Remade Christmas songs

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Apart from the Dioclese Christmas song of course!

I’d like to nominate remade Christmas songs in wake of the wankfest this year.

This came to mind after seen that smug cunt Alexander Armstrong’s album because every single bastard you get those fucking albums from cunt celebrities like Armstrong or that twat Buble making Christmas albums of songs that aren’t even theirs. Any cunt can sing those shite songs in a low pitched voice yet because these cunts are celebrities they can to use it as a money making scheme to fill their pocket lining.

Genuinely hope any cunt like them get flattened by a Christmas tree for them exploiting the stupidity of those buying them and for their parasitic acts, the cunts.

Nominated by Lord Cuntington

With regard Christmas song remakes, nothing takes the shit-biscuit more savagely than bogtrotter extraordinaire Sir Cunt Geldof remixing the Band Aid abomination for another airing every ten fucking years. According to Wikipedia there have been FOUR versions now (and I only thought we were on cuntfest backslapping version three).

I mean, Geldof must have afforded his mansions solely from royalties from The Boomtown Shitrats back catalogue, right guye?

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back

How about the Chas C version of “Bland Aid 31” – track 6 here?

It’s even got Goboff in the video! YouTube banned it. Humorless cunts…

Shamelessly plugged by Dioclese

80 thoughts on “Remade Christmas songs”

  1. I’ve just listened to Bland Aid 31, fucking hilarious, I didn’t realise Dioclese was African!
    Anyway as it’s Xmas time I’ve been thinking about what I would most wish for and it’s not a lot really, a gun with 1 bullet immunity from prosecution and hopefully a Knighthood and the choice of Bono or Geldof and I say only one bullet because I think I deserve a bit of torture too.
    Arise Sir CuntyMcCuntface you are being Knighted by Her Majesty for saving mankind from turning into a set of wet self serving cunts

    • Get them next to each other and hopefully it would go right through both skulls….bang and the dirt is gone!

    • Not me. I only did the vid. Chas is the clever dick musical fucker.
      He did a fair Knoffler accent too on Dire Christmas.
      And the slow bits of this years offering are a bit Poguish. I do admire a bloke that can work ‘Cadburys Cream Eggs’ into a song about Christmas!

      Fucking smart arse cunt was broken hearted when Bland Aid didn’t make the charts.

      Incidentally what about those talentless squawking cunts the just won X Factor? Out of 65 million people this represents our finest star quality??? We’re truly fucked…

  2. Why stop at Christmas songs? The whole Christmas thing is a crock of Victorian shit, fuck all to do with Christianity, if that floats your spiritual boat, and most of what is bought, in addition to being made in China, is thrown away by the following week. Ban the bloody lot, and if you have to sell tacky crap on a special day every year, ffs don’t leech on a once-worthy religion to do so. Christmas is a cunt in its entirety.

    • Since when has Christmas had anything to do with Christianity? Cunt wasn’t even born on Christmas Day according to historical research.

      What a steaming pile of cuntage the whole thing is.

  3. I like Xmas songs, when Kevin Bloody Wilson does them.

    I hate all things Xmas really, but then I hate most things.
    Baaaaaaaaaaah (c) (humbug) cunters.
    (c) Jane-arse

  4. Children roasting on an open fire,
    After grooming them at home.

    The mini cab’s fuelled,
    And an IED or twoooooo!

    Alluah Akbar, infidel!

    Sponsored by the Manchester “Hug a Peaceful” metropolitan police choir.

  5. Stop the cavalry, now that was a Christmas song!

    Slebs like Armstrong and Walsh are cunts, tone deaf cunts.

    Boe and Ball? CUNTS

    • As “crusaders” was frowned upon on ABBC’s Craprentice, I think cavalry will be on the list of words to be banned as a word associated with war & fighting.

      Even though the peacefuls have never had a cavalry or performed in a military / armed forces fashion as we know of.

      Cunts are too scared to wear a uniform that identifies them from the common civilians.

      Shitebags basically.

    • As Chas says at the end of ‘That fucking Christmas Music’ Jonah Louie made the fucking worst song of the lot. I agree with him too. I fucking hate that song..!!!

    • Yes, Stop the Cavalry; one of my favourites. Others being Hark! The herald angels sing, and O come, all ye faithful.

      Just for Christmas, Frank Sinatra can take his White Christmas and shove it up his white-chocolate starfish.

