There are times when I just want to completely chill out.
I don’t want to have to concentrate or even think. I want to relax.
For those times I find that watching the snooker is ideal.
Relaxing but not too boring.
Each frame is different.
Mrs Cunter tuned into the darts tournament last night.
What a fucking load of shit!
It starts with an announcer, introducing 2 fat bastards as if they are going to be competing for a world boxing title.
“FROM LAANDAAN AND BEING BROADCAST LIVE THROUGHOUT THE WOOOOOOOOOLDDDD!!!”
“THE MIGHTY JOOOOOOW BLOOOOOOOOOOGS!!”
Then some obese, four eyed cunt appears for his walk on.
Music playing at full blast and dopey, pissed spectators holding up bizarre messages on bits of card.
The fat cunt will stop just before going up the steps to the stage to hug his family and kiss his equally obese wife.
Anyone would think that he was a fat gladiator, about to face a life or death contest in the ring.
Once he hauls his sweaty carcass up the stairs to the stage there are confused dancing girls, trying to make a routine out of the bad choice of music.
Repeat again for his opponent.
Every fucking game is exactly the same.
Score 501 and end with a double before the other fat cunt does.
There is very little skill involved in my opinion.
If anyone were to practice doing the same repetitive movement for 8 hours a day, every day, then they would be very good at it within a few short months.
Then there is the absolute arrogance when a player throws a good score.
The fist pumping and expression to the cameras.
It’s just a pub game you cunts. You have thrown a dart at a target, not floored Mohamed Ali in his prime.
Don’t get me started about the spectators in their fancy dress, singing stupid songs.
They deserve their own, separate cunting.
Unwatchable tripe.
Sly Sports. (Link provided by Night Admin – NA)
Nominated by : The Artful Cunter
I wouldn’t bend over to pick the soap up if I was in the same shower as a darts player.
8
I hope you’ve plenty of soap-on-a-rope just incase.
4
You couldn’t fit in the fat cunts
0
If it wasn`t for darts, we wouldn`t have had the late great Sid Waddell’s legendary Shakespearean literary commentary …
“He’s as happy as a hound-dog who’s won a year’s supply of Boneo.”
“Big Cliff Lazarenko’s idea of exercise is sitting in a room with the windows open taking the lid off something cool and fizzy”.
“If we’d had Phil Taylor at Hastings against the Normans, they’d have gone home.”
“When Alexander of Macedonia was 33, he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer … [Eric] Bristow’s only 27.”
“Look at the man go: it’s like trying to stop a water buffalo with a peashooter.”
“He looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave.”
“Bob came on like the Laughing Cavalier … now he looks like Lee Van Cleef on a bad night.”
“It’s the nearest thing to public execution this side of Saudi Arabia.”
“He’s perspiring like a pudding in a pot.”
“His eyes are bulging like the belly of a hungry chaffinch.”
“His face is sagging with tension.”
“The atmosphere is so tense, if Elvis walked in with a portion of chips, you could hear the vinegar sizzle on them.”
“There was less noise when Pompeii was swamped in lava! Absolute pandemonium here! Barmaids are frozen like Greek statues watching! No beer’s been served! Everybody’s eyes [are] absolutely hooked on that board.”
“There hasn’t been this much excitement since the Romans fed the Christians to the Lions.”
Magic darts.
Amen.
🎯
PS, I agree with the nom – darts is fucking crap.
16
Utter shit, indeed. I much preferred darts and when there were fags and beer included. Leighton Rees, the Crafty Cockney and Jocky (toothless, obese and pissed as a tree) Wilson bumping bellies as they lit up their Rothmans on the oche; Big Bill Werebeniuk downing nine pints before the fist frame (for medicinal reasons, obvs), Alex ‘Hurricane piss head’ Higgins, Kirk Stevens and Jimmy White snorting coke at the break, allegedly. Brilliant televisual entertainment. Totally ruined by woke shite. And what about ‘Steady’ Eddie Charlton, he was a spectacularly boring cunt.
Good afternoon, everyone.
10
‘snooker’ after ‘and’ ffs!
4
Indeed, 20.
`Big Bill` Werbeniuk – used to get his lager on prescription.
& Cliff `The Grinder` Thorburn – what marvellous cue action and ball thwacking.
🎱
6
well, I fucking love the darts. sorry op.
7
I can’t go along with this cunting as I absolutely LOVE watching the darts🎯 ❤️
12
Afternoon Jill.
Over Christmas, I went into my local pub and a few of my mates were in there playing darts. I didn’t fancy a game so I did a 180 and left.
12
Can’t agree with this nom, sorry! Love a bit of darts!
