Christmas ‘Limited Edition’ Bog Rolls

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The wife’s not long back from Asda. As we were having a cuppa, she says “you know, I think I’ve seen it all now”.

“What’s that dear?” says I vaguely, trying to look at ‘Villa Talk’ on my laptop.

“They’re only selling what they call ‘limited edition’ toilet rolls. ‘Orange and bloody cranberry enriched’ they call it. ‘Unwrap the scent of the season’. I bloody ask you”.

“I trust that you declined to make a purchase dear” says I. “I much prefer to use ‘The Guardian’, as you know”.

“Very funny” says she, “but do you remember a while back when Walker’s (was it?) tried to flog chocolate covered crisps?. They’ll use Christmas to cash in on anything. It gets my goat”.

I know what she means. Talk about cynically trying to use the festive season to squeeze a buck until it squeaks. I mean, orange and cranberry bog roll. You wouldn’t wipe your arse on it.

Asda News Link

Nominated by: Ron Knee

 

78 thoughts on “Christmas ‘Limited Edition’ Bog Rolls”

  1. The ‘scent of the season’ isn’t orange and cranberry in my house come 6.30am Boxing Day.

  2. Fucking disgusting.

    Have a shit and have a wash.
    Your arse shouldn’t smell at all.

    If you get a faint whiff of orange and cranberry from someone it’s because the filthy bastard has tried to rub the shit from his arse with a piece of paper.

    Anyway, it’s probably racist.

    Where is the mango and coconut bog roll for darkies?

    • they don’t use paper the bongo bashers still pick their arses with their fingers and lick them after, then they wipe them on your kebab

    • A £million house and no fucking bidet.
      Worked with an Indy-an who took a 2 litre bottle of water to the bogs for cleansing purposes.

  3. I bet Kweer Starmer is stockpiling it, so he will have a nice smelling seat after all the shit he pumps out every day of the year.

  5. I suppose an orange and cranberry scented gusset would be a vast improvement in many cases.

    Perhaps Angela Rayner should grab a few in her local Manc Asda.

      • This is the thin end of the wedge Mr Knee!
        Terrys ® chocolate Orange?

        Now mayonnaise flavour!

        😨😧😩
        Maybe for the American palate?
        But jesus!
        Disgusting.

      • I thought this was a wind-up, MNC, but fuck me, it’s real!
        Not available in the shops, though. You have to enter a competition to win one of 200 jars.
        Think I’ll pass.

      • I know Miserable.
        I’m just waiting for the Cadbury’s Xmas ‘selection box’ bog roll.
        It’s like a wind-up.

    • I still buy Chrimbo cards with the nativity on them to piss all my neighbours off…I’m not even religious but i write GOD LOVES YOU inside to annoy any woketards in my street, I give out over a 100 cards a year yet rarely get one back. ho ho ho

  7. I don’t think that Asda have thought about this enough.

    If you want your arse to smell like something that you have just eaten then orange and cranberry might not be the first choice.

    You could improve your social standing with lobster and truffles, for instance.

    If you are going for a job interview you might consider beef wellington and caviar to add an air of sophistication.

    • Or perhaps if you were a Member of Parliament having your expenses scrutinised you may want to avoid suspicion by downgrading to sausage and mash scented bog roll.

      I am probably over thinking this.

  8. Just out of interest, is it still possible to buy the old fashioned ‘greaseproof paper’ variety of shit-ticket such as Izal or Bronco?

    • We used to use that for tracing paper at school. It was certainly fuck all use for wiping your arse on that’s for sure.

    • izal yes, i’ve seen that in cheapo pound type stores so they still make it, used to slide the shit up your back if you wiped too fast, my gran used to buy izal medicated and give it me to trace andy capp cartoons out of the newspaper, made your hands stink…life was simple in the 60s

  9. Could do with the scent of the “season” or something right now my fucking terrier has had runny bum syndrome all over the kitchen floor. Cunt. Had to put a drop of scotch into my morning coffee ☕️ to steady the nerves.
    Fucking thing won’t stop scratching at the door to come back in. Anybody would think it was cold 🥶 and snowing 🌨 outside. Cunt.

  10. Since when was orange and cranberry the scent of Christmas anyway?
    Most of our Christmases smelt of alcohol and disappointment.

  11. Good Morning Everyone,

    I am an avid reader Viz and saw advertised Boris Johnson bog rolls and bog brush . I bought 2 bog brushes and 6 rolls (ideal stocking fillers) for stocking fillers for my friends and family.

    • Be cheaper just to pay the real Angie to lick your arse clean.
      Hear shes up for that.

