I am nominating the automated till machines used by Poundland.
According to Wales Online, “Poundland shoppers left in hysterics as self-service checkout feature the voice of Elvis Presley.”
This is an instance of cunts creating cunt automatic till machines to cuntishly take the jobs of human cashiers, and save the cunts money. The staff then have to attend to the cunt machines constantly, since it does not have either the efficiency or self-awareness of a human being:
Then add a way to personalise the audio features of the tills for Christmas, Easter, Halloween et al, and even have dead music stars provide the commands:
I already felt like a cunt for going into Poundland to buy a Birthday present (what a cheapskate cunt) in the first place. Then I got to the till to be greeted by the voices of Halloween as I try to scan my goods (irony redacted) it’s worse and incessant. Not even proper Halloween noises, like chainsaw-on bone, kitchen knife in skull. Lightweight cunts. Of course the till fucks up, requiring its services of a shop-worker it no doubt replaced. She appears as embarrassed about the ridiculous till as I as about the searing rage visibly on my face.
I don’t want to be ‘entertained’ while at the till, I just wanna pay and go. But if it is to be entertaining, make the cunting thing fucking entertaining, you cunts.
Clearly, though, this gimmick is meant for a different demographic of shoppers (what a cunt), but I hardly expect anyone is daft enough to want to return to Poundland for the fucking till entertainment.
Anyway, make your own mind up:
https://www.walesonline.co.uk/whats-on/shopping/poundland-shoppers-left-hysterics-self-15134357
Nominated by Don’t you cunt me, young man
Absolutely horrible things only used by impatient or stupid people. They should make them all with David Lammy’s dreary whine.
“Have you purchased any bags, you anti-environmentalist? Do you have a loyalty card, you Tory scüm? Are you paying by cash or card, you racist bigot? Waaa! Thank you for shopping at Lammy’s.”
13
“What the fuck are you doing shopping here honkey? We don’t need any more white saviours. Thank you come again”.
11
Checkout: Evening sir, have you got a loyalty card?
Lammy: No, but I’ve got a Race card.
8
But pleeeease leave your money, white devil
3
Never heard of them. Il have to ask the wife what she thinks of them.
2
‘Taking the jobs of human cashiers in Poundland’
Human? Have you every actually looked at a Poundland checkout operator?
11
Side note. Nigel to lead brexit talks?
http://chng.it/MNDWrvCNdM
6
Yeah can’t stand those cunty things, I only use them if the cashier lines have big lineups and i only have a few items. The newer models are fairly easy to use but doing any kind of loose bulk produce with them is a fucking nightmare. Pre packaged fruits and veg are usually fine tho don’t have to punch any numbers in cause its barcoded
3
Refuse to use them in the supermarket and cant recall ever being tempted to enter Pound shops. I thought they were gone anyway?
3
Apologies for going off-piste.
JK Rowling is a cunt. All the wealth and fame in the World yet she still doesnt understand that there are only two genders. I suggest she fuck off back to one of her empty, refugee-free mansions and continue scribing children’s books, the cunt.
7
In this latest drama she is involved in, I have to say I’m on her side, as much as that pains me to say. As far as I can tell, J.K actually voiced her support for Maya Forstater who recently had an employment tribunal decide that she should lose her job because she tweeted her opinion that females cannot become biologically male.
As a result, the SJW mob have inevitably jumped onto attack Rowling as a transphobe. As big a cunt as she has been, it has to be said that she is in the right in this case.
13
Ah, then I’ve misread that. I thought she was suggesting that you can fluidly change gender with her ‘sex is real’ comment. Christ on a broomstick, is this the REAL JK Rowling? What happened to the one preaching about how we must hug-a-refugee and accept unlimited gimmigrants from Afrika whilst not housing one single råpist in her own mansions?
I await ‘Harry Potter and the Chamber of Common Sense’ with eager anticipation.
6
Grandpa Jeremy has banned it..
2
paraphrased as: Harry Potter (sitting) on the Chamber-pot of woke-sense
0
I have a cunting possibly in the pipeline for the judge at that trial, and if Rowling agrees with me, she’s fine on that score if no other.
3
I prefer the cunty things and get along fine with them, they are a simple scanner/ scale calculator.
1, put bag on scale.
2, scan items put in bag
3, select pay
4, select payment method
5, pay
wait until payment is confirmed
6,pick stuff up and fuck off
any deviations from these very simple steps will set off the alarm, if you have bought alcohol or some drugs approval will be required before step 4.
its quite simple, what fucks me off is the fact the tobacco kiosk sells lottery tickets and it takes forever to get my Backy.
5
I usually fail at step 1. My bag, no matter which one I am using, doesn’t conform to the narrow specifications programmed into the stupid fucking machine so I immediately need a member of staff to sort the cunt out.
4
Don’t put your bag ion the platform, and carry on regardless. The machine should ignore the zero weight and ask you if you used your own bag at the end. After all, plenty of cunts don’t use a bag at all for a portable item or two.
1
That defeats the point of having the bag to put on first. I like to put things straight into the bag, not to one side to bag later.
1
I am a lazy cunt, but I think I have met my match here!
2
I normally have more than easily fits on the part you put stuff you’ve scanned, it’s better to immediately bag it.
