The DVSA and the mysterious disappearing driving test slots.
I saw this and thought what the fuck?
Now, I took and passed my driving test on the 6th May 1976. Booking a test on-line was not an option. I can’t quite remember what the process was, but I’m fairly sure it involved proving your identity.
So I asked Younger. Apparently, there are two booking portals, one for ordinary people, and one for accredited driving instructors. Somehow, the second portal has been manipulated, or used inappropriately, hence the theatre ticket scalpers version of driving tests, where slots are being offered for up to £500.
The DVSA are supposedly closing the portal, or at least introducing stricter controls. Yeah, ok but I wouldn’t hold my breath.
I almost feel sorry for the poor sod in the link, but my advice, give up driving.
Nominated by : Jeezum Priest
Im surprised any pass their test nowadays
The useless little cunts.
The standard of driving is piss poor.
Especially the ethnic ones.
Half blind chinkys
Dazed umbongo monkeys
And sand people all doing 15-20mph grinding gears, and stalling at the lights.
Fuck em.
Either pay up or use public transport you bus wankers
15
You failed to mention obscenely paid football cunts.
They regularly trash their brand new supercars.
2
I have found recently the taxi drivers seem keen to drive in a manner that may prove fatal. It’s unbelieveable.
I have always struggled with driving, and the cons seem to outweigh the pros – expensive, dangerous, stressful, expensive etc
Creating this lottery for something so basic is a dystopian angle that I did not see coming.
At least we wont be arrested for having a Goldfish without a licence…
1
I wasn’t aware that anyone called Mohammed from Bolton had ever bothered with optional extras like passing a test or getting their car taxed and insured.
18
You could be right there, Geordie.
2
Right on G the reason for most of the shite driving is the cunts don’t have a licence. Few years back in North London some peaceful twat charged £200 to do theory and £500 to do the test. When eventually caught cops reckoned that over 200 peacefuls had benefitted from this cunts enterprise. Fucking joke but hey only 3.9 million cunts have arrived here since 2021 more than the population of Wales but according to some cunt employed by our government numbers don’t matter. I think they do regarding driving, noncing, stabbing and general tenth world occupations.
3
That’s just a white person’s problem. The peaceful community just share the 5 valid driving licences between the 4 million carpet kissers.
I noticed the BBC story had lots of ethnic names in it, but pointing it out is probably racist.
14
Does that argument even work anymore?
1
Very slight credit where it is due: it’s refreshing and surprising to see the BBC going after a filthy pakı. The reporter and commissioning editor will probably face disciplinary action after some leftie whilstleblower dobs them in.
14
Hehehe I saw some africunt woman on the motorway few weeks ago.
Middle lane doing 35mph.
Chimp features frozen with fear.
I gave her a long blast of my horn and the middle finger to settle her nerves.
You may as well give a 2year old a chainsaw and expect a happy ending.
Useless.
17
Mis, I presume she was going in the wrong direction as well.
8
I once heard a woman Mis advising another woman who had her test booked on how to handle motorways when she’d got her ticket;
“As soon as you get on the motorway get in the middle lane. And stay there.”
6
One of the best examples of sheboon fuckwittery I have ever seen was witnessed in Lewisham on a Sunday morning.
A red police ARU X5 with blues and two going came hammering down the bus lane with the dot matrix screen in the back scrolling “POLICE! DO NOT FOLLOW THIS VEHICLE”. Hotley pursued by a morbidly obese proto hominid wearing a tent size flowery dress in an Audi trying to cut to the front of the queue.
The X5 slammed the brakes on at the lights, the copper driving got out, stormed up to the cøønmobile, grabbed the keys out of the ignition and threw them across the road into a front garden.
The uppity sheboon was enraged. It was fucking hilarious watching it chimp out at all the other drivers laughing at it as it waddled across the road in search of it’s keys.
One of the very few times I have actually applauded the Met police.
11
What a heartwarming sight that must have been!
4
One dreams of observing such actions.
2
Come to London BB.
You get so see some really weird shit on a regular basis.
1
You can bet your life it’s the accredited driving instructors portal that’s being abused.
Just look a the demographic of them in this article alone.
You can also bet that most examiners are of the same extraction, hence why, whenever we see a Shamima or Mohamed doing stupid things in their black Audi or Mercedes, we wonder out loud how they ever passed their test.
A few decades ago, they wouldn’t have done.
