Lily Allen [18]

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Lily the mong.

Bored of singing and noshing immo cocks in calas, the member of the showbiz dynasty Allen family has joined onlyfans.

Good grief you say, don’t worry there’s no pictures of her ironing board chest and dropped kebab vagina.

For the low, low price of £8 a month you can marvel at lily’s plates of meat/feet.

Jesus wept, how sad and pathetic must you be to pay for that sight..

I do hope the proceeds of this venture are going to the migrant vermin she loves..
It would be fun to watch them squabbling over the £24 profits..

Sky News

Nominated by: Barry zuckercunt

Seconded by: Fuglyucker

Seconded, what makes this deluded slag think anyone is interested in seeing or hearing any more of her than we already have, it’s the Internet fault for allowing talentless fuckwits like her to get air time….. Pass the sick bag.

106 thoughts on “Lily Allen [18]”

  2. Oh aye its all quite innocent.

    This time next week this silly little bitćh will be being fisted by Katie Price whilst they are pissed on by a Congolese “asylum seeker” dressed as Jimmy Saville OBE.

    You just wait and see.

    Good morning.

  3. Without mentioning the nonentity in question, Fuglyuck thinks on the same principle as l always think. Its idiots who put shite on a pedestal, but can’t get it across without the idiotnet. Then the main body gets a kick in the bollocks for it.

  4. Hopefully as Lily becomes increasingly irrelevant and ever more desperate for attention, she’ll have to resort to ever filthier pọrn.
    It’s soft as marshmallow for now, but within a year, she’ll be quaffing mouthfuls of Kerry Katona and Daniella Westbrook’s hot piss directly from the source before they go all Barrymore on each other’s botties in a triangular daisy chain of up-to-the-elbow anal fisting.
    In fact, they’d probably do this in a paddling pool in my garden for a couple of hundred quid and a gram of finest Colombian each.
    Then off to my love dungeon for some voluptuous exercises for the remainder of their worthless lives.

    • Hats off Thomas!
      I reckon you could come up with an entirely new genre of sexual depravity.
      You are the ghost of B.T.K.s’ and Stuart Halls’ lovechild and I claim my £5.

      • Lily Mong could make some extra cash renting out her child’s forehead for screening Summer blockbusters, then later they could screen some old porn classics like Lily Mong wanking off Syrians in the Calais Camp.

    • Daniella Westbrook? I thought you drew the line at bestiality Tommo?

      Gavin Plumb must be such a disappointment to you.

  5. Why in the fuck is she doing it? It can’t need money, I always thought she was an attention whore and now we have proof. Pathetic.

    • What’s even more pathetic are the weirdos that actually get off looking at women’s feet.

      Bobs and vajeen please thank you please.

    • To answer your question Rik, it’s because she’s a modern day woman.

      They are ALL overgrown children with daddy issues, seeking revenge on men in any way possible, in this example by exposing the small percentage of ‘men’ that are so utterly de-masculinised and suffer from such horribly low testosterone that are actually willing to pay to see a woman’s foot ffs.

      Sean Connery had the right idea, if she get out of line, a sharp slap usually does the trick. Like children, the more you discipline them, the less you have to discipline.

      My current wife was a particularly difficult mule to break, but we got there in the end and she is now a very good girl.

      Me Tarzan, you Jane, dead simple.

  6. The only way you treat people with HPD, is to ignore them. That way, its most likely they will see sense, or commit suicide. I go for the latter. That way its for definite.

    • HPD? Is that when you get orange scabs on your cock and it stinks?

      Don’t want that again, nasty.

      • I don’t go near any women whose identity I suspect is based on which mental health disorder they have, or more likely, have diagnosed themselves with.

        Usually accompanied by blue/pink/purple/green hair, facial piercings and veganism.

        Red alert is activated by the words ‘Borderline Personality Disorder.’

        Drop it like it’s a rod of cobalt-60 and get as far away as possible, however fit and however much you want to fuck it.

        It would be safer to fuck a chainsaw..

    • Big red flags concerning women.

      listen and learn, young ones.

      Tramp stamp. tattooed women are almost always sluts.

      Massive hoop earrings you could fit a coke can through, symptomatic of her fanny.

      Ridiculous haircuts, or colours, or both. Screams slag.

  7. Seeing as the missus was working this morning, I took the opportunity to check out how many Lily Allen CDs she has in her appalling collection.

    Answer: Two. Neatly filed between Abba’s Greatest Hits and All Saints.

    Recall she got me to watch one of Lily Allen’s ‘music’ videos about 18 years ago, wrongly assuming I’d be much taken by the zany supposed social realism, faux cockney accent, swearing, etc.

    Rarely has Mrs Baker misjudged my likely reaction so badly than on that occasion.

    I can honestly say I’ve not seen hide nor hair of Ms Allen since 2006. The only reason I’m aware she still exists is courtesy of this great website today.

    Onwards and upwards!

    • I find it’s best not to mock a woman’s taste in music. They take it extremely personally. You’re probably quite safe if you’ve been together for years but i never considered the response woukd be so ‘dramatic’.

  9. she has a face that should meet a brick wall at high speed, self righteous cunt

    • She has definitely ‘hit the wall’ in terms of shagability.

      A 2 bagger. one on her head, and one on mine in case hers falls off.

  10. I had referred to a munters vag as a dropped lasagne, but a dropped kebab is much worse. I doff my cap to you Sir Baz.

    • Alright, Shackledragger,

      We frequently use the term “Punched Lasagna” in our house. “Clown’s Sleeve” too. I see you are a fellow man of culture…

    • How about the person in question with her throat cut. Then she’d have one at either end.

