is a cunt.

Remember VHS tapes? Remember the biggest inconvenience of getting a rental movie was having to rewind the tape because the previous cunt didn’t bother? After that, it was press Play and after a few moments your movie would start. Yes, the picture quality wasn’t always the best. Yes, you might have to dick around with the tracking control to get rid of the black and white bands of picture interference. But you didn’t have to wait long before the opening credits were rolling and you could enjoy the show.

Fast forward (see what I did there?) to today and we have big screen hi-def TVs, multi-channel surround sound systems and hi-def digital discs of your favourite movies. You’ve paid good money for a movie, it’s spinning up in the disc player and you’re moments away from immersing yourself in a visual and audible feast.

Not so fast.

Fucking trailer of another film you’re not interested in. So you’ve basically paid to be advertised to, thus wasting your time and money. Oh wait, the player won’t skip past it either because the main menu option is temporarily disabled on the remote. Bastards! Use fast forward, that’ll fix ’em. Oh wait, another trailer. And another. And another. Finally you get past that crap. Time for the movie you actually paid for? Nope.

A full screen of stills and action sequences from the movie and somewhere buried in there is the option to actually start the movie. Finally, we’re off, right? Nope.

Full screen whine about piracy not being a victimless crime. Yeah, I know. I paid for the fucking disc so can I watch my movie now, please? Nope. Next we get a screen telling us the views and opinions expressed on the disc do not necessarily represent those of the studio who released the film. Really? I honestly thought Liam Neeson was the official spokesperson for Sony Pictures. Do fuck off.

Movie time now? Nope. Next it’s an announcement from Interpol about copyright theft. And you can’t skip that either. Just to make sure you’re even more irritated, the same fucking message comes up next in French, FFS! Can I watch the movie now? Nope.

Full screen telling me the movie’s rating. I don’t care.
Next, full screen telling me it’s a Universal Pictures release. I don’t care.
Next, it’s some animated graphic about the production company. I don’t care.
Next, it’s some logo bollocks about the distribution company. I don’t care.
Next, I’m told it’s a Steven Spielberg movie. I don’t care.
Next, I’m informed who the producer is. I don’t care.
Next, I’m told who the producer worked in association with. I don’t care.

On and on this goes.

I’ve actually timed this on some discs and if you sat through all this crap, it’ll be 15+ minutes before you actually see the first frames of the movie you paid for. That’s pathetic, very annoying and an absolute cunt.

Nominated by : Immigration Yank.