      Morning Thomas 👍

      • Morning MNC, looking forward to Christmas?
        Rayner would be nice, but I’d actually prefer Harriet Harman to clean my arse.
        Rayner could be round the front giving me a ginger nosh.

      • I am looking forward to Christmas 🎄⛄
        Unlike these bitter old crabapples on here I enjoy it.
        I finish work on the 23rd,
        And im out with the lads for a Black Sabbath tribute band and a proper drink.
        Festive cheer!!

        Your kids grown up now?
        Or teens?
        I liked it when mine were little Thomas,
        What Christmas is about,
        Over excited little kids,👍👍

      • Yep, I love it too, MNC, even as a bitter old cynic. Gotta watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” this year, haven’t watched that for ages.

    • how about barry soetoro, smegham sharkel, Diane two left shoes, david the white saviour lamming …all great arsewipes

  13. Why is everything labelled ” Winter” or ” Limited” edition?
    Christmas!
    There, I’ve said it and haven’t been struck by lightning.
    Fuck off with your Winter & Limited editions.

    • It’s actually the ‘limited edition’ bit that made me laugh. Anybody would think that it was a Lamborghini or something.

    • Is it a collectors item? I imagine like antique toys it loses some of its value if its been removed from its packaging and used. Love to see some show up on the antiques roadshow in a few years.

      • Brilliant!
        Imagine the ‘Roadshow’ with some avaricious cunt barely able to contain their impatience about their value as some cunt wittered on.
        ‘…it’s a particularly fine example of the genre, a set of eight still contained within their original wrapping and in mint condition. Naturally the value would drop drastically if there had been any use made…’.

    • It’s funny, but it’s only a few weeks ack that Hot Cross buns disappeared from Tesco’s shelves.
      I am a naive cunt, always thought they were an Easter thing. I suppose stocking them almost throughout the year dechristianises them…

  14. I always use pork stuffing and sprout flavour arsewipe. At least that what it smells like.

  15. The commercialisation is what I dislike the most about Christmas. The unnecessary nonsense that pervades what should be a very short period each year that is meant to serve to realign ones moral compass. Industry has turned it into extended period of stress, pressure and total fuckwittery … it’d be nice if it were a blend of relaxation, peace, contemplation and even a bit of fun. (Only three days max mind).
    ‘Take the tat outta Christmas’ … Scented bog roll … my arse!

  16. Morning all.
    I was drawing the curtains last night and couldn’t help but notice that several houses had coloured lights flashing away on the front of the house.
    I couldn’t help but notice because I should imagine that they could be seen from Mars, daft cunts!
    I’ll be switching on the lights of a small, tasteful tree on the 24th, and putting it away on the 27th, as always.
    Bah, humbug!

    • Enjoy while you can. With net-zero there won’t be enough power for a single Christmas light, and if you were fortunate enough to have one, the family will be gathered around it trying to stay warm.

    • There are two houses ,next door but one to each other, around the corner from us.
      I swear that they see it as a competition, a matter of pride, to see who can make the biggest cunt of themselves over the absurdity of their decorations. It’s grown steadily worse over the years, to the point where they’ve got Santa figures on the chimney, flashing lights festooning every bit of gutter, bush and tree, illuminated reindeer and polar bears in the garden; it’s a fucking shit shower.
      They start getting this stuff up first week in November, Goodness knows how much it costs them in power.

  17. Bobbar scented bog roll? Would have to be my own bobbar smell, can’t stand anybody else’s except Jennifer Lawrences’s.

  19. Good morning Cunters.
    Clearly this nom has helped a bit to get you all into a seasonal mood…

  22. Cunts should have launched a Xmas holly version so anyone mug enough to buy this will lacerate their asshole when they wipe it.

    No doubt some snowflake woke marketing hipster cunt came up with this idea.

  23. I can just imagine the marketing cunts in their brain storming session talking about scents and some git suggesting “Sage & Onion?” before it was quickly dismissed.

    Bunch of arseholes!

  24. I’m not sure what’s worse, that the fuckers at Asda sell this bollocks or the stupid cunts that have actually bought it. Some of the retards have even written reviews – one twat said “Not the smell I expected”. It would struggle to hide the heady aroma of stale Guinness & kebab in my crapper.

    • I saw that review when I was looking for a pic to add to the nom CS.
      ‘Not the smell I expected’ ffs. I was tempted to add a response ie ‘was that before or after you wiped your arse on it?’.

    • Thanks JP.
      I always try to see the lighter side of things when I put up a nom. It’s all to easy to lapse into a depressed state at the mo, I’d say.

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