Thunderbirds

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New Thunderbirds is a cunt. This is a pre-emptive strike on Thunderbirds Are Go which starts in the UK today.

Whoever decided that Thunderbirds needed to re-made in CGI is a fucktard who requires an urgent cunting. In all the pre-publicity about the new series, everyone involved with it is at pains to say how “timeless” the original was, but in the same breath these cunts also have the nerve to say it needs “modernising” – so it’s timeless AND in need of modernisation? How the fuck can that be?

Same with the great Thunderbirds theme music by the late Barry Gray: these cunts talk about how “distinctive and timeless” it was, yet go on to say how it needs “updating” – by which they mean transformed into yet another forgettably generic “action/adventure” score. Just the usual poverty of ideas from uneducated Media Studies twats, so they take something tried, tested and well-loved and then proceed to fuck it up spectacularly. Fuck off back to New Zealand, you Kiwi cunts – and you can take your CGI Thunderbirds crap with you.

Hang on, it’s being made in New Zealand…don’t we have an agent over there? An overnight visit from Flaxen Saxon and the new Thunderbirds studios could be reduced to ashes.

Nominated by: Fred West

35 thoughts on “Thunderbirds”

  1. Me and my kid brother loved Thunderbirds… He had a model of Thunderbird 3 and I had one of Thunderbird 5… These CGI animations are soulless and uninspiring… Give me the old Gerry Anderson stuff or a Daffy Duck short over any of the crap that’s about now… Its like the modern Doctor Who: ridiculously pompous musical score, touchy-feely muticulti bollocks, sexual undercurrent (why?!), and loads of scenery chewing and ‘human feeling’… The Doc is supposed to be a cool as fuck, detached alien from Gallifrey. He’s blubbed and fallen for birds more times in the last decade than he did in the show’s first 26 years (he never did any of that shit back then)… I dare say that this new Thunderbirds will be no better… The marionettes were part of its charm, for fuck’s sake!

    I just hope the cunts don’t remake the mighty Space 1999….

  2. All about money. I predict a Christmas with fighting in the stores over who gets the last Tracey Doll as the Marketing sharks ramp this whole thing to the level of a buying frenzy.
    Then there will be the inevitable Xbox, PS3 Nintendo games with their midnight releases..
    Followed on by “All new Thunderbirds are go” the movie.
    and some poor cunt will be ordered by the dole to take a job dressed as one of the characters to act as a point of sale.

  3. All of which I could forgive, except the fact that the CGI makes Parker look like a school gate pervert and Lady Penelope like a slapper

    • Sadly as a result of historic sex abuse claims it appears Parker may indeed have been 🙁

  4. The CGI Parker looks like an aging Noel Gallager…
    The CGI Lady Pen looks like Paris Hilton (as you say, Lez, a slapper)….

  5. I thought it was on the other night, but it turned out to be the Leader’s debate. Wrong bunch of puppets and you could still see the strings…..

  6. George Osbourne looks like an evil puppet villain from Thunderbirds or Stingray… So does that bald cunt, Iain Duncan Smith…

    And Norman Lamont (from Thatcher’s lot) was well Supermarionation. He had the eyebrows…

  7. Norman is absolutely spot on with his assessment of “touchy feely, multiculti bollocks” – in the new Thunderbirds, Brains is INDIAN. I kid you not. What fucking cunts.

      • Will ? I always thought Gordon was exiled into space for a reason !

      • Brains was – and always should be – a stuttering geek with a hairstyle that looks as though he gets his fringe trimmed at the same place as Mr Spock. Maybe the PC brigade objected to him stuttering so they turned him ethnic instead? Will International Rescue be infiltrated by ISIS, I wonder…? Or will he start grooming Tin-Tin…?

      • I seem to remember there was an Indian servant in the original so I guess he’s out because of the PC brigade too? Makes you bloody sick, doesn’t it?

        What I want to know is will there be any sex scenes in the latest version. Love to see Alan humping Tin Tin or maybe Parker shagging Lady P. Perhaps we could have a grey Thunderbird numbered 50…

      • Yeah, I think Kyrano and Tin-Tin were Burmese – so, as former colonials, I guess they weren’t considered truly ethnic when the original was made.

  9. Recorded it earlier and just watched it. Here’s a summary…

    – Kill off the lead male character and replace him with a woman
    – Get rid of the Indian servant and turn Brains brown
    – TinTin is a bloke with a white dog so rename her Kayo to avoid confusion and turn her into a babysitter
    – Use the same launch sequences over and over again to save money
    – Make equipment magically appear that wasn’t there in the previous clip
    – Employ some cheap actors to do outrageously bad voice overs
    – Throw in lots of rescues so we can pad the script out to an hour
    – Make the plot totally unbelievable

    Frankly I thought the original puppets were less wooden than the current characters. So one word to sum it all up …. shite.

