene photos? very sickening indeed sharon tate was stabbed like 67 times and Rosemary LaBianca suffered quite a grusome fate as well pics at the bottom of the link not for weak stomachs http://crimeshots.com/FamilyVictims.html and woody cunt allen movies really suck most of them are about a neurotic jewish guy who makes girls feel uncomfortable and makes unfunny jokes.

  5. ahhhhh. the driver of the glasgow bin lorry had resigned before he was sacked. so no fuckin mystery then. no FFF ( fuckin false flag ) all that bollocks spivey came up with, was as anyone with a brain knew already, pure unadulterated shite. in the end it came down to this: the driver lied about his medical history to get himself a job. and it was that lie that cost the lives of those people. nothing else.lets now all wait for an apology from mr ( i’m nobodys fool , never have been , never will be) Spivey. a big man will be big enough to admit when’s he’s fucked up. lets see.

    • Spivey will have already moved on to his next ‘False Flag’.The man is an arsehole.

      • Egypt Plane Crash from today, all staged of course by actors.
        Expect his latest delusional rant soon

  6. I would like to nominate for a cunting the several hundred viewers, out of an audience of several million, who rang in to complain about ITV’s much hyped new Saturday teatime adventure serial “Jekyll and Hyde” a show that bore little resemblance to Robert Louis Stevenson’s original story, came over as “Carry On Screaming” without the jokes and was, I thought, a rather lame attempt to rip off “The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen” (itself a rather half arsed attempt to film Alan Moore’s comic… oops sorry Graphic Novel of the same name). Apparently Jekyll and Hyde had their timid brats cowering behind the sofa and was too frightening for the teatime audience. OFCOM are now apparently launching an investigation on the grounds that a tiny percentage of viewers thought it was “inappropriate” (GOD I fucking HATE that word!!) So in effect another minority wish to dictate what a vast majority can see. CHANGE THE FUCKING CHANNEL YOU CUNTS and let the rest of us have that choice as well. Apologies to any Graphic Novel enthusiasts reading this by the way, but they really are just comics…..

    • I thought it was quite good myself. Still, the whingeing cunts should have been told to shut the fuck up. Wait until this Sunday’s episode, it’s supposed to be more gruesome than the first one.

    • I suspect the ‘several hundred viewers’ were in fact members of the cast and production team of this shite programe. These transparent stunts are becoming all to common as more and more immature graduates of media studies degrees get employed and think they are at the cutting edge of PR. Cunts the lot of them.

  9. polanski is a kiddy fiddling fuck, should tie the dirty little twisted degenerate to a tree and roast the polish sausage cunt with a flamethrower

  10. Norman, naming Woody Allen is inspired. When asked about his relationship with his adopted daughter Soon yi ( I think that’s how its spelt) he said “ The heart wants what the heart wants“. I think this makes him a complete and utter shit. Mia Farrows previous husband Frank Sinatra offered to break Woodys legs. She declined. I’m sure I would have accepted the offer.

    • Thanks, mummybaer… Mia should have let old blue eyes and the boys put Woody’s pecker in a pickle jar…The heart wants what the heart wants?! More like what his knob wants. the dirty old cunt…

  11. Paul Scholes is a cunt… Scholes has been all over the media (again!), this time he is saying he “would not enjoy” playing for Van Gaal and there was “a lack of creativity and risk”….
    Good job you don’t play for LVG then, you bitter little ginger gremlin… Couldn’t be sour grapes because LVG kicked the ginger cunt off the coaching staff, could it? Another reason could be the ‘Class Of 92’ putting out another crap documentary on themselves (why don’t the cunts just copyright and trademark ‘Class Of 92’ a la Disney etc?)… I’d like to see Scholes say anything to Van Gaal’s face, the old Dutch bulldog would fucking eat him…

  12. I enjoyed this article about bananas. I don’t eat them, yet somehow this summed up modern life.

    To the reason I’m here (and it’s not to praise your article you cunt)… NICK GRIMSHAW. I DON’T CARE HOW MANY TIMES YOU CUNTED HIM, THERE IS NO BIGGER CUNT WHO HAS EVER LIVED, IN THE HISTORY OF HUMANITY. IF YOU DON’T CUNT (OR RECUNT) HIM THEN THIS WEBSITE ISN’T AUTHENTIC CUNT. ENJOY MY CAPS LOCK YE CANT YE

    • Whats peoples hang up about grimshaw? sure he’s a poofter cunt but he at least said he was gonna throw acid on simon cowell. Are there other reasons cause the acid thing was pretty cool?

  13. IN FACT NOT JUST IN THE HISTORY OF HUMANITY, IN THE HISTORY OF LIFE, IN THE HISTORY OF MATTER, SINCE THE BIG BANG. HE’S SO BIG A CUNT HE PROBABLY CAUSED THE BIG BANG FROM ONE MASSIVE FANNY FART FROM HIS QUIFFY CUNT LIPS. HOW HAS THIS CUNT GOT ON THE RADIO AND NOW THE TV

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