Kim Jon Undead

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Kim Jong-unDead
I love a good conspiracy theory, you know the sort of thing. NASA faked the moon landings. Aliens crashed at Roswell. Paul McCartney died in a car crash in 1966 and was replaced in The Beatles by a double. Conspiracy theories can be a great source of entertainment.
We may be in at the birth of a new conspiracy theory, namely, one concerning the fate of tinpot Mao wannabe Kim Jong-un, erstwhile Supreme Shining Light of hermit state North Korea.
Speculation seemed to start on 15th April, when The Great Hope failed to attend the birth anniversary of state founder Kim Il-sung. Since then rumours have abounded as to Kim’s condition, and a pantomine theme has developed; ‘he’s dead!’, ‘no he isn’t!’, ”yes he is!’. Reports variously allege that he sustained injuries at a failed missile test, that he’s been the victim of failed heart surgery, or that he’s in a persistent vegetative state. A former North Korean diplomat reports that Kim is alive but in a bad way, being unable ‘to stand by himself or walk properly’. However a defector named Ji Seong-ho claims that Kim is indeed dead, and that the country is grappling with ‘a complicated succession issue’. Meanwhile a photograph has been issued which purports to show The Guiding Hand alive and well, opening a chemical factory just days ago. ‘Ah’, say doubters, ‘there’s something amiss, we don’t know when this picture was actually taken…’.
So the plot thickens. Is the fat fuck still above ground, or has he actually popped his clogs, with the ultrasecretive dictatorship maintaining a facade as it tries to steel itself for the unprecedented outpourings of grief which his demise will naturally provoke?.
My own twopenn’oth on the subject (for what it’s worth) is that the twat’s probably had a dose of the old C-19, which of course doesn’t officially exist in North Korea. Unless you guys know better… has Kim been replaced by a body double to maintain the cult?. Has he been supplanted by an alien lizard?.
Anyway, Kim Jong-un alive or dead, it’s a win-win as far as I’m concerned. If he’s dead he can be carted off to China to be boiled down for glue, and make himself useful for once. If alive, he can continue to entertain us all with his bizarre and ridiculous hair styles. Alive or dead, he’s a complete cunt either way.

Nominated by Ron Knee

69 thoughts on “Kim Jon Undead”

  1. There was some video footage on the news a few days ago, showing the fat cunt waddling along to open some factory or other. If it was a stunt double then he looked fucked as well.

    • Was it Fatty or his old man that, according to the unbiased North Korean propaganda machine, shot 18 holes in one in a single round of golf? The weird cunts have always been good for a laugh.

      • Fucking Western imperialists insulting the Dear Leader.

        Calling him fat? He’s as svelte as Karen Carpenter.

        You’ll be telling me next Graham Norton is a whoopsie and ‘Posh’ Spice is a talentless skank.

        Shame on you running dogs of the capitalist elite.

      • He’s a lying cunt.
        I know for a fact that he double bogeyed the hole with the windmill….

      • Apparently not.
        He could walk at 3weeks old.
        Talk at 8weeks old.
        Drive at 3yrs old.
        When he was born a double rainbow appeared, as did a new star in the sky.
        He holds records in many sports including mountaineering.
        Hes also a great painter, author, writes operas, winscyacht races and bowls a perfect game.
        So whys he so fuckin fat?

      • Hehehe! Yeah 3D he suffers from rodentis fromagus, as suffered by Roland Rat, Jerry the mouse, and Disneys own Mickey.
        Cant keep his hands off the Dairy lee cheesestrings!!😌

      • I bet his golfing partner thought it prudent to overlook the fact that he’d actually carded 108 for the round!

      • Reminds me of the time me and my Dad played golf with someone he worked with. Any putt about two feet and in from the hole we used to give so we weren’t fannying about as if we were pro’s. Got to the end of the round and me and my Dad asked him what he’d gone around in. “72” came his reply. “Fuck off” me and my Dad said in unison. The stupid cunt thought that the putt we gave him on every hole didn’t count on his score. He’d actually gone round in 90.

      • Yes the tee off was just a putt from the funnel shaped greens. All 18 holes. Took him 3 minutes

    • Well, a 7-stone weakling wouldn’t have the right …gravitas as a body double.
      Personally, I reckon they’ve just found a morbidly obese fatfuck to waddle round. Not so much a body double, but a quadruple.

  3. I have him in my Dead Pool selection…what a pile of cunt.
    The fat midget cunt…if Kim or his spy’s are reading this I know naffink abaaaaaht it and I said naffink.

    • Admin@
      Thats a very odd image at the top,
      Like porky pig playing Dennis the menace.