This is also rather refreshing to see
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RIwwDPPvP-k&pp=ygUTc3Rhcm1lciBkYXJ0cyBjaGFudA%3D%3D
7
I’m afraid I can’t go along with the assessment that there’s no skill in the game – it is fucking hard, and attests to a finely honed hand to eye coordination ability that most of us could never hope to possess.
I’m a pretty decent golfer with efficient hand to eye that allows me to maintain a single figure handicap, but when I bought a dart board a couple of years back and tried getting any good at it I realised it was a very different experience to golf – with the finest margin of error that requires first finding the correct throwing method and then being able to robotically repeat it – and I could only get to a certain level and would need to practice for fucking hours every day to get close to pub-league proficiency.
Whether or not you like the game, I don’t think you could imply that just anyone could do it – but I still admire artful and his contributions that consistently find the bullseye!
10
What are these two cunts drinking, or should I say eating and all the silly cunts behind acting the goat. If they do take an interest in chucking arrows it would be better watched at home, due to the distance the stupid cunts are away. I used to watch the black ones in the jungle throwing arrows at each other, which I find more entertaining. Now they’ve come over here causing trouble. I like worming my way round in a convoluted way of having ago at the ongoing nuisances.
5
Darts is a ridiculously difficult game to master.
I’ve played casually on and off since I was a child and I am still fucking rubbish at it.
It may look easy on the idiot lantern but it isn’t in reality.
Snooker and Pool on the other hand, I’m quite a dab hand at with a bit of practice. Although I’m certainly no threat to the pro ranks.
Maybe it’s just one of those things where using a cue and potting balls comes easier to me than chucking arrows at a board from 7 feet or whatever the distance is (I can’t remember) where the next person might well be the opposite.
Regarding darts coverage but more so the crowds however, it is sad to see what a complete fucking circus it has become over the years.
Was a time when there was a bit of respect shown towards the players on the throw.
Now it’s just a gigantic piss up and chance to shout abuse whilst having absolutely zero chance of knowing what the fuck is happening.
6
I would say that ‘Darts is a ridiculously difficult game to WANT TO master’ Herman.
It doesn’t keep you fit and it doesn’t get you out of the house.
At best it gets you in pubs that have a dart board, and pubs that do are usually horrible.
Between games you would be drinking several pints of beer and no doubt eating pork scratchings.
No wonder the players are obese.
2
Darts certainly doesn’t keep you fit TAC.
I fully agree.
It doesn’t always have to blamed on boozing either.
Look no further than reigning world champ young Luke Littler, who was already morbidly obese at 16 due to a confessed fondness for kebabs.
From personal experience I could count on the fingers of one hand how many times I’ve actually played darts in a pub.
I’ve always played it as a kind of hobby or a way of killing a few hours.
I would imagine that if any up and coming young players of tomorrow decided to focus on health and cardio as much as practicing throwing tbe darts, they could probably take the game up another level.
2
You old cunts must remember the darts hysteria in the 80’s, always put it down to Bullseye.
Now mollion quid to thrown darts and pull them out again.
ONEHUNDREDANDEIGHTY!!!
Fuck off and get a life the cunts.
3
I have no real opinion about darts, for me it’s just a recreational game but like other games it has professionals and good luck to them if they can make a few bob.
Would I watch it, not a fucking chance 😂
PS, why don’t we have a Trump (not Bridge but a Donald) the boats would be stopped in one day.
Take some balls to go into a neighbours country and arrest the president 👍
8
I have just been having the same conversation with a friend regarding my pleasure at the Don’s actions in Venezuela – got the commies the world over pissing their pants in fury that a drug trafficking terrorist is not accepted as a freedom fighter by the rest of the world, but instead is treated for what he is – a m*rderous criminal.
And, of course, we see in what direction the moral compass of our government is dialled, as guess which political party is clamouring for Starmer to condemn Trump taking out a drug dealing socialist dictator? Funny thing is, at the same time Trump will likely be installing the person who beat him to the Nobel Peace Prize as the new leader of Venezuela, (his losing to her being much to the pleasure of his most vocal detractors) – dear me, this must be a very confusing day to be a leftard
8
Oh and next stop the Iranians – fuck it, take ‘em all on Don, beats tacitly endorsing their regimes by doing fuck all to stop them (the policy of his predecessors)
5
I have just woken up from my completely unnecessary siesta (we are still on our Christmas break here), and Mrs Cunter has the fucking darts on, again.
Is there something about obese bastards that women find attractive?
I know that sumo wrestlers in Japan have a groupie following.
How can she or anyone else watch this bollocks?
