I thought I’d visit my local yesterday to make the most of the nice weather and have a couple of ciders in the sun. Unfortunately though my enjoyment of this simple pleasure was spoilt by the shower of complete cunt monkeys who arrived shortly after me sat down at the next table to mine.

4 generations of chinless middle class wankers, including the latest addition to the inbred clan, a new born baby probably no more then a month old. Now this little ameoba was obviously the most loved, precious, amazing, miracle that had ever graced the planet and by fuck they wanted everyone to know!

Cue the whole fucking family spending the next 15-20 mins (believe me it felt a damn site longer) loudly singing nursery rhymes to the little shit whilst clapping along and sporting the same wide eyed shit eating grins that you’re more attuned to seeing on the faces of brainwashed cultists.

Plus the kids parents were exactly what you’d expect, a pair of public school educated ponces in their mid 20’s with names like Toby and fluer or something equally pretentious. The dad was a complete wetter who looked like he still called his parents mummy and daddy, and I don’t know what amazed me more, the fact that he’d had it in him to squirt his insipid watery jizz into the arid grumble of the stick insect sat opposite him, or that generations of family inbreeding hadn’t produced a fetus with 9 eyes and a wattle.

All the while this was going on the child just did what newborn babys do, stared vacanantly into space whilst filling it’s nappy with yet another load of Waitrose organic baby food shit.

Finished your GnT’s and Prosecco? Good, now get back in your Rangerover Discovery Sport and fuck off back to the home counties you bunch of self absorbed, posturing cunts

Nominated by : Cuntasurus Rex