      Odd looking fucker isnt he Kimberley?
      Im odd looking but kim takes 1st place, he fascinates me.
      Bit like if the elephant man John Merrick sat on the bus youd have to look?
      Kimberleys heads round as a bowling ball but with the strangest haircut ive ever seen, an I was a punk rocker!
      That recent footage of him riding a horse, looks weird like if a goldfish cycled past you.
      When he was born bet the doctor slapped his mum.

    • B&WC I do hope ‘Rocket Man’ has chipped out…I can imagine them now, all sat around the table enjoying a ‘rubber of whist’, Mr Kim, Fred West, Roberto Mugabe, James of Savil……Beelzebub watching on, admiring his work…

      • I reckon have been robbed a Dead Pool win by the communist cunts Daz.

      • Denied he is dead…Honor Blackman…nope not dead…Norman Hunter..nope..not dead…

      • Mr Mugabe with his small trash being glared at by Mr Hitler on the next table.
        Mr West, sat soaking wet in his own sweat and jizz.
        Mr Kim sat all pensive in him compression socks.
        And Mr Savil sat with his cigar and inane grin looking across the table through rose tinten spectacles….he took them down with him. CUNTS!

  4. He faked his own death to see if anybody cared yet all they did was take the piss even more. Go on you fat tyrant, slurp down another packet of Pol Pot noodles.

  5. Good Morning

    Another excellent cunting Ron, I wish I had your eloquent way with words.

    The last sentence of your penultimate paragraph I read as lWill he be replaced by Eddie Izard” Specsavers coming up after lockdown.

    I can understand the delay in an announcement if he is Hovis. His sister due to take over and whilst a very pretty girl, she would be the ultimate in danger fucks. You could feel the Ack-Ack batteries being prepared as you struggle with premature ejaculation, Although that is a long and distant dream nowadays.

      • Are you saying you would turn it down? You, Bertie, are a man of extraordinarily high standards.

      • Welllllll. Possibly not. I usually like high cheek bones in a women but she’s got a bit of a look of a preying mantis about her!
        I just feel she’d have her wicked way with me and then eat me!
        😀

      • She’d eat your head right off your shoulders while the rest of you continued spawning, I saw something like it on Dave Atten-Burra, with Steve Irwin shouting “crikey she’s grumpy”.

      • 🎵I like the powder blue dresses
        The stewardesses wear on Korean Air
        The skin’s divine and their bodies so fine
        They’re all the same height and they have the same waistline
        But there is one who stood apart
        Her name-tag read “J.H. Park.”
        She had a white watch and a muted spark
        And I thought about her when the night grew dark. 🎵
        By the time I awoke . . . . Mark Kozeleck

      • It’s that ‘power woman’ thing. Marine Le Pen gives me a hell of a boner.

      • Wow – what a woman!

        To paraphrase Orwell, she can stamp her bootie down on my face forever anytime. 😍

      • Stamp on your gonads, put a fag out on your chest and call you a maggot?
        😁😁😁
        Shes the dominant type alright.

  6. He’s my favourite nuclear armed dictator by a country mile.
    Loves his weird scoff,brandy and Commie fags.
    Always a cheeky grin on his face.
    Soon sorts out any bad eggs as well,with an anti aircraft gun by all accounts.
    I wish he ran the BBC.

    • He’s certainly a refreshing change from fucking Arab and Islamic nutters, that’s for sure.
      I wish they’d give the cunt his own reality tv show; ‘Life (and death) with the Kim Jong-uns’. Could be compulsive viewing.

  7. I find this guy rather fascinating and a constant source of entertainment, you just never know what he’ll get up to next.

  8. He seems really popular to me. Absolutely everyone smiling and laughing on his birthday and everyone beside themselves with grief when his old man died. The pictures don’t lie surely?
    Ron Knee has my vote as chairman and commander cunter as from now.

  9. I would like to bang his wife, poor cow have that fat ugly cunt slobbering all over her.
    Power and money…. gets a fit bird, in a real world situation he wouldn’t even be able to pull Emily Thornberry

    If he is dead and she would like to get out before Kim’s sister takes over and has her put to the sword I would be happy to give her asylum, at least she would get a decent shag! 😂

  10. Kim The Wrong’un certainly lives up to his name.

    I used to live with a South Korean girl ‘Lena’ who’s real name was Eun Bo Shin and she had North Korean defectors as friends back in Seoul.

    Some of the stories that she told us were blood curdling, the Kim dynsasty makes Saddam Hussein look like a choir boy when in comes to fucking with your own people…

  11. White on white translucent black capes
    Back on the rack
    Kim Jong-un’s dead
    The bats have left the bell tower
    The victims have been bled
    Red velvet lines the black box
    Kim Jong-un’s dead
    Undead undead undead

    • He looks like Bela Lugosi
      If Bela had swollen like a infected knacker.