      Off topic, caught the last half-hour of The Dambusters on the box.
      If only I could have found the keys to my trusty Lancaster, I’d have been flying under the radar towards Brussels, to drop some VHE on Berlaymont.
      Despicable bunker of cuntitude.

      • That’s right, the cunts changed it to digger didn’t they.

        Why they have to keep going back trying to rewrite history I will never know. If its happened and been done, nothing can undo or change the fact its happened. It just looks stupid.

        It won’t be long until Joseph or Mary are portrayed as having been black and there’s a half cast in the crib in the Travelodge with Lenny Henry working reception.

        Even though the ones who want to rewrite history don’t believe that particular story, they just want to cause trouble and unrest for those who do have that belief.

        Just imagining the Lammy & Co giving it “this totally changes everything in Bethlehem, sending out a powerful message”

        Speaking of powerful messages, I couldn’t help but see the amount of anti-trump shit spewing from his twitter account and it sounds to me he is inciting and organising violence?

        “Sunday Times reporting Trump ‘flying visit’ has been pencilled in for 26-27 February. Save the date, he’s going to be met by the biggest protest this country has ever seen”

        Who’s organising this protest then?

      • Sinatra? Wasn’t it Bing Crosby?

        What about Chas’ “Shite Christmas”? Much better…

        OK I’m shamelessly plugging me own Christmas songs – but I don’t care…

      • Apologies…Looks as if the original album (of the Irving Berlin song) was indeed Crosby, although I still don’t know which version gets done to death from mid-October every bloody year !!

        Some daft bint received an invitation to dine at All Souls’
        College, Oxford, and was seated next to the philosopher Isaiah Berlin.
        Throughout the knees-up, she was convinced he was Irving Berlin…
        The Dambusters was the 1955 one with, I’m sure, refs to Nigger.

  6. Off-topic slightly, but how do people feel about maybe adding Tony Blair to the COTY 2017 nominees in view of the fact that he stated in a radio interview today that he is now actively working behind the scenes to reverse Brexit and secure a second referendum?

    I know we have quite a few cunts to vote for already, but to me Blair’s intervention seems to overshadow the likes of Sturgeon, Abbott and McDonnell whose cuntery now seems fairly benign by comparison…

    Thoughts?

    • I agree with that cunt being added to COTY….. except the problem is that Blair transcends all cuntishness in existence, when it comes to being a cunt, Tony Blair is truly in a league of his own, forget COTY, he is COTD or COTC.

      Sturgeon, Jabbott and McPalpatine are unmitigated cunts but even they are light weight compared to Blair.

      So…. yeah, add the cunt in.

      • As you rightly point out, he transcends all cuntishness. Could anyone outcunt him ever? Doubtful.

        COTD or COTC only, imo…

      • He’d get a top 20 place in COAE (Cunt Of All Eternity) too if you aske me…..

      • Of course it included you Birdman!

        On another note, I hope my nomination gets posted…… I don’t think ISAC has ever cunted a pro wrestler before….

    • I think it’s fair to say B. Liar could win COTY year every year Fred without that interview, however and I say this through gritted teeth and whilst stabbing myself with a screwdriver, to be fair to B.Liar (dam I said it) it’s probably the first time in the cunt’s life that he’s on record telling the truth. But he’s a cunt of Bono/Geldof proportion

      • True very true but perhaps they could be if the category of ‘Utterly Contemptuous EU Whore Cunt’ was introduced……actually scrub that we’d never be able to settle on a winner and I reckon I’ve only got another 40 Christmas’ in me max….

    • Some of my neighbours have agreed that when the cunt Blair dies we’re having a street party.

      I hope it makes the press at the time…

    • His only thought is about himself.

      This treasonous cunt is watching his future ‘president of Europe’ position disappearing into the distance along with the chance for him, all his foul offspring and odious wife milking the EU gravy train for time immemorial.

      That is all this lying, deceitful, immoral, war mongering, blood stained handed turd that refuses to flush away believes in.

      He is, hands down, the biggest cunt the UK has ever produced.

      My hated for this creature knows no bounds, just looking at his grotesque features is enough to make me vomit.

      The world would be a better place if human vermin like blair never existed.

      George Washington knew when it was time to stop being president and retired to his estate, oh no, not blair, the human filth just stubbornly keeps on reappearing to everyone’s disgust.

      Fucking disgusting cunt.

      • Blair is a nugget – no matter how many times you flush, the cunt just won’t go away!

      • One other slight difference between George Washington and Blair – George Washington did not destroy his own country.

