Upselling (2)

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I’d like to cunt shop assistants who constantly try to upsell. And as an aside I’d also like to cunt the word “upsell”, but perhaps another time for that one.

What has annoyed me for years is when I go into a small business, particularly bakeries that are staffed with Asian females, there will always that one employee who is hellbent on impressing the boss with her sales.

I understand they are probably on about AU$8 per hour. And I think this sucks.

But if I frequent the same bakery a few times per week, and have been doing so for about a year-and-a-half. And if the same serving wench attends to me each time I ask:

“May I please have one biscotti please?”

I get pissed off when in reply she asks me:

“How many?”

Or:

“Just one?”

Bloody Nora … yes, just fuckin’ one.

(She’s an absolute looker with a great, almost scantily clad bod though so … I maintain composure).

Nominated by: Crocacunt Dundee

(More info on upselling here, Day Admin – Shopify Link )

61 thoughts on “Upselling (2)”

  1. Out upsell her by buying a biscuit and offering another five dollars for a look at her tits.

  3. Upselling is part of a sales assistants job surely?

    I’m more concerned about your choice in the bakery!

    No meat pie, and a fuckin
    Biscotti?!!

    I had to Google it.

    A biscotti is some ducky Italian biscuit!

    And only one?
    Karen fuckin Carpenter could even eat two.

    You don’t even sound embarrassed about your shameful bakery behaviour?

    I thought Aussie blokes were fair dinkum?

    • Asian women selling Italian biscuits in Australia.

      They probably have café au lait and pain au chocolate too.

      Multiculturalism is a wonderful thing.

      • The days of Italian coffee shops in Australia are long gone. As are the old Milk Bars, which is a shame as the Burger with ” The Lot” was fucking incredible and pissed all over any burger McDonalds or the like could ever serve up. Cunts.

    • He’s talking bollocks MNC. The minimum hourly rate here is $AU 21.38 and casuals get a 25%loading on top of that. If he’s nibbling on Biscotti he’s probably from Melbourne or Adelaide, both well known for the more fruity type of Aussie.

  4. I’m not going to blame the staff for this, it’s a fucking management thing so they can get bigger bonuses, the cunts. I don’t mind cross-selling so much because I’m sometimes made aware of something I didn’t know bout.

  5. The West’s obesity problem is solely down to counter staff in McDonalds and Burger King shouting “wanna go large on that”.

    You go in for a cup of coffee and come out with a double Big Mac, large French Fries, Onion Rings and a gallon of Triple Thick Milkshake.

    “I’m loving it”. I really am though. I love McDonalds and its my guilty treat.

    • I love McDonalds, have one round the corner and haven’t been since the day I moved here 8 years ago.

      • My wifes been away on holiday with our daughter for the pasr week so ive been home alone. Been eating shit all week starting to feel rough. But its been fun eating all the shit she doesnt normally let me indulge in bur some fruit and veg wouldnt go amiss now shes back

    • I could never cunt Ronald. I’m all over that shit like a cheap suit. Double quarter cheese yes fucking please. They’ve upped their game since they started here yet its still a taboo bit of bait and hence a true guilty pleasure for anybody who respects their body.

  6. Upselling was fairly common practice when I was selling records.

    For example, if a cunt came in the shop asking for a Chas & Dave or Mrs Mills record, I would invariably ask them if they wouldn’t rather upgrade to Trout Mask Replica by Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band, or maybe a Throbbing Grîstle record instead.

    • Good point Sam.
      Perhaps Paolo Rossi was such a good footballer because there were actually two of them.

    • Very true.

      Un biscotto is also an Italian sports phrase.
      It means (I think) that you help out your opposition to screw up another team or competitor.

  8. Any country that proudly calls a shit restaurant MACCAS and is proud of that is bound to have this problem.

    • Widgery grubs, kangaroo knackers, and BBQ prawns is what I’d been led to believe the average Aussie ate.

      Not gay Italian biscuit.

      Even Liberace would of thought twice.

  9. Someone has been upselling this country Albanians on a grand scale this past two months..

  11. I always say no ice in my drink. Turns a small coke and the local flea pit into a extra large with Ice.

  12. Upselling?

    Like a Tory Party manifesto?

