Shiftwork and Noisy Neighbours

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Shiftwork is a cunt.

A cunting for the disrespectful neighbourhood, that won’t let me get my ‘quality sleep,’ during the daylight hours. More sun means more noise!

So, some forms of D.I.Y. will be going on. With a selection of cunts (The gifted and the not so) either drilling, hammering, grinding or sawing. Others will be out, mowing the grass, cutting the hedge, strimming the borders, or chain sawing through long lengths of timber, ready for the winter burn.

Wimminz will be gassing about the latest gossip, over garden boundaries. A low I.Q. cunt might be trying to have a conversation with some div, who’s about 20 yards down the road. An industrial size ghetto blaster will be in the mix somewhere, churning out shit, that I don’t want to hear.

Boy racers will be trying to do “doughnuts” in the tarmac, in underpowered cars. Ice cream vans driving around, making that same ‘Popeye Jingle,’ that they did 60+ years ag and I am certain, that one of them had a sign on the back that read “Mind that paedophile!” Instead of “Mind that child!”

Ah well! A sign of the times I guess. The now very much daily sound of 999 ambulances, with their sirens going. Perhaps for an emergency situation. Rescuing those poor dehydrated dinghy cunts, that have just arrived from Calais. Or maybe hurrying back to the depot, for an emergency brew.

Car horns blaring, as new party arrivals are dropped off. Dangerous looking dogs, barking, but for no apparent reason. A rather annoying low flying police helicopter, looking for some petty criminal. and the gas board might just think it’s a good time to dig up the road.

But bugger me! Come the weekend, if the sun is still shining, as well as all the excitement emulating out from the hot tubs, the temporarily assembled paddling pools and the hired bouncy castle, the barbecues will be commissioned!

With all the stuff that goes with it. Yes! Family fun for all! The decibel level from here on will only point skyward, as various forms of supermarket grub and grog inevitably get consumed.

It will around this point, when I will ask myself, now if I came home early at about 02:00 in the morning and made this much fucking racket, it wouldn’t go down too well, and as a result I would probably end up getting myself sectioned, under the mental elf act!

So if they could all just shut the fuck up,and just let me get my well needed beauty sleep, that would be just wonderful! The noisy ignorant cunts!

Nominated by: Lord Scunthorpe

52 thoughts on “Shiftwork and Noisy Neighbours”

  2. I have felt your pain my lord, fucking neighbours grandchild screaming at 8am. I rolled in at 3am. Granny was not too happy when I bellowed shut up you little cunt.

  3. It happens vice versa too, Your Lordship.
    A neighbour of mine (many years ago, happily) worked late shifts and used to play his drums when he got home in the early hours. A fat, American cunt to boot.

  4. I like ice cream van jingles, they’re always tantalisingly out of tune, don’t you think? It wouldn’t surprise me if they now had a sign on the back saying ‘Mind that Black Child’ as their lives matter more.
    Have you tried the half bottle of scotch and bottle of night nurse trick? That should ensure a decent sleep.

    • Greensleeves.

      Thats the tune the ice cream van played when I was a kid.

      I still like that tune.

      • We had that round my way. Cheerful Italians driving Bedford CF’s, happy days. Now it’s park keys in minging old transits.

    • there was a DJ at the Royal Standard whose sign off every week as “be careful on the way home. If you have to pull out to avoid a child, make sure you don’t fall out of bed”.

  5. Yes they are inconsiderate Cunt s. Have to say you live in an with a vast wide array of cuntish characters.

  6. I have mentioned before my trumpet tongued brassy neighbour, with her bleached ponytailed hair, radiophoneever in use, loud gramaphone and entitled manner like a WAG even though she sounds like Vicky Pollard, with her 4 year old “Princess” who is as ugly and noisy as her. Every statement, question or cry of delight is shouted – every “no” is greeted with the noisy wailing of the brat. Every door has to be banged, whether it is 2 a.m. or 2 p.m.. You can tell she is going to be the mini-me, another loudmouthed noisy tart.

