I have no firsthand experience of jail. I have 2 stories, though .. 1 excerpt from a documentary I saw on UK prison life 20ish years ago, and another from a trustworthy friend (ex UK armed forces medic, now a British prison guard).
I’ll start with the latter. Short & sweet. This man I’ve known for thirteen years hates the job, more specifically hates what he observes there. The story I’m sharing happened a few years back. An inmate headbutted a guard during a (routine, for said inmate) violent kicking-off. Guard was bleeding from the mouth, teeth loosened. The cunt that did that hurt himself in the lunge. Skin ripped from hitting teeth. Good-enough for the cunt. BUT…. Outside medic brought in. Guess who was prioritised. Yeah. And the assaulted guard basically got sent home with paracetemol.
On ITV, I saw three early-20’s cunts in prison. The documentary was about drone-deliveries of phones, drugs etc. TO prisons and how nets etc. weren’t stopping them. The three(handkerchief-masked) cunts were rolling themselves some decent looking phatties (one keeping lookout) ..and complaining about their cell’s prison-issue Playstation 2’s. The Playstation 3 was out, y’see? .. and the muggers/carjackers/fuck-knows-what’s .. only had the PS2 IN PRISON. And that was (quote) ‘bogus’. Unfair, they reckoned.
(The fact a ‘prison’ PS2 cost £1000 – more than 2-3 standard PS3’s – didn’t faze this trio of cunts. (The outer casing of the machine, plus the television, has to be moulded from a transport resin, possibly acrylic, .. so shivs and drugs and mobile phones can’t be hidden in them .. and the cost quoted on the doc was a grand for each ‘bespoke’ device).
How’s about a new approach, seeing as softly softly is no punishment at all, bar lost freedom. The amount of which (freedom curtailed)should always be at least twice what it generally is (AFTER sentence passed because of early release for ‘good behaviour’ (pass the fucking sick bag!), and often twice more ANYWAYS, from the outset (soft sentencing .. due to overcrowding .. due to high cost of keeping these cunts comfortable : a vicious circle of stupidity!)
Who ‘decent’ wouldn’t like to see ’em try(for example)….
Whitewashed cell, a 7ft cube. Hole in the floor for piss & shit. You want to smear the walls with it? – go ahead. Then live with shit-smeared walls. Supermarket-rejected fodder twice daily. On the turn stuff, say… and same 365 days a year ; no christmas dinner or anything similar. Suicide ropes PRO-fucking-VIDED. Honest to fuck, I would go medieval on the cunts… prison is supposed to be a deterrent. That angle should be dialled up to 11. Best I leave some room for other cunters to weigh in, though but….
Link. Read it and puke, folks…
Nominated by : CuntemAll
With a concurrent sentence supplied by Cuntamus Prime:
I’d like to second this cunting. Any prison where life in a.cell is more comfortable than a room or ward in an NHS hospital is unacceptable.
My own solution is steel mesh-reinforced perspex boxes, 8′ x 8′ x 7′, allowing guards full visibility at all times. Cells on racks, transportable by forklift/telehandlers.No TV, playstations etc. books only and if they can’t read, learn in any number of workshops, situated further inside the prison.
It’s a disgrace that the taxpayer spends £45k per prisoner per year. The yanks spend $27k a year, because they aren’t holding their cocks everytime they have a piss.
We’ll probably all be in one soon, let’s not be too hasty.
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Every one of us is doing time in a prison of our own making.
Equally we are our own wardens. Same rules apply.
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@S-cB
Under rated comment.
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Many years ago I found myself at her majesty’s pleasure and it was a fckn zoo
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Not for being a cunt mind, well, not in my opinion.
Had to explain to my now ex son in law how to not knock my daughter about, things got a bit ‘technical’.
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I left many years ago from HMP Dorchester (Peterborough). You are right. They are all a fucking zoo. The trafficking, the corruption and endemic, and it is very firmly run by the inmates. The Governors are a token gesture that someone is allegedly in charge, on behalf of society.. I left the service following some pretty damned savagery had occurred, and went to IRC Oakington where I shortly found the Apehouse was indeed an Apehouse, and that it was every bit as bad as HMP. I feel heartedly sorry for the poor sods on short term having been jailed for fuck all else like No TV licence or some one off in the heat . Hardened vriminals they are not. Any many are fucking lucky to survive ob release date. Hotels? Well yes, for animals, definitely.
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I worked there until it closed! Absolute joke. A few good officers, but mostly a bunch of cunts who should never have been in the job! The women were mostly worthless who only turned up to talk about what they watched on TV the night before. A few shit stirring, bullshitting bullies made life miserable! Was very happy when it closed and the cunts got sent to a real prison. Some of the women were in tears and tried to get sent to a cushy nick.
