January


‘January, sick and tired you’ve been hanging on me’. So sang Scottish pop warblers Pilot back in the 70s, and I know how they felt.

The festive season is over and done, and the long slide through the year’s most miserable month begins. It’s a procession of dismal, dreary, dank days, each one of which gives way to a long, dark, cold night. There’s pissing rain and sleet, bitter wind and gales, snow, fog and ice. There are freezing hands, feet, noses and ears. Don’t forget coughs, colds and flu. It’s a cornucopia of delights.

And yet there are those who’ll tell you how much they like this time of year; ‘oooh, I love to draw the curtains, make a big pot of tea, and snuggle down in front of the fire to watch Emmerdale and Corrie’.

As the wife would say, ‘get tae fuck’. I can feel a bad attack of SAD creeping over me like a suffocating blanket. If I was a bear, I’d be hibernating for six months. The winter sucks. That goes double for January.

Daily Express.

Nominated by : Ron Knee

14 thoughts on “January

  1. Thank fuck it’s the 31st.

    I hate winter, and I especially hate the 13 week month of January.

    I’m with you, Ron. If I could fuck off somewhere else, where it’s going to be mild with sunshine, I would.

  2. January means taxes and bills flooding in to me.
    A month of panic, worry,
    And stupid bastards who see fit to have birthdays right after Christmas.

    A skint month.
    A dark month.

    It sucks balls.

    • ay up Mis, happy January to you and all the cunters.

      My second-youngest came in to wake up my youngest so now the three of us are downstairs watching the assorted parade of dark hued ethnics on children’s television. Not really the thrust of the nom but always ceases to amaze me.

      Oh, and we were up before the heating came on so it’s still bloody cold, and I blame January.

      • Morning Mickey👍
        My kids are in their 30s now.
        But remember having to watch 90s Saturday morning kids tv.
        Power Rangers,
        Didnt have a clue what was going on?
        Sort of feverish epilepsy nightmare.

        But they liked it!
        Told em,
        Rubbish this.
        What you want is Ron Ely as Tarzan!
        An Tiswas!

        They ignored me though.
        To buzy bouncing and jumping off the sofa😁

  3. my silly old missus is one of those who tries to convince herself that being cosy and snug, warmed by a fire whilst outside the winds of heaven bawl is somehow better than being warmed by the sun whilst naked on a beach.

    The Scandinavians called it ‘Hygge’ but I call it a cope.

    • There’s a lot to be said for a hyggelig aften.

      Snow coming in sideways outside, log burner lit. A bottle of red warming slightly by the side of it.
      Bowls of crisps, snacks and dips on the coffee table. The Housewolf warming your feet and a good film on TV, while the hot strawberry blond with an arse to die for cooks pepper steak and sauté potatoes with sauce for dinner.

      A sense of contentment and wellbeing wash over you and everything in this moment is right in your world.

      That’s hygge.

      • yeah ok, but substitute all that for warm beer, a blonde with sand up her chuff and sand flies biting her arse and your dog shaking sea water all over your food.

        no comparison

  4. This is one of the big reasons why I loathe Christmas – because it’s fucking clear what’s coming after that over-hyped tedious and wasteful consumer fest is done with; a crash to earth come-down that would give a smack addict the fear.

    Were I given the liberty of excising this month from existence I’d just make my incision 7 days earlier and have the week proceeding from the 25th Dec onwards cut away with it.

  5. January is only cold, dark and wet because of climate change, which is all the fault of us gammons.

    The only answer is to return to the Stone Age.

    Morning all.

  6. Go to work in the dark and go home in the fucking dark. Bills to pay and to exacerbate the situation i indulge in a vicious cycle of retail therapy

  7. I couldn’t agree more about January.

    We had a couple of bad days.
    It actually rained once.

    Oh well, off to the beach later.

    Good morning!

  8. It’s the sad bastards on TV telling you another storm coming in. Well we don’t have to go out. Just watch another silly cunt fuck their engine up driving through floodwater. Schadenfreude at it’s finest.

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