My mind is wandering and I can only think about the plumbing in The Alexander Palace (LAAAAARDAAAAN!!!).
It must be excellent or the bogs would be overflowing with so many pissed up spectators.
And now the audience is singing.
No, I certainly will not ‘stand up if I love the darts’.
Firstly, I do not love the darts, but more importantly a gentleman would not act in such a way.
I stand up to offer my seat to a lady or when one enters the room, not for a liking of a tedious pub game.
‘Don’t take me home. Please don’t take me home’.
Again, totally at odds with what I would like if I found myself at a darts tournament.
Dreadful.
I think that I will go and read a book.
1
That totally wank ‘don’t take me home’ song is sung by fuckwits up and down the land at sports stadia. Nauseating.
I’ve no view on darts, Bristow was ok back in the day, but there’s no Cokerknees left nowadays only mocknees like Danny Dyer [cunt].
PS – Uber Cunt Ed Davy calling on Rodney to condem the Donald’s actions in Venezuela today, do fuck off Ed you libtard cunt.
5
I’d watch if they were throwing the darts at each other
6
I can’t totally agree with all the points in this nom.
I first became interested in darts back when Eric Bristow was playing and beating everyone in sight. He was brilliant with just the right amount of cockiness and arrogance to go with it. The razzmatazz has gone too far though so the nom does have some merit.
For example, the boxing-esque introductions for the players is way over the top. It’s embarrassing. Each player has their own ‘walk-on music’ and the tarts on stage trying to come up with some cheerleader style moves is equally embarrassing. Darts is by its very nature a bit laddish(*) so having cheerleaders just doesn’t fit. Neither are they fit. They’re a long way from the drop dead gorgeous beauties who used to stroll through the pits at F1 races, but I digress.
Yes, many of the players are overweight to extremely overweight. That’s a lifestyle choice and darts does not require you to be as fit as a fiddle. Though some of the players are obviously very trim. Gerwyn Price for example. The spectators are now truly awful. I was watching some darts on YT the other day from back in the ’80s. While the players were throwing everyone shut up and only cheered after a player’s third dart had landed. The crowd at Ally Pally are a disgrace. Football style chanting, booing players while they’re throwing, mental costumes and of course the obligatory grins and waving when they realise they’re on TV. Cunts.
The nom falls down badly with this:
“There is very little skill involved in my opinion.
If anyone were to practice doing the same repetitive movement for 8 hours a day, every day, then they would be very good at it within a few short months.”
I agree if you were to practice for 8 hours a day you’d get pretty good after a few months. I know this to be true through personal experience. Practicing in your bedroom with no one watching and no pressure of competition, yeah you can hit 180s and even get to the level of hitting a 170, the highest check-out score possible.
Playing to the best of your ability against an opponent who’s matching your scores or better – that’s harder. Playing in a knock-out competition – that’s harder. Playing in a televised competition – harder still. Keeping your concentration with lightning fast mental arithmetic in a room full of noisy pissed up cunts booing you – that takes balls and resilience. The difference between a great score and a poor one is a millimetre. The difference between winning a leg, set, match or the whole competition can be a millimetre. This side of the wire, you’re on fire. The other side of the wire, you’re toast. It’s that precise.
It’s a stretch to call darts a sport, but I can’t think of any other game/sport where millimetre accuracy matters.
Being that accurate under televised competition and good opponent conditions requires a high degree of practice, training and skill. To suggest otherwise is plainly wrong. Darts is ace – but not as good as it used to be.
* – Despite being laddish, darts has also succumbed to wokeness/DEI. Female commentators and even some female players in this year’s world darts tournament. There’s not a lot to say during a darts match yet the mindless drivel these tarts continuously spout is very annoying. As for the female players….I caught 2 games featuring a stunning beauty (ahem) and they were utter crap. Totally smashed by their male opponents. Do fuck off love, you’re embarrassing yourselves.
12
Afternoon IY.
When you were on about practicing in your bedroom for 8 hours a day with no one watching and no pressure, my mind wandered a little and started to think of another teenage activity entirely.
8
Afternoon LL.
Like playing guitar, you mean? Yeah, I did that too. Good times. Happy memories. 🙂
8
I actually found myself reading Eric Bristow’s autobiography for some light entertainment on holiday a few years ago. It was a different scene back then, and a couple of anecdotes remain with me from his memoir:
– Getting into a fight in a pub where he was lucky to avoid the wrath of the local heavy, who had a specialist method of dealing with his victims – he carried a plane around with him, that is to say the instrument used for removing fine layers from a wooden surface, and he would plane the top of people’s heads.
