Cheap Cigarettes

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I smoke cheaper fags nowadays because Marlboro Lights and Camel Lights are almost 11 squid a packet.

However, due to my insistence on smoking, and the fact that now I’m on 20 a day, the Pall Mall Flow Blue fags that I imbibe (9.50 a pack) keep dropping their coals on my carpet. 5 coals in 3 years including 3 today. Cunts.

Btw my iron’s a cunt as well because it fell off the ironing board and burnt mi bedroom carpet.

CUNTS!

Nominated by: Dark key cunt 

(This nom was originally called “Cheap fags”. However, WordFence doesn’t like the “f” word. So to avoid your comments going into the Mod Q, please don’t use the word “fag” – DA)

47 thoughts on “Cheap Cigarettes”

    • Sounds way better than the Polish ones I got once from a tank I used to work with, All I remember was they were in a blue packet and were filterless and brutal.
      He also sold me a 1kg block of “rolling tobacco” that was more hay, Worked well in my special cigarettes though and lasted about a year as it was so rough

    • It obviously got worse for Sparkle Tits and the Half blood Prince in America.
      Who could have predicted that? To be honest, everyone except these two idiots.

      • Sorry if my last post looks out of place. I was commenting on Cunt’s Mate Cunt link.

  2. I often think about the coffin nails the troops from World War 2 enjoyed.
    I have my suspicions the quality may have declined somewhat since then.
    Jolly unfair.

  3. I buy mine in Denmark when I go to visit my son. Usually bring back the full limit of 3200.

    They were about £5.50 a pack for B&H gold. Now up to £6.50. But still a lot cheaper than the £13.50 the rob dogs charge over here.
    The Danish ones are like B&H used to be back in the 80’s.

    Whatever you do, don’t ever try Israeli Noblesse ciggies. You need a leather throat for those.

  4. I smoke rollies…packed in the Benson+Hedges about 30 years ago and don’t even really enjoy a “proper” cigarette anymore. Until this Corona shite started I used to get my ‘baccy off a bloke who imported it in quite a big way….cheap enough and the “real” stuff…50g does me a week. I was fucking appalled when I had to start getting it from the shop…20 odd quid for 50g indeed.

    Curse those fucking Ching-Chongs and their fucking virus.

    • PS….I am thinking of starting smoking a pipe….one of those Sherlock Holmes ones would do nicely…probably would have one already but everyone I see who smokes one seems to spend more time fannying on cleaning,filling and relighting it than they do actually smoking it.

      • PPS…you’ve never truly shat yourself until you’ve been in the cab of a timber-wagon with 20 ton on the back…coming down a frozen compacted snow track on the side of a Lake-district mountain…with a mad bastard driver who gloried in the name “Bigfoot”… as he rolled himself a cigarette,dropped it and then ducked down to scuffle under the seat for it as we picked up speed while approached a tight corner with a sheer drop.

        I’m convinced that experience was the closest that smoking has ever come to killing me…I remember thinking as I gurgled in horror at the Cunt that if the crash didn’t fucking kill me, the heart-attack that I was about to have most certainly would

      • I have a selection of pipes in a rather natty victorian cabinet.

        May I suggest cherry and vanilla tobacco or Danish blend. Both are quite sweet and a very satisfying smoke.

      • @OB….I sometimes have cause to go and put back up stone-walls on the Fell up the back…amazing the amount of broken old clay pipes that I find..every fucking one of the old buggers must have smoked.

      • @General…it was neither. It was a fucking sheep track that had been widened just to get to the block of forestry…tight as fuck with just a loose hogging covering and soft spots where the edge had crumbled away.
        That wagon- driver was either a raving maniac or the bravest man I’ve ever met…typical Cumbrian, slow speaking and looked genuinely amazed when I was calling him a fucking madman…just laughed and told me to “stop filling my knickers”.

  5. I don’t think there will be any more baccy trips Mr F. I had a look on the Gov. website. Fuck me 5 packets each!!!!!!!!!
    I think they want the smokers to single handedly to bail us out of the fiscal black hole.

  7. In Cambodia, Marlboro $US 1.50 for 20…. No wonder I couldn’t give up….back here in Aus…$AU 32….instant quiting. Price is a deterant after all!

    • Same in Sumatra, Marlboro red 20,000 rp = $2 Austrine. Sucked that shit deep into my guts for four years.

  8. I remember the counterfeit baccy and ciggies that were mostly floor sweepings. From a carpet factory.

  9. Jin Ling – the worst Chinese filth. Made from pubes, battery acid and the dried remains of suicidal Apple employees – avoid.
    Back in neanderthal times when I used the filthy weed I smoked rollups, normal cigarettes are foul by comparison.
    Well, time to play out.

