Norovirus (2)

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6th Nov.2019, 03.40.
Ah bliss. I’m snuggled up next to the wife, in la la land. The phone rings.
Oh shit. Who phones at this time if it isn’t something you don’t want to hear?

‘Help, Dad!’ says my daughter. ‘I’ve got two children doing projectile vomiting here!’.
Our daughter’s on her own, our son-in-law being away at a conference. We get out of the house and down to my daughter’s as fast as we can, to find that our dear granddaughters are indeed indulging in some Olympic standard puking. ‘It’s that bastard Norovirus’ says our daughter. ‘It’s going around the school like wildfire’.

So we spend the next several hours doing our best to help our dear grandchildren through the worst, hoping like fuck that we don’t get it ourselves. To add insult to injury, it’s the little un’s fifth birthday, which she’s spent either boaking into a bowl or lying in an exhausted sleep on the settee. The notion that the wee soul might enjoy her day has obviously spoiled some Vast Eternal Plan.

Thankfully by the time we left, the kids were feeling better, happy with the promise of a bonus day off school tomorrow. The wife and I are going to grab a bite and get some much needed kip, fingers crossed that we can give this bug the swerve, because it’s a very nasty little cunt indeed.

Nominated by Ron Knee

51 thoughts on “Norovirus (2)”

  1. I’ve given up caring about having the shits. Far as I am concerned, the people that get struck down by these things are fucking pussy’s.

  3. Sympathies Ron, my old man has recently had it. Started innocently enough but then went for what he thought was a safe fart, gambled and lost and downhill from there.

    • Morning LL!
      Good nom as always Ron👍
      Loads of people get ill/pick up virus this time of year,
      Kids are proper little sicknotes, mingling are school/nursery with other kids and infecting each other,
      My little neices and my sister an her husband have all had this unpleasant one.
      I stayed well away!
      Glad my kids are now adults in some respects.
      Nothing worse than a tiny tot poorly.
      A speedy recovery to all.

      • Morning Miserable, glad I only use public transport once a week but sods law some wheezing, spluttering cunt will pass something nasty on. No surprise the London Bridge peaceful was out on license for terrorism offences but glad of course he was shot. So what if his suicide device was a fake? Nobody knew that, I don’t care if it was a cereal box wrapped in tinfoil with ‘BANG’ written on it.

      • Agreed, still could of been a real explosive devise!
        Think there was another attack in Europe somewhere as well?
        To be honest got in from work saw news, but then got sidetracked so not to up on it, they always like doing this sick shite near christmas for maximum effect.

      • Yeah in Holland, The Hague MNC (I have to stop myself typing MCN for Motorcycle News!) Very little coverage though

      • As far as I’m concerned we should shoot any brown fucker at the first sign of any wiring, and I included headphone cables in that. Anybody with a beard, of whatever colour, wearing wireless earbuds is up to no good and should have each of the fuckers removed by means of a twat on the opposite side of the head with a lump hammer.

    • Morning all.
      Yeah it was a real pain for us, because (a) the virus struck in the middle of the night and (b) it hit the little uns. Fucking thing wrecked the nipper’s fifth birthday. Bastard bugs.

  5. If children had more to occupy their minds and bodies…a chimney-cleaning or down-the-pit job perhaps,they would be less liable to succumb to illnesses that didn’t exist when I was a child.

    Spare the rod, spoil the child.

    Good Morning All.

  6. Turns out the Cunt on the bridge was a convicted peaceful who was out on licence. He was tagged. That did a lot of fucking good, didn’t it ?
    I have nominated our legal system for a Cunting, as it is fucking useless and putting us all at risk.

  8. I’ve caught D&V because of a couple of dull cunts who called 999 because they’d had the squirts for a couple of hours. So did my crewmate. I swear we should have a Glock in the drugs safe in the truck to administer some 9mm pain relief.

    You have my sympathy, Ron. Unless you call 999 if you get it😉

    • Morning GC. We got lucky. My daughter, her husband and the kids were all sick as parrots with it, but the missus and me dodged the bullet. The Glock sounds like a great idea for cunts who misuse the service!

  9. Great nom and even better illustration from Admin – it could’ve been an intimate photograph of me 2 weeks ago, arched up over the bog, steering the porcelain bus, when due to a particularly harsh retch, both ends let go simultaneously. Pebble-dashed the pan and crop-sprayed the carpet behind in one motion.