– Him and Cliff Lazarenko on a flight to the Canadian Open, during the course of which they drank the plane completely dry, nothing whatsoever was left, and then when they landed Big Cliff dragged the crafty Cockney on a bar crawl that wound up with Bristow suffering chronic alcohol poisoning while Lazarenko carried on regardless.
Great days
8
I recall one of those old Merry Melodies or Looney Tunes cartoons.
A Stork delvers a giant’s baby to the wrong house.
So, a normal couple ends up with this gigantic freak.
Luke fucking Littler.
4
I’ve only recently got back into the darts, but have been reading about the new ‘superstar’ Littler for a while now. Apparently he’s just amazing.
I watched a game of his earlier in the competition, round 2 I think. He won, but I wasn’t wowed to be honest. Yes, he racks up big scores and hits his doubles when he needs to but he has no flair or magic.
I remember watching Eric Bristow, John Lowe, Keith Deller, Cliff Lazarenko, Bob Anderson, etc. They were fun to watch. Bristow was a sod though. He’d get left behind in leg after leg, only to check out with some huge score with his opponent on a double and not getting a look in. It was so great.
I’m trying to find a current player to get behind. I think I’m warming to Luke Humphries. I really like his walk-on music. Looked it up and it’s I Predict a Riot by Kaiser Chiefs. Cracking tune. He seems a decent sort. I defo don’t care for Littler. Obnoxious fat cunt IMO.
I’ll be tuned into the final at 2PM my time. Cheering on the Dutch lad who knocked out Humphries. That makes him a cunt, but not as much as Littler is a cunt.
6
Van Veen.
I’ll be rooting for the lad IY.
Whether he’ll be able to keep his arm going under the pressure only time will tell.
I agree with your appraisal of Luke Littler.
2
Hi Herman –
Yeah, V V has played incredibly well. He has the skill and nerve to take Littler down. I don’t know if he has the bottle to keep it together in a final. Littler’s been there and done it before so knows how to handle the pressure.
Should be a good final though. Let’s hope Littler’s crying into his beer at the end.
3
I’m a massive fan of Luke Humphreys. A proper gentleman and all his opponents seem to like him. Doesn’t come across as big headed/arrogant at all. Think littler will grow out of his current arrogance eventually as he’s still at the stroppy teenage stage of his life. Wish there was somewhere I could watch this final for free as we don’t have sky and I was recently a victim to online credit card fraud so don’t want to use online payments anymore☹️
5
Bugger!
Looked to me like the occasion was too much for V V. Littler was relentless in that final. Worthy champion no doubt, but there’s absolutely nothing remotely likeable about him.
Go Luke Humphries in the Premier League!!!!
3
There’s nothing particularly entertaining about watching some cunt literally steamrolling all of the opposition.
Tonight’s final played out exactly the same as the semi final last night against that weird looking long haired fella Ryan Searle.
Credit where it’s due of course. The youngster is obviously head and shoulders above all of his rivals at this moment.
The kebab man does give up his fair share of chances in most legs and in most sets but the other lads basically don’t capitalise on it when it happens.
Call it pressure call it skill or whatever.
I agree though – Luke Littler has the charisma of a refuse collectors arse.
2
The mongs and spazheads that ‘follow’ darts these days…
What the fuck has an ancient song by Neil Diamond about Caroline Kennedy got to to with fat bastards throwing darts and the hordes of bellends who congregate there?
And, that ‘So good! So good! So good!’ bit is moronic chav scum personified.
6
Afternoon Norman
Add the England/Africa bastard international football team and Eddie “I’m a professional conman” Hearn’s boxing do’s to the list of Neil Diamond infused atrocities.
“So good So good So good”
FUCK OFF
3
Morning, Herman. Leeds today. Well looking forward to reigniting the old rivalry.
0
I’m neither here nor there on this one.
But I must say, at the time of writing, that I’ve not been lectured on racism, gay rights, or the plight of Palestinians by a professional darts player.
It’s also apparent that they don’t ban certain religious groups from their events at the behest of a local Muslim led council.
So, for the time being, they’re ok with me.
7
And the crowd chants ‘Starmer is a wanker’.
So they can’t be that bad.
12
Agreed Geordie, but chanting “Stand up if you love the darts” is beyond lame. I also caught “boring boring trebles” the other night – what the fuck is that about? Hitting trebles a basic part of the game!!!
The crowd overall are utterly moronic though. I much preferred the old days when they shut up while the players were throwing. Yet another sign of society’s downward spiral.
5
Million pounds prize 🏆 money 😩…. imagine jocky,Eric b,and cliff lazarenko with that stuffed in their back pocket….a landlords dream 🐑… One ‘undred an eightttttttyyyyyyyy
3
Tony Green was an ace score announcer. I miss him. The current lot have nothing on Tony. Some of them try sound TG-esque. Cunts.