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Why does that not surprise me?
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Why am I surprised that you are not surprised OC?
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The prison officers toilets should be situated above the cells.
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i agree sammy that prison should be a hard time, but people are sent there AS a punishment, not FOR punishment, and with the shitty Gov we have had over the last 70 years, a lot of people are there that shouldn’t be.
Teach your dog to a nazi salute? Prison, ffs
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An old boss ofi mne got put away for fraud.
Ended up in an open prison and found work at the local golf club as a groundskeeper.
Mornings spent trimming the greens. Afternoons spent playing 18 holes as a spare and then a few pints in the clubhouse before returning to prison in time for dinner.
When he got out, the first thing we noticed was his cracking tan.
The second thing we noticed was his greatly improved handicap.
He was put away again a few years later. For fraud.
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To recent governments fraud means trying to earn a crust. Fair play to him.
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Bang on
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This has been going on for years, where the old age pensioner is leased thought of and the gap is getting wider. I wonder if many of them turn to crime for better living conditions.
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They can have as many PlayStation machines as they want..
Just so long as they’ve been out as part of a chain gang,picking up litter,dog shit and other untidy items,such as gypsies and pakiś.
Recycle the fucking lot in Oven.
However the prisoner must be well behaved,any unruly behaviour should mean immediate gallows in the exercise yard.
Oh and overcrowding is a serious problem,which could easily be solved by gassing all terrorists, rapiśts,murderers,Saville types and anyone with over three previous convictions.
I’m sure the Hone Secretary has it all well.in hand after all the govt is skint apparently.
The Cunts.
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I read the Wikipedolia page about British lifer ‘Charles Manson’ since the nom. Repeat armed robbery & violence put him inside but his hostage-taking while an inmate, and other antics, saw his sentence compounded up to life inside, cumulatively. His first two rooftop protests, chucking tiles etc. (for days) quoted damage done at £250,000 & & £100,000 respectively.
Lots more hostage-taking (including a fucking prison governor(!) followed over the years. But on a later attempt to take 2 hostages(social workers visiting him) .. 2 guards restrained him in a (successful)bid to avert this act.
But Charlie boy’s shades got broken in the skirmish. Aw diddums.
Result?
An apology in the form of £200 for his broken dark glasses.
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Autocorrect, .. what the fuck is Wikipedolia? I’m afraid to look 😳
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Ask Tommy, I’m sure he’ll know lol
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goddammit! .. UK lifer ‘Charles BRONSON’, not Manson. That (fuckup)was me not concentrating .
Checked for ‘Wikipedolia’ since (at arms length .. those 2 syllables in the middle are a bit suspicious looking) … doesn’t exist, nothing like it. So why does
the program replace a word that exists, with one that doesn’t?
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Formally known as Michael Gordon Peterson.
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He’s a total bellend. He’s nobody outside of prison, he has to be locked up to feed his ego. But, he’s an old man now, just living off his former reputation for being a cunt.
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England will shortly be one huge prison for half the population 😩
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rf covid lockdowns
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And nearly 30% of England’d prisons are filled with muslims.
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News just in…..
Mavis Hepplewhite (96) has just been convicted of a Far-Right Hate Crime.
Admitted to hospital with angina and severe breathing difficulties, Hepplewhite made a deeply offensive comment to a black nurse, calling her ‘coloured’ instead of ‘person of colour’. As the Health Secretary, Wes Mincing, has decreed that the NHS will no longer treat racists, she was handed over to the PM’s new Standing Army and fast-tracked through the courts, receiving an exemplary sentence of 5 years.
Hepplewhite said she didn’t mind at all as she couldn’t afford her energy bills anyway after the Chancellor had stolen her Winter Fuel Allowance. ‘At least I’ll stay warm in jail’ she added.
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96? Cue the Laughing Policeman chorus…
The NHS will no longer treat racists. eh?
What about the hordes of Africans and (cough) ‘Asians’, who refuse to cooperate with the staff, who create endless smells and noise pollution, who make the ambulance drivers lives a misery, who refuse to talk to the white patients, who show no thought, consideration or manners to anyone, and who (claim to) not speak any English (in spite of living here for many years)? Are they not racist to us?
Oh, that’s different. They’re not white and English.
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Snooker player Jimmy White has been arrested by the Starmtroopers on suspicion of possessing a racist surname.
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And The Beatles are to rename their famous ‘White Album’.
Starmer’s Stasi claim the 1968 epic double album ‘lacks inclusiveness’. In spite of the revisioist ‘diveristy’ track ‘Blackbird’. Originally about a proper common garden blackbird. Now revised as a tribute to black wimmin.