    Needless to say in this hot weather the barbeque has to come out – including yesterday in 38 degrees, the awful burnt tin and fishy smell suggests she had been barbequing the sweaty jockstraps of every lesbian in the British ladies football team.

    I feel sorry for Lord Scunthorpe and anyone else who has to try to sleep during the day. Instead of selling them at a loss, Saddick Khunt should have sold the neighbours of brassy noisy tarts like that those water cannon that Boris so wisely bought. That’ll learn them.

    • WCB@ – Just mention to the neighbour that “some horrid violent travellers” have intimidated you into selling and they can’t wait to move their 17 caravans in!

  7. I can relate to all of this one, although I don’t work nights I work alternating 5:30am til 1:30pm one week and then 1:30 til 9:30pm the following week… The major plus point of this is that my Mrs works permanent 6am til 2pm… so on the week we are on opposite shifts it’s basically porno armegeddon for me at home, it’s heaven and I love it and it’s more than worth putting up with all of the above for, wouldn’t change it for the world !!

  8. It’s not just neighbours, it seems everybody has to talk over everyone..
    On a packed train two Saturdays ago the decibel level was ridiculous..everyone wants to be the centre of attention, and as for the fake sid James laugh after ever inane comment…no-one is interested in your conversations cunts… pipe down..

  9. Have you considered becoming “the local Nutter”?….shout ” Harlot, The Lord hates Sluts” at mothers pushing a pram past your garden-gate…chuck tesco bags of human shite over the fence into your neighbour’s garden….put up a sign saying “Stuffed animal display £10 tour”…put out bread for birds and then shoot them with an air-rifle from your bedroom window…peer over next-doors fence as they have a barbeque and announce ” I’m a Vegan,you know…..”, buy a mobile-home, etc.

    That should ensure you get the peace and quiet that you deserve.

    • Some good suggestions there Dick. The air gun with telescopic sight, was previously “tried out” on noisy magpies, they are difficult buggers to hit. It’s an old B.S.A. & really looks the part. Had to mothball that one, before the armed responce were called out!

    • I hear there’s a chap from somewhere in Worcestershire uses this tactic, and he won’t back down!

      • Probably in a field somewhere, shirt off squaring up to the ‘king of the gypsies’ .

      • Call me ‘Easily pleased’, but I piss myself laughing at any barracking he receives!! If he’s reading these comments, between bare-knuckle fighting, behind the bike sheds, somewhere in Worcestershire, he must be either foaming-at-the-mouth angry or fucking embarrassed!

      • Your not a paramedic in Worcestershire are you DCI? Imagine attending a heatstroke victim, chopping firewood in 40 degree heat or some other manly pursuit, and between oxygen…”bike shed”….gasp….”Worcestershire”…gasp…”any place”….”any time”…

      • 🤣🤣🤣🤣

        Or collapsed, shadow-boxing to the tune of ‘Eye Of The Tiger🤣🤣🤣

    • DF-F@ Morning Sir Fiddler – surely just a few bursts from a machine gun whilst shouting “you won’t get me Adolf!” would do the trick!
      Reminds me of a whimsical tale of a “London type” some years ago who hated his neighbours so much he sold his house to the PLO 🤣

  10. Shift work is a cunt and the cacophony from the dropoff, pickup and kids with cars at the nearby Papist school shits me to tears when I’m trying to sleep making me a cunt at work that adds to my restlessness when I get home. A feedback loop of cuntishness. I remember my grandparents telling me Papists were considered enemies of the Empire and therefore contrite and quiet in Thier nefarious goings on, happy times.

  11. Kill ’em all and let God sort it out.
    I have a cunt of a neighbour but I sleep easy knowing judgement will arrive with brutal, inhumane style on the day.
    You see,I have a plan, a nasty cuntish plan that will fuck him up for the rest of his miserable existence.

  12. Invest in one of those sensory deprivation pods, or move to a quieter neighbourhood.

  13. Poor Scunny,
    Its a fuckin nightmare trying to sleep in summer if you work nights.

    I worked for years,
    Fucks your sleep pattern right up.

    And noisy cunts abound,
    They dont give a fuck youve worked all through the night,
    Long as theyre alright.

