Inflateable Dolls.

 

are cunts.

Inflatable dolls are typically marketed as low-cost party novelties rather than functional products.

These items are defined by their disposable nature and frequently fail to meet basic consumer expectations regarding durability and appearance.

Here are some common defects and issues which I have personally encountered …

Structural Failures: “Dead on Arrival” products that leak air immediately due to pinholes or failed heat-seals.

Weak Seams: Because the vinyl is thin, the seams often split under the slightest pressure, making the doll impossible to keep inflated.

Misleading Proportions: While advertised as “life-sized,” many cheap models are significantly smaller (often only 4–5 feet tall) and have distorted, cartoonish features.

Strong Chemical Odours: Budget dolls are often made from low-grade PVC that emits a strong, unpleasant plastic smell (off-gassing) that can persist for days.

They typically use very thin vinyl (under 0.2mm), which is easily punctured and loses its shape quickly.

Basic Valves: Most use “pinch valves” (like cheap beach balls) that are prone to popping open or leaking air slowly over a few hours.

Mass Production: Lack of quality control means a high percentage of units leave the factory with manufacturing defects.

I am sick of buying bicycle repair kits.

Waste of fucking money.

I`m off to have a wank.

ebay

Nominated by sņigger-sņigger.

32 thoughts on “Inflateable Dolls.

  1. You have obviously brought a product that is not as advertised and is clearly unfit for purpose.

    I suggest that you take the offending item along to your nearest consumer rights office and demonstrate the shortcomings to the staff there.

    Good morning.

    • Also…….

      When you go to the consumer office it will probably be better not to take public transport.

      You don’t want to have to pay for 2 tickets.

      Drive there, but remember to put a seat belt on your doll, even if you sit her in the back.

      The police can get funny about these type of things.

      The cunts.

      • And don’t forget to rinse the spunk out of all three holes first.

  2. I can’t think of anything to say regarding this nom except, get yourself a human girlfriend? Preferably one that’s alive.

    • I agree Jill.

      Until they develop a doll that can cook and make sandwiches I will be sticking to my human version.

      • The up-to-date AI versions cook and make sandwiches Artful.

        In fact they’re so realistic that they’ve always got a headache or on the blob.

  3. I hear they make great Labour leadership candidates however – a step-up in terms of credibility, statesmanship, intelligence and popularity.

      • Presumably the diaorrhea dispersed on his chest is the result of a top-level summit with the Lib-Dems

  4. Im surprised those enterprising immigrants in calais arent using these as one man canoes to cross the Channel

  5. Does it come with a selection of free specs and suits, as well as the use of an expensive Central London ‘Revision’ Flat’?

  6. I bought this thing from Therm-a-rest in the eighties, that self inflated. Ideal for sitting on for ages whilst queuing for Promenade concerts.

      • I have a few of these in the attic and sometimes go up there for an orgy. Wife thought I was going up for suitcases 😁

  7. I bought the de luxe ‘Carol Vordernorks’ model.
    ‘She gives you 4 from the top and 2 from the bottom’ according to the sales literature.

    Trouble is, by the time I’d inflated its hindquarters and Zeppelins I was too knackered to do anything with it.

  8. A few years ago watched a programme on telly on how sophisticated these dolls are now made, which cost thousands. They even spoke, saying “not tonight darling I’ve got a headache”. What’s the use of that, when you can pick up some any old slag for a few quid.

    • I think the difference is that you can’t jet wash some old slag and hang her up in the cupboard after you’ve blown your load up it.

      Not without police involvement anyway.

  9. “Many cheap models are significantly smaller (ofter only 4-5 feet tall) and have distorted, cartoonish features”.

    Cunt Engine will take two.

  10. One bloke bought the latest that sucks you off and couldn’t stop it. Now he’s in intensive care on a life support machine.

  11. I still remember having this real life Chinese woman who couldn’t speak a word of English and would repeat anything I said to her, such as “I love you long time” and I could say anything filthy to her and would nod her head. But she didn’t like me locking her away in the cupboard.

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