      • That would appear to be the case MCC
        Viz was fantastic I would be laughing loud as you like on a bus full of total strangers who would be staring at me like I just escaped the nut house.
        Such a pity it ended up a bit shit really.

      • I never deciphered the “Piemans Wig” as a euphanism (the 2019 annual).

        I see lots of inpuutted variations from other cunts enquiring of t’google, and even a reddit about it, but no answer.

        Guess it was just a meta red herring.

        Anyone able to enlighten me otherwise?

  12. I think Lilly’s well worth ploughing 💪

    I couldn’t give a fuck about her politics.
    Obviously if I shot my baby batter up her shed be straight down the clinic.

    I don’t want any mekon kids!
    Chuck it in the bucket.

  13. Lily’s the sort of slag who, if she kicked her knickers up in the air, would never find them again…
    Cos they’d have glued themselves to the ceiling, boom! boom!

    • Don’t be daft MJB, she doesn’t wear knickers.

      Has to remain in a permanent state of easy access, in case any of her Somalian friends has a ‘sexual emergency’.

      She’s so thoughtful, bless her.

      • Might have considered chucking one up it if she asked nice.
        Not anymore though now you point out she’s had a buck tooth Ni
        Gigger hanging out of her.

  14. Lily’s been mocked on the Tweet Machine for sharing a meme of fat bald blokes crying while wearing Union Jacks after the Euro final.

    Several have pointed out, despite her mocking white working class blokes after using their accent in her ‘art’, the Union Jack represents the United Kingdom, not England.

    I believe she made a similar gaffe after the referendum regarding difficulties of Brexit voters getting to Spain.

  16. Not the brightest spark is Lily. Like having a conversation with a very shallow soap dish.

  17. Onlyfans, eh? Prostitution by any other name.

    And, some weirdos might want to look at pictures of mongs. Who knows?

    Seriously though, who in their right mind would pay to clock that?
    Tits like two anadin on a washboard.

  18. “Onlyfans, eh? Prostitution by any other name”.

    Fo’ sho. Completely equivalent.

    As gofundme is to street begging.

    Only cunts do either. Seem to think because it’s digital it’s less trashy. They think wrong!.

    • It’s also like these ‘influencers’.

      Make out they do something worthwhile and useful. But they are just talentless lazy shitehawks, who get money for doing fuck all.

      • and what do the cunts actually influence?

        Real influencers were Jesus…

        and Hitler.

      • according to Google, it boils down down to marketing and promotion of brands.

        So a sales(person), or sales executive as they are called these days.

        AKA peddler, hawker, huckster slso a shill, a false customer taking a cut for promoting goods and services.

      • Here’s a fact for the thread. My missus (gawdblessah!) works with a woman whose grownup son is an online influencer chef (christ!).

        I don’t know her name, I don’t know his name (I never asked and don’t care if either live or die overnight).

        But I did pick up THIS fact.

        The cunt got a payment of six grand from some company to use their brand of blender exclusively in his inconsequential stupid videos for 3 months.

        Doesn’t matter if the cunt thinks the device is shite, it’s not even one where he has to praise it nonstop. Just have it there in the background.

        6K.

        I’ve mentioned the band Alice Donut before , specifically the line “a job well done is not enough without a front page photograph”, from the track ‘Tiny Ugly World’.

        They have another song called ‘The Puny and Revolting Men of Advertising Smile”. (…. ‘staring with affection at their own reflections, they smile’)

        Every ad you ever see anywhere, whether you indulge in the product or not, vicariously costs you. Worldwide ecnomics. And the price of everything goes up and up and up ….

        Stupid, greedy, dumb species ….

  19. Tried to join only fans but was told to fuck off.. I have nothing to be ashamed of. Oh well back to begging outside the supermarkets. My one eyed French bulldog does pull in a few quid mind. I then swap her for my mentalist grey faced Staffy. With bandage even he pulls in a few Bob.. Long day though as I don’t want to be seen driving off so have to wait till all the rushes are over. Fucking hard life for an old geezer.

  20. Lily Allen. Pointless Nepo Kid. Spent years hawking sh$t demos around before Daddy Keith got his showbiz friends to open a few doors

    Fire up the wood chipper. And ask the talentless t!rt if she likes her slippers enough to spare them.

  21. I’ll be honest, I have a few odd fetishes myself but “foot fetish” isn’t one of them… for many reasons which I shall list below:

    – Verrucas
    – Athlete’s Foot
    – Corns
    – Bunions
    – Fungal Nail Infection
    – Ingrowing toenails
    – The cheese-like fucking smell

    There may be more but I think this list is perfectly sufficient.

    • Yes I’ve never really got it.
      Bit like a lot of fetishes.

      I can kind of understand some of the women dressed like a sexy comic book character. Not because I’m a comic nerd just because they’re wearing tight clothing that accentuates certain ahem ‘attributes’
      https://i.pinimg.com/originals/72/56/61/725661c24cff1ab253b68c0f22080dd5.jpg

      But then I’m just a dirty bugger.

      I don’t know why you’d pay to see stuff on onlyflange when you can find all sorts of kinky stuff for free.

  22. Imagine if this kid and the other whores son(kate Price’s Kid) got togetther when they are older. They would have great looking offspring.

  23. I don’t know why but this nom has reminded me of when I was in year 10 at school and a girl came down with impetigo and some of the kids started singing ‘cornflake girl’ by Tori Amos.

    I didn’t I wasn’t cruel like that.
    I just hid behind a book while I nearly cried laughing.

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