      • Spoof or otherwise, it has to be miles closer to the truth than anything Bliar & Campbellend have ever uttered in public.

    • And not wishing to add the hassle of further requests, but how in the name of cunt is Gina Miller not in the running for any category?

      • Because the rancid bitch hasn’t clocked up enough cuntings, who had even heard of her this time 2 years ago?

        Pity she wasn’t in Jonestown in Nov ’78……

      • Unfortunately it seems to be based on quantity of times cunted rather than the quality of the cunts on offer. If everyone nominated say 3 cunts each, similar to Dead Pool, would not a first past the post system iron out these anomalies?

      • Just bear in mind that the cunts that are on the wall are all cunts of the worst kind……. it’s saying something when Murray is the least cuntish of that lot.

      • Agree – it’s supposed to be who the biggest cunt is in 2017, so I don’t think it should be based on how many times mods put a nom forward on a particular individual/category. I think it would be more reflective if everyone had to nominate their own COTY in all categories; but I guess more work is involved tallying and rules out anon votes.

        One enormous, symbolic act of cuntitude (Miller) surely beats several acts of moderate cuntishness (Owen Jones)?

        Loathe to harp on but I have been on tenterhooks for COTY; just feels a tad anticlimatic.

      • Yes, anticlimactic indeed – no Gina Minger, Chucka Umoaner, Lammy, etc. Maybe if there’d been 10 in each category it wouldn’t have been such an issue.

      • I must say that Lammy is one of the most undercounted cunts going….. seriously, that fucker is one offensive, racist piece of shit!

      • Don’t forget MP Tulip Saddiq, niece of the Prime Minister of Bangladesh.

        Now surely that shouldn’t be allowed anyway?

        Its like having an official bloody spy.

        Hope they are watching her phone, computer, emails & shit.

      • I think if the moderaters are up for it we could award Tony Blair with a Lifetime achievement award for being a cunt.
        I mean he is tge cunt trying to interfere in Brexit after his past.
        Every now and then a cunt distinguishes themselves from the pile if cunt they’re part of and shines through as a true cunt. Blair is a worthy first time winner of the Is a cunt lifetime achievement award in being a cunt.

      • When I did it, I just asked for names to be submitted. Practically no response. Maybe a couple of dozen each with a different name so ended up with a 24 way tie. Just didn’t work so personally I reckon this way is better than my way.

        Maybe in 2018 they could ask for names then put the top five in the poll? Mind you when you get 15 names with 2 votes each then there’s still a problem.

        Guess you can’t please all of the people all of the time…?

  7. The charity series A Very Special Christmas is actually ok. At least no cunts is cashing in and there are some good remakes. And of course, a man above cunting, Sir Noel Gallagher did Merry Xmas Everybody and that was good, even if he is a touch embarrassed about it.

      • I loved watching 2D TV back when it was screened, always has a laugh from it.

        Corbyn apocalypse huh? Yeah, shows what a shit job May has done that this could actually become a reality. God, she really is COTY for that alone!

  9. Remake christmas songs but with a techno beat, I want a cyberpunk/techno version of do they know its christmas? but remove all the cunt celebrity vocals Make it happen jesus and santa I been a good boy this year

      • I just haven’t heard that much techno christmas music before, I think it has potential to be a legit genre and I always enjoyed the bell drumming in “do you know its cuntsmas” by phil collins

  10. I don’t care much about christmas songs. Paul McCuntney and his fucking frogs chorus and that shiteload of papshit “We all stand together”

    The whole fucking lot should “all stand together ” against a wall and be shot with nine kinds of shite .

    Fucking moronic shitheads. Cunts….fuck them.

    • That’s it, I’ve worked out where they got the shit from, arm in arm, shoulder to shoulder, win or lose, sink or swim, one thing is certain we never shall win, we will never bow to terrorism, we all stand together. Bum Bum!

  11. Miserable Christmas songs or pisstakes are enjoyable – as mentioned, ‘Stop the Cavalry’ is good, but my fave is The Kinks’ ‘Father Christmas’. Sample lyrics:

    But the last time I played Father Christmas
    I stood outside a department store
    A gang of kids came over and mugged me
    And knocked my reindeer to the floor

    Encapsulates Christmas for me.

    • Kinks were pretty good they were at least consistent in decent material I still have my dads old vinyl copy of Arthur (Or the Decline and Fall of the British Empire) covers worn tho so probably fucks it value off

  12. Today I have cast my votes for COTY.

    For me the biggest cunt of the year is the current “Prime” (in the loosest sense) Minister Theresa May.