    • That’s far too generous, Dioclese!

      One of the most memorable sequences in the original Thunderbirds was the launch sequence with Scott and Virgil heading to TB1 and TB2 and the fantastic theme that accompanied this sequence that really conveyed the drama of heading off on a mission. Barry Gray’s music really was integral to the drama and charm of the original and only a token nod to it has been retained in the opening titles, the rest is just forgettable generic shite. The character redesigns are a fucking joke – especially Lady Penelope and Brains – and turning The Hood (the bald baddie with the light-up eyes) into a mincing, lisping English-Actor-as-Hollywood-Villain was the last straw for me. Oh, and then there’s the spectacle of Grandma in a onesie and ugg boots.

      Mess around with a CGI Captain Scarlet all you like, but no other Gerry Anderson show caught the public imagination the way Thunderbirds did, none of his other puppet shows have the same magic.The thing about the original Thunderbirds is that each new generation discovers it and loves it just the way it is. My five year old nephew was bought the DVD box set for Christmas and he adores it. He calls it “‘Birds” and stared at the screen this afternoon looking very confused and saying “But this isn’t ‘Birds” and wandered off to do something else after about 15 minutes. The puppets have far more charm than the flat, bland, unengaging CGI faces. The stories are more complex too – on the evidence of the first episode of Thunderbirds Are Go, it’s just a hectic rush from one set-piece action sequence to another, untroubled by the inconvenience of storytelling, characterisation and plot. This is dumbing-down at its most dumb – an expensive vanity project for all those involved. Since it can only hope to please a tiny group of die-hard aficionados who believe that anything remotely connected with Gerry Anderson is automatically wonderful, this is bound to fail and the sooner it does, the better. Made BY cunts FOR cunts. And it seems like ITV has lost faith already – switching it from a 5PM to an 8AM time slot.

      If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Why not just re-run the originals, for fuck’s sake?

      • Oh – and David Fucking Baddiel is on the writing team for the new Thunderbirds so that explains why the whole thing reeks of opportunistic cuntitude.

      • It’s like all that Tim Burton crap and later on Christian ‘Cunt’ Bale and the ‘Dark Knight’ bollocks… If it ain’t got the words on the screen (POW! SOCK! etc), Frank Gorshin’s Riddler, the light up red phone, and Julie Newmar, then it isn’t Batman…

    • Sounds like an episode from ‘Crossroads’. Remember that pile of shite?

  10. Thunderbirds in its original form showed a non-pc world where technology had the answers. Want an instant motorway? No problem, build a massive road builder and off we go. Empire State Building in wrong place? No worries shift it! What will this new Boy Band version offer? Tree Hugging and Eco missions?
    And can I nominate for a truly epic cunting “self service” checkouts in supermarkets. Devices worthy of Lucifer himself, designed to get the “valued customer” to do a minimum wage job as checkout operator for f@#£$^^g free with the added bonus of pushing your blood pressure into the lower stratosphere!

    • Self Service Checkouts? You certainly can! I’ll see to it. Actually, I’ll even research same for Shitipedia over at my place. I hate the fucking things. Mrs D refuses to use them.

      Having said that, the Waitrose self scan system is quite good – but that’s not really the same thing. The M&S and Sainsbury one’s are bloody dreadful…

    • And self-service checkouts don’t even successfully cut out the need for staff because you always have several staff members lurking around to assist with the inevitable and frequent self-service fuck-ups. Add their hourly wage to the increased losses from shoplifting and is there really much of a saving?

  11. That all new Parker also resembles Gary Neville… It’s the eyes and the hooter…

  12. It’s hard to decide which sci-fi /fantasy franchise has the biggest set of cunts for their fanbase…

    1: (Modern) Doctor Who- Twats who gush about Matt Smith, Tennant etc and think that a female Master is ‘radical’ and ‘a step forward’ when it is just right on PC BBC shite (they also don’t even know who Troughton, Pertwee or Tom Baker are!)

    2: Harry Potter – Cunts who think these sickeningly girly swot characters are real, and who wet themselves all over social media every time that JK Rowling cunt comes out with yet another ‘revelation’ (eg: In Goblet Of Fire Dumbledore secretly went to the bogs to have a piss!)

    3: Twilight -Horrible little emo cunts who think this sack of shit is classic literature, and religiously worship those two tossers, R-Patz and K-Stew (Fuck me ragged! As Roger Melllie might say)…

    Certainly a tough call, this one… I thought X-Files fans were bad in the 90s too… But I would still tap that Gillian Anderson…

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