      • Leave half a ton of cheese outside his bedroom door – we’ll soon see if fattys dead! 😀

    • The virginal brides file past his tomb
      Strewn with times dead flowers bereft in deathly gloom
      Alone in a darkened room…the cunt!

  12. I have no problem with Kim, he’s in North Korea, when he causes me a problem I’ll take it up with him.

  13. There’s a thought experiment known as Schrödinger’s Fat Cunt which says he’s both alive and dead. Let’s open the box and find out.

  14. Kim’s recent absence is easily explained. He had flown in Diane Abbott to sit on his face, but sadly, as she made to get off him, she farted and collapsed and fell on top of him. Kim being a generous host and so well mannered had primed Diane with plenty of fried chiggun, so it took a day or two with a hosepipe and a bottle of Dettol to – well, clean things up.

    It was their mutual love of bee keeping that bought them together. Diane keeps bees herself and has four dozen now . Kim is an expert handler, so he carefully removed her 48 bees and they were soon flying round his head.

  15. Noticed Kim’s got a nice limp on his left leg when he walks
    Don’t think he will bother me if he ever comes up to Mansfield I will buy him a pint and we can swap war stories in the pub I’d also ask him if I could borrow his sister for a day or so she could join Mrs Bamboo and me for a 3 some

    • Hes obviously a bandit, quick to get upset, the fancy hairdos, nice suits,
      Ate to much dog not enough pussy when younger.
      Think that Chinese president she-male or whatever hes called is dry bumming him.

      • He conscripts pretty young women to be his concubines MNC.

        https://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/kim-jong-un-reinstates-pleasure-troupe-harem-of-young-women-10150879.html

        There’s no need to kill the cunt, he’s doing itself, he almost looks slim in 2015.

        Strange place NK, death penalty for folding a newspaper but you can have as much weed as you like and no ones going to bother you.

        NK is China’s badly behaved poodle, another gift from China.

      • The jammy bastard!
        Bloody hell he’s piled on the flab since then.
        His penchant for dodgy haircuts remains the same tho.

      • For folding a newspaper?
        Wow.
        Know if you use kims personal toilet room your looking at the same.
        Harsh but fair.
        Ladies man?!! Well never sae that, thought he was the type whos very close to his mother, light in his loafers etc.
        Koreas John Holmes!!😁

      • The newspaper may contain a photo of the supreme leader or party officials, folding a paper may crease the picture do be disrespectful.

        There’s a government list of approved haircuts 10 for women and 8 for men.

        He’s a hipster I think, hipsters are cunts.

      • My Mrs says I’m going to hell MNC
        Don’t think I will be on my own mate there will be loads of people I know 👍
        Someone said that bloke wasn’t Kim on the telly surly there cannot be two fat fuckers like him 👎
        I’d still like to piggyback Kim’s sister and my Mrs together 👍👍

  16. You have gone too far this time, thin lipped and ashen faced Mr Knee.
    You may avoid airports and anti aircraft guns but we will get you. B&W Cunt knows all abaaht your location and is partial to bribery.

    • Thank fuck for lockdown then CC; otherwise I’d be paranoid, looking out for slitty-eyed cunts carrying an umbrella in this lovely weather…

      • Beware short fat treacherous Men with dangerous ideas RK – could be Ian Blackford! 😀

      • Blackford; another fucking unpleasant bloater. The cunt’s like a broken record.

    • And named his Son Kim Lardassian. 😁
      Put that cheese down fatty! 🐷

      • The story’s going around in the meeja that the fat twat seen cutting the ribbon in that ultra-exiting media event, the opening od a fertiliser plant, was in fact one of unDead’s body doubles.
        Where would they find another fucker as fat as that in starving North Korea, unless they deprived others to feed the imposter up?

  18. This is a good example of non-news. The first item I read said something like “South Korea denies that Kim Jong Un has had a heart attack”. This was followed by a flurry of other items with no factual base. The US Secretary of State even said he did not know where Kim was, something that is almost impossible to believe. Then, guess what, the Great Leader turns up, nattily dressed and groomed as usual, and looking more like Ruth Davidson than ever. End of so-called news story. So much for today´s journalism.

    • It’s quite possible that some of these sightings are decoys where it’s actually a doppelgänger.
      It’s easily achieved by feeding details of his DNA into a sausage machine and assembling the resulting parts.

    • Maybe FatKim WAS in Scotty, perhaps having flown in on Ratbag-1, with Dame Emma.
      Have La Davidson and FatKim ever been seen together. Soup Erkins and FK for that matter.

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