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Former athlete Roger Black has also been nicked for being in possession of an inappropriate surname whilst identifying as being white.
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Well Norman, I can see you have spent some time in hospital, because what you describe is exactly my experience. Those bar stewards jabbering into their phones all night, and playing ethnic music at ear screaming volume while everyone else tried to sleep.
Then they would point blank refuse to do what the nurses tried to tell them, and just cause endless bloody chaos, morning, noon and night.
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Willard White, the black opera singer, will be sharing a cell with Jimmy White, to see which one can better the other in their professions. Willard framed Jimmy for being racist.
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How about white room torture for the most serious offenders? The secret service already use it apparently.
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The white room with black curtains in the station?
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I have heard that the two treeswingers who murdered Lee Rigby (RIP) have special muslim food, special shoes, and are allowed to have time off to pray to their god. I bet the bastards have the life of riley.
They should be on bread and water and breaking rocks 12 hours a day.
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They should have been shot dead in the street Norman.
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I agree, Tez.
Same goes for the Chrildren In Need posterboy in Southport.
Instead, we will hear from his mother what a ‘beautiful soul’ he is and ‘mental health’ issues will abound.
The cunt should be dead.
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One can some imagine some kid near Christmas…. ‘
‘Mam, can I have a Playstation this Christmas?’
‘No, son, I can’t afford it.’
‘Please, Mam, I’ve been good as gold all year.’
‘I know that, son. But I simply can’t do it.’
‘What would I have to do to get one, Mam?’
‘Commit rape, murder, arson or GBH. Then you’ll get a PS and a snooker table and a telly. The Home Office will give them to you.’
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It could be worse, or better depending which side of the bars you are on.
Some cunts are never happy.
BBCNews
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I see the shag hag Price is out on bail. Missed her court appearance second time for bankruptcy, it was in Turkey having a face lift!
Needs it’s face lifting with shovel, the cunt.
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I was unfortunate enough to once be a prison officer, I managed 20 years before I took medical retirement. When I started, it was a good job. There were enough staff about to keep order and, there was a modicum of respect between staff and prisoners (but not those cunts who called themselves governors though) and, we got on well enough, the prisoners policed themselves and, anyone giving it large was quickly put in his place. Fast forward a few years and, we had less than half of the staff and, we were locking up these new self entitled cunts, whose sole goals in life were to get hammered or stoned off their tits and never doing a days work and just playing on a playstaion all day. “Fair” fights became a thing of the past too, I regularly saw gangs of joe dakkis setting about one poor bloke for some perceived slight, some of the things I saw were truly horrific. The use of weapons by prisoners also increased massively. Governors and wing managers are now just box tickers for the most part, promoted way above their capabilities, just because they used the right buzzwords in an interview, conducted by another over promoted cunt, so there is no real sense of control or discipline. God help a screw who actually stands up to a prisoner now, there is no backup, as, at my old nick at least, most of the staff are fat, self entitled young lezzers, who have zero life experience and, no bottle whatsoever when it comes to dealing with prisoners. If you do defend yourself if attacked, expect to be suspended at the minimum, while the poor little prisoner gets appeased and faces little or no consequence for his actions.
I could go on forever but, I conclude by wholeheartedly supporting this nom’ and, saying that the prison system is completely and utterly fucked. I’m so glad to be out of it all and spending my hard earned pension!
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I’m all for chaingangs like in the US.
Get the cunts grafting!
That way they’ll be tired for cell block riots and bumming each other.
Get them fixing pot holes . something useful.
That twat who owns Simpsons the key cutting place employs jailbirds.
Lefties think it’s wonderful.
What a lovely man!!
I think he’s a fucking idiot.
I don’t want some criminal serving me.
I boycott the fucker and his den of thieves.
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I saw a programme recently where the presenter went into a U.S prison and they made car number plates.
Caught a glimpse of one, MAGA 1. Could have been for General Cuntsters monster truck?
I’d have have them out litter picking and cleaning up your fly tipping.
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Timpsons.
My phone got confused with Matt Groening.
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Prison is very different to over in the US LL.
Over there it’s all segregated into ethnic gangs.
Blacks , Latino, white boys are called Peckerwoods and they tend to join the Aryan Nations gang.
But one thing they all have in common is as soon as behind bars your average yank goes looking for a boyfriend.
They go cock crazy!!
Often prisoners are stabbed to death on the prison yard over valentine’s cards.
Not sure why it’s like that?
Best you ask the General.
He’s American.
And probably been in prison.
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Apparently lots of space made, now to be filled with Facebook posters/ political thought criminals.
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