  10. I gave up on the f AGs last may. Still crave one today. Bastard that is nicotine. Dark key you need to get out and about a bit some folks I know and hundreds I don’t know smoke Jarg ciggies at less than a fiver for twenty.

  11. Never bought a packet of fäägz in my life, being a tobacco farmer back in Rhodesia I used to pick my own leaf and dry it, gave up smoking when turfed out, tobacco quality in Blighty is fucking shocking!!!

    • Cheap f@gs are orrible.
      Burn fast ,taste like shite, full of god knows what.
      I gave up smoking a few years ago, smoked 20 a day.
      I started to smoke menthol so the taste of mint was associated with a f@g.
      Used a vape pen to give up,
      Worked a treat.
      Dont miss it.

      • Same as me, Mis. Smoked rollies for 25 years, the old moggie here developed a nasty cough, poor little blighter so that was all the motivation I needed to give up. Got straight on a vape pen and down to 0.2 nicotine and haven’t smoked for 8 years. Those things are recommended if you wan’t to quit. You can get away with puffing on a plane if you sharp about it, too. I really detest those giant box things that people puff on though, huge things that fill a room with a cloud on an exhale, completely needless.

      • MNC@ Vape pens are top – every smoker would be well advised to try them.
        I am getting the money together to buy some bottling machinery and produce vape fluid (it’s pretty easy to make) – what we get in the UK comes generally from India and the land of the Dench, and I can fkin clean up!
        Being filthy rich appeals to me rather, as life is a shit sandwich and the more bread a Man has the less shit he eats!

  12. Loved B&H Sovereign and Player’s No.6 & No.10 back in the day.

    Also rolled up my mum’s Player’s untipped dog ends – real lung-busters!

  13. I’ve bought a load of baccy seeds for the allotment. Hope is that I will have something smokable once cured at the end of the summer. Then I am going to start a local ciggy bank and give it away.

    • You’ll need at least a greenhouse ma’lud, make sure the soil is dry with only light watering, Blighty isn’t the best tobacco growing land in the world?, avoid any pesticides or chemicals, being a nightshade it absorbs any nasty shit, hence chemicals in modern fäägz, happy growing!!!

      • Thanks Cap’n. I do have a greenhouse at home and apparently, I have to start them off there and transfer when frost risk is gone. Allotment soil is fantastic – unlike the rest of the clay crap in this part of Essex. It’s an experiment – as you point out, we don’t really get the sun in the UK. Anyway, I’ll give it a go. Thanks for the chemicals tip.

        p.s. – I was watching old vids of Salisbury (now Harare) t’other day – don’t ask me why. How it’s been fucked up…..Only thing is, I guess most of the USA will end look like that in the coming years.

  14. I don’t smoke. I tried it, didn’t like it.
    I remember when I was a young child my aunty used to smoke posh dunhill cigarettes.
    I think she was the only one in our family that smoked.

    In the shop where I work there are cigarettes but they are in a cabinet. Also, I notice the packaging is rather plain looking nowadays.

    In regard to those vaporiser things, why are they scented like fruits and sweets? Surely that would attract children to try it. I wonder if they would have the same appeal if they smelled like eggy stink bombs or farts.

    • CM, I wonder if our very own Lord D.F of ISAC website has tried a fruity one. Vaporiser that is.
      *Runs away*

  17. Cheapest tabs I ever smoked were called Buckingham which were a bit like No6 but came in an attractive pack. By that time I’d already made my way through Gold Leaf, Embassy, Park Drive and Lucky Strike. It was then that I was taken to hospital for the second time and injected with aminophylline to enable me to breathe. And that was it, no more. if I’ve really saved myself £73 K since then, I’ve no idea where it went.

  18. My Great Uncle John smoked 40 Senior Service a day. He was at the Battle of the Bulge and he lived until he was 88. Every Sunday he’d take to me on Heaton Park Boating Lake for a boat ride. A lovely man.

  19. Gave up the growlers about 10 years ago, reckon if i smoked one now i’d throw up. Still enjoy a strong spliff mind. Cunt.

  20. I started smoking cigarettes due to smoking so many joints rolled with hash and tobacco. Never intended to be a cigarette smoker but that evil fuck nicotine got its hooks into me. At worst I was getting through more than 40 a day – Park Drive!!

    Stopped cold just over 20 years ago.

    I now smoke herb only. Good weed in Canada!

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