1
I usually end up in a similar state to that lady shopper in the heading picture. No matter how I finesse the process there is always something or other fricking not right in the bagging area. and it steams my fucking tits.
0
They should upgrade the fucking things with tits and maybe a quiz machine.
Top.prize no more than 20 quid to stop loitering.
Cunts.Robot Cunts.
5
Interesting tangent: These machines have been brought in to replace people because machines only need to be paid for once, and then maintained. But there is quite a confluence nest of cuntery around this. Firstly the people that decided to replace their staff with machines are cunts, the staff that have been replaced were probably replaced due to their collective cuntery. The machines themselves (as nominated) are cunty in the extreme, I hate the thank yous and whatnot, it’s a machine, the lawnmower doesn’t say have a nice day when you’ve finished with it. So why do these convenience machines have to be a proxy for some fucker in an ivory tower somewhere who is really only interested in his or her bottom line? And finally we the customers that use them are demonstrating a level of cuntishness by opting not to use a human to service our needs for numerous reason; maybe convenience, but equally because we don’t want to be interacting with people we feel are till jockey cunts.
Interesting paradox, we dehumanize the process of shopping but equally dislike the replacement for the humans. What a bunch of cunts we are. I’m sure there is something profound going on, but I got blathered last night at a Christma party (covering at least two of this weeks other notable cuntings), and can’t get any deeper than this. And by the time I’ve reconnected with my philosophical self this most recent cunting will be a distant memory.
8
Now a massive cunt is click and collect.
https://youtu.be/XFIGqSuU-vM
the film is a positive one, but my experience is more game show than shopping,
After typing in your magic number a little light goes on next to the door you should open, its not that bright and in full sun you are better off going for door number rather than lights.
Said door is spring loaded so on opening it, it wants to swing shut which will involve you having to re select that door on the consul I think.
once that cabinet is empty and the door closed your next random door illuminates and the same old shit.
My tip is, get a shopping trolley and unload from locker to trolley it will make your life a lot easier.
1
The problem with self service machines is that they don’t give instructions in Romanian ,Albanian,Somalian etc it’s obviously confusing the cunts and because of the trauma it creates in their usually virtuous minds it’s making them take items without payment. Poor bastards.
5
In my experience, those mentioned above usually attempt to leave any shop without going anywhere near a checkout, manned or otherwise.
6
These machines are an utter pain in the rear, only to be used if time dictates. My local now has very few manned tills open but I will face the increasing queues as, call me old fashioned, I expect some service when I go into a shop. If the supermarkets want us to be their cashiers, they should discount our goods accordingly.
4
I find that almost invariably, using one of these things for a largish shop results in it not accepting somethingor other and an attendant has to come anyway. I’m nearly always buying something alcoholic, so that has to be released by an assistant too.
Generally ok tho if you just want one or two items.
1
Service in a shop or restaurant is for foreign countries. It doesn’t exist here.
1
My copy of the Spectator Christmas edition* offended the Corbynite till machine in the Co-Op yesterday: “Item Cannot Be Sold”, was the message. Had to queue with the plebs after all.
I will always use the machine if I see an old lady or a laden chav ahead of me in the queue, otherwise prefer the friendly and efficient staff.
*Probably worth it but be prepared for the American Express Supercallifragilistic Platinum Card offer (annual fee £454) and other upper income foolery.
1
Can’t agree with this nom, sorry.
Anything that helps avoid interaction with a human being, gets a thumbs up from me!
4
I’m grateful the ones in my town are mute. Bad enough dealing with those pieces of shit- I don’t want to have to HEAR it as well.
1
Try and find one of the scrawny, spotty little assistance cunts when the screen tells you you need help, or the usual heifer who has to haul her fat arse from 8 aisles away to come and flash her ID to get things sorted. What gets me is they all look as if to say you are a cunt and are putting them right out. Made the mistake of using one last Sunday and by the time I was ready to go I had reached boiling point. Mrs K wasn’t too pleased with me. Give me a human till operator any time, these tills should be for ten items or less. You think it’s a good idea when you start because no one is using it, by the time you’ve finished you know why no cunt was using the fucking thing.
5
I have, on a number of occasions, got fed up, taken my stuff and gone to a manned (personned?) checkout.
2
My Tesco’s self service till’s work well including the human on duty sentry, it’s the tools who use them who spoil it with rejected card payments or trying to blindside the scanner/scales by fiddling things through , including only last week one cunt having scanned a sackful found out he had left his card in the car and had to rush out to retrieve it leaving the till unavailable for further use.
It is other shoppers who wind me up the most
2
Good cunting.
No point me ever going near the useless fucking things. I always need fags and booze so ultimately need the input and attention of a staff member. If he or she is then busy sorting out some unemployed cunt’s pre-paid electricity card and scratch cards then I’m fucked for 10 minutes while i wait for “authorisation”. They should fuck off all these machines and employ more fit young birds to just do the job!
Win win solution.
1
Don’t use ’em, support local employment!
I pumped a lovely lady serving me at a Tesco Express joint down my way (ahem) about the self service machines and she said that Tesco laid off two members of staff once they were installed. Naturally I thanked her as she scanned my cucumber and I complemented her on the ripeness of the melons.
You can’t get that sort of ineraction with a touch screen terminal!
Must be a right cunt to be laid off and replaced by a copy of microsoft Windows though.
2