    She calls a general election with a huge and I mean HUGE majority in the polls and manages to fuck it up beyond all belief.

    The Brexit mandate was assured, as was a resounding majority in the commons to pass any fucking law she felt like and STILL managed to fuck it all up so that the day after the election we’re having to pander to a set of awkward cunts (at the best of times) in Nor’n Eye-land and – even fucking worse – having to tolerate the ABBC’S very own KUNTSBERG being very KUNTSBERG as said (shamed) PM leaves #10 to visit her Maj with KUNTSBERG in a mirth of clitoral organs screaming: “Is this STRONG AND STABLE Prime Minister! Is THIS your BREXIT MANDATE Prime Minister!” – like Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally. That alone is fucking unforgivable!

    But then we have the Brexit “negotiations”, where “negotiation” is code for getting arse raped by a nest of cunts who need us far more than we need them! Not one mention of “trade deficit” anywhere only “well, if I do drop my pants will you at least use lubricant?”

    The obvious remainers who scuppered May’s election run with the Dementia Tax ought to be hung drawn and quartered and their heads put on pikes outside of the Tower of London!

    (YES KUNTSBERG IT WAS THE DEMENTIA TAX THAT FUCKED MAY NOT FOLK NOT WANTING BREXIT YOU FUCKING ABBC CUNT)

    May in her ineffectual leadership, piss poor election campaign (all she had to do was say “Strong and Stable” and fuck all else for 2 months for a resounding victory), and the cowardice in dealing with the EU, she is by far COTY by a cuntry mile!

    I wouldn’t care, the thing that pisses me off the most is that on the day of winning in the Brexit result and coward Cameron fucking off, I sat there thinking: “Great but fuck me we can’t have BoJo or Pob in power for fuck’s sake. What about May? Yeah May. A good strong woman in power again with a set of steel balls like Maggie! Hah! Fuck you EU, you’ve got no fucking chance!”

    How wrong was I. Ashamedly so. That galls me because we could be running circles around those cunts in the EU, instead we’re like one of those beaten donkeys on the TV adverts just waiting for some EU cunt to throw us a carrot in exchange for our sovereignty (yet again).

    Theresa May, you are a cunt. I’d draw the line at saying you’re as big a cunt as the cunt of the century Tony B. Liar, but you’re a fucking close second! You cunt!

    • For good measure, she even threw Fox Hunting into the manifesto, just in case animal lovers felt left out…

    • Have yourself a Halal little Christmas,
      Set those bombs alight.

      From now on 72 virgins are in sight!

      So have yourself a Halal little Christmas cheer!”

      How’s that?

      • God curse those peaceful gentleman, and fuck them all I say…
        Now armed guards and crash bollards are always in the way…
        May we send them up Satan’s arse and blow the cunts away…
        Great tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy…
        Great tidings of comfort and joy…

    • Fucking thick bitch.

      I’ll do an effective surgical procedure on her…wet towel shoved into gob, syringeful of carbolic right into cardiac muscle.

    • Fuck me! The one on the right looks dreadful! I hope Angelina on the left never falls as far as that!

      Besides, if the cunt wanted to *really* be like Angelina, all she had to do was marry 3 piss-head husbands and adopt a xylophone of multi-coloured kids!

    • When you consider she is 19, what surgeon did this shit?, he/ she should be locked up.

      She’s really convinced she will lead Jolie’s life too with eyes set on old Brad.

  15. Just to add on topic, where is our one month wonder?

    I’m talking about Katherine Jenkins, the one who rears her head on Dec 01, takes coin for a month then fucks off back to who knows where.

    Or is our pointless friend Zander filling the void?

    Maybe the thought of ToysrUs closing some stores has her locked in depression this year?

    • Is KJ a sort of musical Charlotte Church ??

      I must integrate more…extra-thick rubbers at the ready !

  16. Well at least Paul Gadd’s Rock and Roll Christmas is no longer ‘enjoyed’ on the airwaves.

    I bet the stinky-fingered cunt earned oodles of cash annually when this shite shuffled out of its 80s coffin and onto the airwaves. No longer will this see him OK in chokey for baccy and Cambodian kid porn; the cunt will deservedly have it bleak in there until they cart his sorry corpse away from there in a chipboard box.

    Kiddy fiddling, slap headed, pointy-bearded cunt.

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