The DVSA portal obviously needs tightening up, but it’s not the sole reason for this fraudulent shenanigans.
Elevate the wrong people to even the tiniest bit of power, and it’s a given that they’ll abuse it.
13
I was once advised by a driving test examiner that it was a job I should do. It took me a moment to decide against it. At some point you would be out there effectively a passenger with a black woman driving. I’ve no desire to emulate Marc Bolan.
14
It’s riddled with fraud and corruption,almost all of it created by pakis.
Just like your local council and the call centre for your bank.
A complete kebab of kunts.
Oven.
Good morning.
14
Just to confirm what an absolute cunt I am, many year’s ago I had several driving school branches under my control.
The whole point of running driving schools is to have as many hours booked as possible with the available learners.
The first school that I visited had a ‘Happy Passers’ board in the back room.
Instructors would proudly display the number of learners that had passed their test with them over the past year.
I soon changed that.
Happy Failures.
I got them to display the number of learners that had failed their tests but kept booking lessons for their next one.
A learner that passes is a learner lost.
I also got the instructors to increase the amount of hours for each pupil by insisting that they had night time lessons, city driving lessons where they would be taken into central London and bad weather lessons where if it was pissing down, snowing or foggy they would ring round their punters to take them out.
The best ruse was when I had a competition for the instructor who could book a test the farthest from his branch.
Each hour travelling back and forth to a distant test centre had to be paid for by the learner.
If I remember correctly it was won by an instructor in East London who managed to get a punter to agree to a test in the Isle of Man.
That needed an overnight stay and cost the learner about 24 hours worth of lessons.
A course of motorway driving lessons was compulsory for each driver that unfortunately passed their test.
I could go into detail about how my instructors used to destroy a learner’s confidence on the way to any test centre, but I imagine that you already know what a cunt I am.
Incidentally, I increased the turnover four fold.
Good morning!
7
O/T But I understand from Mrs Twenty that Paul Chuckle has received an MBE in the New Year Honours. This is primarily for his selfless crusade against the downgrading of Quality Street wrappers, and fearlessly battling his haunted bog. Well done ,sir!
Good morning, everyone.
7
Worse still, Twenty.
Idris Elbow has been given a knighthood for services to being vastly overrated, or something like that.
Dear oh dear.
8
Afternoon, Sir. Paul Chuckle is a fearless TV legend, Idris is frightful TV bellend.
10
Passed my test years ago by not driving into anything for 5 minutes in a straight line. Mind you, I had to stop every minute or so to fill my elephant up.
🐘🪫
7
O/T, but “Arise, Sir Idris [ginger beer] Elbow.”
His word is not his [James] Bond.
https://www.imdb.com/news/ni64138146/
Doubt if that will shut the racist cunt up.
Except that black on white isn`t racist, is it?
8
It’s a shame Iris hasn’t played JB.
King Tampon knighting James Bond would have aligned perfectly with the fact that 007 is the Royal family’s average IQ.
6
Why don’t these who sit cross legged on carpets, travel by their rugs ? The lanes I suppose are above and below, a pose to left and right. If they believe in sitting on their arses all daylong in these places that are cropping up everywhere illegally, they can become airports and travel for free. What is their argument about finding a costly bogus driving instructor when their religion is telling them it’s here for free.
7
Off topic, but I recently saw where they’d filled a street to pray ( as if they haven’t got enough mosques). Some non Muslim was going along stealing their shoes behind their backs!
5
O/T, what an absolute pile of fucking cock sucking keep the plebs happy outdated pointless crap..!
BBC News – Idris Elba knighted as Sarina Wiegman and Lionesses lead New Year Honours
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/crrkgzy52keo
NOT MY KING…!
10
If there is a scam to had you will find an Ahmed.
After the investigation ‘The survey said the scams are more prevalent in certain areas of the country, the high flyers beginning with a B’
10
Fucking right, Soi…Barnstaple is a hotbed of corruption.
5
Indeed, the shit is creeping in here but at least we are spared the plasticine mob, for now.
2
White taxi driver’s in Barnstaple.
Fucking rare sight in the UK these days..!
2
I believe a monkey dressed in coat hat and tails, swung through the trees directly from a (monkeys) tea party, to be knighted by another proper Charlie. What’s the world coming to you may well ask.
5
I stopped believing in being recognised for doing good when the beatles were honoured. An honour for me should go to all mothers who serve their purpose to families at every moment they can spare. The only other honour bespoken should go to nurses as a matter of fact.