Maybe score announcing could be made more entertaining?
“41 – loose third dart there, that’s poor”
“26 – Christ my dog throws better darts than that”
“Bob, you require 157 but you won’t get it the way you’re playing”
“Jim, you require 40, that’s double top, pressure’s on as the other guy’s on a finish”
“Dave you need 32 to win the game and piss all over the other cunt’s firework”
3
He was a fucking nuisance when he was in Bullseye. Saying the score after each dart instead of waiting till all three had been thrown, like as n normal. What an off putting cunt!
2
Fair comment my Lord.
Stay out the black and in the red – there’s nothing in this game for 2 in a bed.
Still makes me chuckle.
1
O/T, but has anyone seen MNC?
2
Some notorious Stockport talk of the street woman probably lured him in on New Year’s Eve and hasn’t let him go yet.
I just hope it’s not Dirty Ange….😉
0
I played the Count
Ted Hankey in 2008.
He was doing the exhibition routine around UK an Ireland in Pubs, where else.
Asked him his chances for the World title?
“ Back me”
The rest is history.
I fkn never backed him🤮
4
Ah well there we have it. Luke “Count Tubula” Littler has won his second world title.
The darts contenders of the future has to combine good health, cardio and talent in order to dominate or challenge the likes of the Littler’s.
Ronnie O’Sullivan runs 18 minute 5k’s and was still winning snooker titles in his late 40s.
Probably not a coincidence.
The only thing standing between Luke Littler and legend status is blood pressure.
2
OT, just seen on the news a photo the Americans have released of Nicolas Maduro, cuffed, blindfolded and in ear defenders. Made my day. I can’t stop smiling.
2
Tarts Darts at my local is something else! It still goes on now, with women’s teams that often resemble something out of the WI, that usually end up fighting it out over double one, or “Madhouse” as it got named. This in some extreme cases would often go on for nearly half an hour, or more, rather than just toss a coin & get the torture over with.
1
Get a trade, you’ll never be out of work..!
I should have practiced darts.
Million quid in the bank.
Fucking better than crawling under floorboards rewiring twatting house’s..!
Still, mustn’t grumble..!
Just gotta surfboard..!
Can’t see chubby boy doing that..!
At 70..!
4
Much like jungle/drum and bass music, Darts is ruined by the addition of an MC.
That and the crowds, pissed up excitable fools who would, like a good junglist crowd, benefit from a spliff and some MDMA.
A game best played for fun /down the pub rather than profesionally, a local pub league if you must.
0
The mongs that dress up like complete cunts and sing songs like retarded football hooligans are what ruin darts.
All ‘look at me’ attention seekers. Basically lagered up scum. Not there as real supporters at all. All that row they make can’t help the players.
And, their chanting of shit like ‘Seven Nation Army’ (which was a ‘song’ by two inbreds anyway) sums up their brain dead attitude. Cunts.
1
Darts is the perfect leveller.
Anyone can play long as you possess one hand.
I dont class it as a sport.
More a rainy day pursuit,
Like dominoes, Jenga, indoor skittles.
You can have the fat content of a chicken nugget,
Only tackle a flight of stairs with the aid of a stannah stair lift,
Doesnt matter.
Your fit for active duty
In the world of darts.
Its nice for these useless, fat smelly virgins,
They can still get out and have a social life.
And earn good money.
Because sure as shit without darts theyd not hold a job down.
But seems to take its toll?
Some balding pot bellied bloke
Turns out the cunts just left school!!
Anyway i dont watch the shite.
But each to their own…
1
Ps
I also like the fact you can still do other things whilst playing darts.
Have a pint
Eat a bag of pork scratchings.
Cant do that in anything else.
Cant even open a bag of crisps in boxing gloves.
Football?
Spill your drink.
Are any darts players married men?
Or do they all still live with their mums?
1
I think the obese, four eyed cunt referenced in your nom may be Stephen Butty. Sorry Bunting.
Some say the reason Butty got so good at darts was because he wanted to win a tournament before the chip shop shut.
He’s now come out and complained about online trolls having a go at him and his family (unacceptable for his family in my opinion) yet seems fixated on his social media and followers, even going so far as calling himself the people’s champion or some such bollocks.
He’s a working class lad from Liverpool who pays more tax (or should do 😆)than 99% of us and is in the top dozen of anyone who has ever thrown a dart.
But Butty does himself no favours, if I was him I would turn up, make my dosh, fuck off and keep my fat trap shut.
0