Yesterday, Good Friday, was the opening of Grantham Garden Centre and I was chatting to a customer who had gone and had a look.

“Oh it was heaving, loads better than the old place and they had that celebrity Adam Frost there too cutting the ribbon and answering questions”

I had never heard of Adam Frost. Celebrity bloody gardeners! I’d have him crying in the van by ten o’clock tea and biscuits. Turns out he is some arsehole off Gardener’s World. Not even a Titchmarsh or Ron Knee’s love rival, Monty Don. Celebrity cunts really will turn up for the opening of an envelope. Usually some ex-soap ‘star’ or 90’s kids TV presenter that hasn’t been seen for twenty fucking years,who most people thought was either dead or been hovered up in Operation Yewtree. Not famous enough for ‘I’m a Celebrity….but enough pulling power to draw a crowd of saddos.

Never anyone interesting or unpredictable though? Huw Edwards opening a youth club in Llanddewi Brefi or Harvey Price opening anything anywhere. No scissors though!

Needless to say myself or Jack the Cunter were not even considered.

Nominated by Liberal Liquidator.