    People don’t tend to try and flog me stuff because I’m a dour cunt and it puts them off.

    One exception is the swarthy cunt who tries to sell me the big issue everytime I pop into the Sainsbury’s near work.

    He tries like he’s not crossed paths before. Last time he tried I asked him if he had a copy of how to cross the channel on an inflatable love lady.

    Don’t think he got the joke.

  13. I was at a Morrisons till, when a young Asian girl asked me if I was alright with packing. For a second or two there, I thought she had said something else, before saying no thanks, I can magage that one myself.

    • Close call! I nearly spat my beer out. Easy to make the connection though.

  14. Everyone tries to upsell, my mate the butcher next door, if I ask for a couple of chops for supper always picks the 2 biggest.
    I have a brother-in-law who has made a living for twenty years going to hotels and training the reception staff to ask the right questions so that you upgrade your room. He is so certain of the process that if you don’t get the cost of the course back in increased sales within 6 months then he will refund the fee.

      • No not that I know of. He is a bit prim and proper, not what you would describe as a right laugh.
        It just involves getting the receptionists to ask things like would you like Wifi or breakfast in the morning.

  15. Remember when you used to go into a shoe shop, they’d always try to get you to buy some kind of polish, spray or even a spare pair of laces.
    Not these days. If you can manage to attract the attention of one of the assistants, they’ll begrudgingly bring you a couple of pairs to try on.
    If you decide to purchase, they take you to the till, with the shoebox clamped under their arm, and don’t hand them over until you’ve paid.
    Then they can’t get you out of the fucking door fast enough.
    What do they think I’m going to do, snatch the box of Clarke ComfiFit and leg it, ffs!
    Those days are far, far behind me, and it wouldn’t have been ComfiFit.

    • Yep, those were the days.
      If you didn’t have Eddie Grants, you usually had a pair of Skedaddles!

  17. Simply they won’t take no for an answer, otherwise their job is on the line. Similar after paying, you get the have a ….. which drives me fucking crackers. I answer with the acronym HAND. Thy look bemused. Don’t know why, they’re saying it all day long and haven’t twigged from my reply.

  18. When I saw ‘ Upselling ‘ as the title for the nom.
    I immediately thought of ‘ Upskirting ‘.
    Is this normal ?
    Good evening.

    • I don’t care if it’s normal or not. Upskirt is my favourite, especially when they pretend to be talking to us and make a deal over some tommyrot.

  19. I upsell my cock it’s a grower and not a shower and never had any complaints. What’s the issue with upselling? If they seen the original product it looks like steptoe fingernail.

  20. “Would you like to go large” always reminds me of the Bond Film where the black guy ingests a gas cylinder and explodes

    • I went in Gregg’s and asked for a rainbow gluten free cupcake with glitter on.

      The woman (with cervix)
      Said it’s buy one get one free.

      I said ” you awful cunt!!”

      I stormed out and I’ll never go there again.

    • does that explain Dianne Abbott being a fat cunt then? imagine if Dianne Abbott exploded? all that chiggun and Jeremy Corbyns rancid old spunk covering everything, it would be like Mr creosote in monty pythons the meaning of life only with chiggun and spunk

    • Mr. Creosote in ‘The Meaning of Life’ has to be the best example of someone “going large,” & that didn’t end too well either!

  22. In Tesco last night had a problem with self service kit, fucking old tabby came over with her Joe 90 headset on looked at machine all the while gibbering away in what ever gobbledegook she talks in pressed some buttons and walked off not fucking once did she address me in any language let alone beautiful English.
    Never stopped gobbing off in the language of the oppressed by whitey native, absolute shower of shit.

  23. Add on sales can be a bit of a cunt in real business. I remember onetime ordering a large series of components only to be interrupted each time by the staff “would i require this as well, because of that”
    It was a new thing to me at the time and I was replying, no i don’t and no and will you fucking listen to me, etc
    At the heal of the hunt, I forgot or was too addled to order the main component for the task at hand, that was for the following week. Was like a cunt that week.

  26. Get that all the time in local Gregg’s one look at me and they think “Fat bastard alert” always come out with more than intended..no will power at all!

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