CGI celebrities

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audrey-hepburn-galaxy

I hate that Galaxy ad featuring ‘Audrey Hepburn.’ The computer generated version of Hepburn is disgusting. It’s soulless, tacky and whoever from her estate (or whoever owns the film rights) gave the go ahead for this abomination should be shot.

Grave robbing (ie: shitting on someone’s memory) to sell chocolate?! Why don’t they just dig the poor cow up, put a paper hat and streamers on her and have done with it?!

Nominated by: Norman

24 thoughts on “CGI celebrities”

  1. It is souless and tacky and its creepy just like modern day television and the shite ads keep on getting dumber and more ridiculous. Its creepy in the sense that it reminds me off XL5 Fireball, decent show but creeped me out as a lad , I prefered Thunderbirds and Stingray. Also Captain Scarlet and the Mysterons was ace, especially the soundtrack was enjoyable but overall Thunderbirds was probably my favorite show of Gerry anderson’s .

  2. An obscure cunting, but a very well deserved cunting nonetheless!
    In this day and age you can guarantee that some people believe this to be a filmed advertisement and have no idea it is in fact CGI.

    Whatever next, a CGI Savile advertising BUPA private health-care?
    I can imagine it now, Savile walking around a hospital with a big bunch of keys.

    • It’s worse than that Jim!

      It is filmed and it is cgi. They found an actress with similar physical features to Ms Hepburn, filmed the scene and then they cgi’d her face over the contours of actresses face.

      Gives you great faith in the use of cctv as evidence; does it not?

      • Was not aware of that, it will not be long until they can photoshop on the fly ‘live’, much like antares auto-tune for singers, it used to be a studio only hardware process, that’s why CD’s sound different to a live performance, but they can now track the key on the vocal in real-time.
        You might as well just listen to a CD or MP3, a ‘live’ performance is identical.

      • I am a sound engineer, I work for a small independent production company, we create incidental and background track music for tv and adverts! – Ironic really considering this cunting.

        So, No, Chris Spivey did not tell me about auto-tune, we have had antares auto-tune on our studio macs for years but it has only recently become a ‘live’ plug-in, up until then all corrections had to be done after recording the vocals, post-processing.

    • It’s CGI all right, as King Cnut says… Those eyes aren’t real…. I’m waiting for some unscrupulous yank cunt to create a CGI Elvis Presley… The sad thing is that loads of stupid cunts would actually pay good money to see an ‘all new’ Elvis show…

    • This is how it was done:
      http://www.framestore.com/work/galaxy-choose-silk-chauffeur

      Have prostituted me distinguished old arse for filthy lucre orn a number orf filums and have watched the encroachment orf cgi over the years. Problem is the johnnies that do it generally cannot draw to save their lives and have no natural or trained ability to capture or interpret the human form (can hear Brian Sewell in me ear). Everything is “referenced” or digitally captured into a computer programme and manipulated there. It has got to the stage where pretty much anything can be done but in most cases still looks a bit plastic.
      International business. Did a spot orf very well paid wanking orn Hugo, the Scorsese fillum nominally shot at Shepperton Studies but then intensively redigitised in centres acrorss the world. (And marked me card on Christopher Lee for the pool) Works like this. Footage shot and immediately downloaded to a bank orf computers behind the set and a rough cut orf the sequences made and viewed by the director ie Scorsese and his johnnies. Then footage uploaded to servers in UK, Germany and India where due to international time zones it is worked on 24hrs a day.
      A vast amount orf stuff was shot live in the studio but then digitised and recreated at one orf the three above centres before coming back down again for Scorsese and his people to see before going orf to be redigitised again. Scorsese then went away and supervised the edit in the US during which time other stuff was added and amended. All at great corst since you ask.
      Final result (and it was in 3D before I forget and I must remember to cunt that as well) was weird science. Sequences I remember spending weeks sweating in were like some strange alien otherworld. Life but not as I knew it.
      The other gag, although yours truly would never work again if they knew he was going public my dears, is that the tiny cunt Scorsese is virtually as blind as a bat. Interesting for a film director.
      Why do they do it? Because they can or are prepared to spend very serious money trying. Strange old world where you encounter tossers spending their working lives recreating hair or water textures or, the Holy Grail, skin textures. Will improve in leaps and bounds no doubt, but why not just film it the old way? That takes artistry.

      • “Strange old world where you encounter tossers spending their working lives recreating hair or water textures or, the Holy Grail, skin textures. Will improve in leaps and bounds no doubt, but why not just film it the old way? That takes artistry.”

        And in one short paragraph, Sir Limply perfectly encapsulates everything that is wrong with the modern film industry. Can you imagine Orson Welles or Billy Wilder or David Lean or Hitchcock obsessing over “skin textures”…? Whatever happened to well-told stories?

      • Indeed Fred. Digital allows modern directors to fanny around getting take arfter take so they soon forget what the fuck they are supposed to be doing. Old school film and careful lighting imposed a time and cost discipline that kept story lines well planned and succinct. An old DOP (Director orf Photography) was incandescent about the way films are made now. 4K, 6K and now 8K and beyond (the definition of the digital image) meaning that it will soon be unnecessary to take medium and close-up. The definition will be there to edit all the shots out of one master.
        Particularly pissed orf by film lighting now. Basically large floating balloons with lights inside them plus a bit orf fixed lighting. Very sensitive cameras have filled the screen with candle lit scenes. Infected TV as well. Means all films look the same. Film Noir would be impossible now.
        I imagine only old kraut directors like Fritz Lang would like the present system. All about control. Also Hitchcock, the old perve, who had a thing about skin textures.
        And do not start me orn the formulaic approach to screen writing. No one will look at a script unless it is written in Final Draft and aimed at the yank teen demographic.

      • I can imagine Roman Polanski obsessing over fucking a 13 year old up the arse. But hey that was what they did in those days.

  4. Lighting? Nothing, but nothing surpasses David Lean. The black-n-white of a grimy Carnforth station, then on a sound stage the carriage lights of a night express playing across Celia Johnson’s face. To the burnt out sun of the Arabian desert. The man was a master.

    • Lean was a genius… My dad worked on Chapel Street in Salford when Hobson’s Choice was being filmed… He told me Lean and John Mills were sound blokes, but that Charles Laughton was a cunt…

      • Another erstwhile filum in Cnut’s collection. “Will Mossop? but he’s me boot hand”! And the delectable Brenda De Banzie who’s smile could light up the deepest, darkest ‘coal’ole’.

        And Lawton uses the phrase: “It’s worse than that Jim; it’s worse than that”. Chicken, egg? Mr Roddenberry.

      • Ah Hobson’s Choice. The Laughton vehicle and still popular in its stage version today. Not to forget the disturbing lyrical masterpiece and only film that Laughton directed, The Night of The Hunter.

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