    • Very graphic Seymour! You certainly have a way with words.
      Mr Fiddler could certainly make use of your party trick by hitching you up to his tractor for muck spreading on his fields.
      😊

    • Cheers both. Bizarre thing is, I got the fucking bug whilst up in Fiddler’s neck of the woods, working on a bloody kids indoor play area.
      Good news is, my soil pipe has returned to some semblance of solidity and the landing carpet has been meticulously de-clinkered, with the aid of a Home Bargains toothbrush and some anti-spatter spray.

  10. For a moment I thought the figure on all 4s in the header pic was Owen Jones on a Friday night after being “fiddled” by a couple of far-right, neo-nazi, white-van-man, skinhead Brexiteers! (Or in reality a couple of his favourite bum chums)

  11. Hope all is well with you and your family, Ron!

    However, if you’re still not feeling too clever and you think you’re about to kick the bucket given that you’re a right old cunt, any chance you could bequeath all your money and other ill-gotten gains to us poor ISAC cunts?

    Cheers!

    (Oh and hurry up and snuff it, it’s be Christmas soon and I haven’t even started buying prezzies yet)

    • Luckily the missus and I dodged the bullet Techo. However IsAC regulars will be pleased to learn that I’ve left this glorious site a tenner in my will to get a round of lemonades in when I pop my clogs.

  12. My missus never tells me what she wants for Christmas, just gives a few pointers.

    This year she has mentioned she’d like something silk, so I’ve got her half a gallon of white emulsion….

  13. My sympathies too, Ron. I had the bastard Norovirus early last year. I started off as a rapid-fire puke-fest in the early hours, followed by a seemingly impossible high-pressure pebbledashing of the bog.

    It is also known as being given an OBE (Open Both Ends, services to rapid body fluid expulsion scientific research).

  14. Sorry not on topic everyone, but I’ve just been on the Grauniad website purely to check if there were any comments from the soys defending our Moose limb London friend yet and I’ve just seen pictorial evidence of why this country is fucked.

    There is a news link to the latest detail of the attack on the main page; directly underneath is an article about the Red Cross criticising the UK for its policy on stripping Syrian IS terrorists of their UK citizenship as it’s not helping to “foster peace”. With a picture of Shamima Begum. And obviously the article is biased towards the poor Syrians.

    I give up.

    • No big surprise from those cunts!

      Even if 100 innocent people were murdered by a radical ISIS nutjob, the Cuntiad will try and dilute the story in such a way as to make it the fault of the 100 people for making him slightly unhinged – ergo, not his fault at all!

      No doubt their editorials and opinion writers will soon be pushing this particular incident under the carpet (as it might drum up support for Boris come election time); and focus on what you see now – the Red Cross saying the UK is a disgrace etc.

      I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but there are times when I wish ISIS would target the Guardian HQ building- a dreadful thought of course, but they really are a bunch of deluded blame-shifting cunts that don’t live in the real fucking world!

    • Nothing would please me more than to see that cunting rag go out of business. Copies of it should be cut into quarters and hung on a nail in every shithouse from here to Timbuktu (although personally I wouldn’t wipe my arse on it).

  15. I had norovirus once when I was in year 8. It is indeed a gigantic cunt.

  17. Last but one time I had a curry I got a dose of the shits that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Fucking hell, my arsehole felt as if it had been sandblasted, and I spent the next couple of days mincing about like Elton John’s houseboy. Horrendous.

      • I just read your post on ‘The Boxing Day Log’ from last year Ron, under the random cunts. Swings and roundabouts, rough with the very smooth.

    • What’s the treatment for Nora virus?
      Afternoon Spoony. You know what they say about prevention being better than cure? My advice is just keep away from Bloody Nora!
      😀

  19. Another good nom Ron.
    I look forward to reading the next one in your continuing health series when the flu season swings into full gear in January!
    😀

    • ‘And coming up now on ISAC, The Health Corner with Ronald Knee…’

    • These things start to concern you when you get to my age lads (I was 70 last Wednesday). The one I’m really dreading having to do is on erectile dysfunction. I’ve told the missus that if that sad day ever arrives, to put me on a plane to Switzerland, one way, cause I reckon I’ll be fucking done.

      • I can’t imagine you Ron having any problems with ED. A few viagra should stiffen your resolve.

  20. Perfect time to hit the supermarket Ron, get them into a trolley and whizz them around the aisles chundering and shitting as they go. That will right annoy some cunts.

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