    I used to like it in winter when id got home,
    There was a bus stop over the road and id look out at the cunts waiting shivering in the sleet,
    And itd cheer me up no end!

    Id go to bed with a big smile on my face,
    And as my head hit the pillow and I slipped into the land of Nod id mutter

    “Good, hope you all die of exposure you noisy cunts”
    🙂

  14. I worked shifts for >30 years and found the best answer was to sleep at work.

    Failing this, blackout blinds and windows shut will help no end or maybe get Diane Abbott to sit on your face until you pass out.

  16. I work for myself so have none of these issues and I don’t pay a chunk of my earnings to keep some cunt driving a new car every year while his wife goes to spa days and gets fucked by the personal assistant…then again, the boss is taking all the risk so he deserves these nice things I guess.

    I have never worked proper nights but I do get called out at all hours but you have to remember that people mowing their lawn and driving around is just what normal people do in the daytime….I admit some of them could be quiter about it though.

    You need a sound proof room like in Umbrella Academy mate, that will get you snoozing.

  17. I worked 3 on 3 off rotating days/nights for 25 years, can honestly say I never got a good day’s sleep…..
    The best one was ” shhhh your dads in bed” …..

      • Mnc@ – Father Stack reminds me of my insane Hells Angel mate Mal!
        But I guarantee that fatty Finton would be less rambunctious if he visited Reverend Fox!

    • Excellent.
      “I’ve had my fun and that’s all that matters” – sums up most of the neighbours. Mowing the lawn and a bit of diy is to be expected, but the rest of it is just selfish behaviour. Loud mouth shouty wankers who are the first to complain if it was somebody doing it to them.

  21. Shift worker or not, those noisy cunts are properly enraging. Low IQ cunts who can’t seem to pass a sunny weekend – or indeed any weekend or bank holiday throughout the year – without playing with one of their power tools piss me off no end. Every cunting weekend. Power washers, leaf blowers, angle grinders. And its always, but always, the “I wasn’t any good at maffs at skool” types. For them anything to fill their lives with noise to prevent themselves having to think (which they’re incapable of). And the length of time it takes those cunts to do the jobs! Pointlessly prolonging the noise as a general ‘Fuck You’ to everyone within earshot. With any luck, these cunts will fumble catastrophically with one of their machines and give the rest of us some peace and quiet. Annoying cunts.

  22. I used to do 12 hour nights – hated them, red hot, deafening, standing on a concrete floor for 12 hours operating a machine.
    Impossible to get any decent sleep after a night shift, and I decided when I left that job that I would never work nights again.
    Who is up and about at 3AM?
    Criminals, fruity gentlemen “looking for badgers” and shift workers – nobody else is that fucking daft.

  23. 3 shift pattern for 15 years, in that company whose owner definitely didn’t buy the Chicago bears.😉
    Could sleep on a chickens lip most of the time, once fell asleep sweeping up at the end of a night shift. Worst part of nights was driving home on a sunny morning and your body clock decides to reset.
    That was a cunt.

      • I had a very interesting chat with John Wayne while we shared a pedalo on Pickmere Lake yesterday…he said that you’re a Cunt and he hates you.

      • Who that old Nancy wayne?
        He can go butter his arse and you can hold his knickers you horrid man!
        😂

      • Owns both.
        Just a milkman to keep his hand in like.
        Sort of a hobby .
        He writes about it in his autobiography.

        ‘ I never bottled it!’
        A dairy diary

    • “3 shift pattern for 15 years, in that company whose owner definitely didn’t buy the Chicago bears.😉”

      And, they’re off!!

      • Just me owning my fuck up DCI. 🤤
        There was a longer response regarding the John Wayne issue above, but even submitted twice it disappeared both times.
        Pesky fact checkers, should have a peep at the Ukraine thread…..😂

  24. That bloke in the thumb nail picture to this thread who is yawning looks too much like that bell-end Toby Anstis for my liking.

    I FUCKING HATE THAT CUNT!

    He’s deffo my next Deadpool nom….
    Anstis, you utter Cunt!

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