6
Driving standards deffo piss poor. Double yellow lines mean nowt here in Cheshire. Parking on the pavements outside the many takeaways.
And yes. What a joke the ‘honours’ system has become. You can hear the knicker wetting from here!!!
4
Frank Reynolds knew the rules of the road.
https://youtu.be/WAZM-8bygPE?si=iuoc_ds17z2asfHI
1
A “Four Way Stop” FFS! They mean unmarked crossroads with no priority. I presume such junctions still persist over there because their cars have such inferior handling they wouldn’t make it round a roundabout at more than walking pace. Safer to stop every vehicle at every junction so that they can get round the corners at 5-10mph. Also when they inevitably crash it normally results only in bent cars not serious injuries.
2
I clearly remember taking my motorcycle test, during a cold December Friday back in 1975. Just the one test then. Round the block four times to the right, & then four to the left, when the examiner had previously informed me he would step out in front of me somewhere, & expect me to stop safely. Then a few Highway Code questions & a colour blind test followed by a pass, & all in for a £6.75 Postal Order sent by First Class Mail, easy! A funny story around at the time though was when one of the examiners stepped out in front of the wrong motorcycle & got himself hospitalised. I can only hope the chap on his test got a full refund.
8
At ten to four on a Friday afternoon my test guy told me ‘You passed .. one more x on the sheet and you wouldn’t have’
So I sez alrighty then ; do you want to show me what it is I’m not doing right (you know? – for future reference whilst out perambulating a ton plus of machinery among the filthy public and all!)
‘What does it matter? .. You passed’ was the wisdom he imparted unto me.
Footnote : by the time the disintetested cunt had gotten a cert organised .. it was 4 minutes to 4 .. and I had to be at work, the other side of a busy town, by 4. I fucking hated, ever, being late for work. 2.5 miles.
So within a quarter of an hour of my driving test, I ran two sets of lights that were orange/red and took a roundabout eastern (3rd) exit by cutting across the thing to the bottom right to beat a line of traffic approaching my opposite side. Full tilt the rest of the way.
Passed my test first attempt.
Also made my 4 o’clock starting time.
Like much else, the driving test and system around the thing is pretty dumb and certainly not fit for purpose.
5
There was also this other funny story when a bloke at college told us about when his dad took a test back in the early 60’s, on a Triumph 500 cc motorcycle. Half way through, in the worst possible moment, & out of sight of the examiner, it decided to blow up. Having no real option, he decided to push it home. We joked about how long the examiner waited, picking his nose in anticipation, before he gave up, & retuned to the test centre for a well earned coffee.
1
Im considering opening a driving school myself.
Im truly gifted behind the wheel.
That may come across as bragging?
And your right.
Iy is.
school of Colonial Advanced motoring.
S. C. A. M. For short.
All instructors will wear pith helmets,
And carry a lenth of bamboo cane or a lenth of lead pipe wrapped in leather for difficult pupils.
For the best pupil that week they get a piece of fruit or bag of termites.
The worst gets a whipping on the hard shoulder.
Open to all nationalities,
Im very inclusive,
Cash upfront no guarantees.
Free nickname with every lesson.
” hey, Darth vader.
Get in the car.
Come on luv.
Ill drop you off in Rochdale if you want..
4
After what I’m reading on here today l won’t feel safe in a bus incase one of these poorly trained drivers crashes into me. Even more worrying, they could be driving the bus.
4
One evening I was in the Whippet Inn and rather the worse for wear. The landlord said I shouldn’t drive home in my state and he persuaded me to take the bus home instead.
It was great fun. I’d never driven a bus before.
7
You were lucky to find a bus going your way.
🚌
3
Ps
Every day it surprises me that ive not been headhunted as a getaway driver by jewel theives or stuntman for a remake of Smokey and the Bandit.
Sumbitch.
4
how fucking hard can it be to make applicants enter their provisional licence number to book a test and only that person with that licence can take the test?
4
Sorry old chap it’s run by the govt.
5
Driving us up the wall with their presence is enough for me.
3
O/T
No need for that dinghy, Mohammad.
All Eurostar trains cancelled because of a power failure in the Channel Tunnel.
Just walk through. Rodney’s arranged a red carpet reception and luxury coaches awaiting to whisk you to your hotel.
5
I saw a clip of late where it’s after dark and a car is after hitting a wall or somesuch and car front end & the wall are smashed. A cop is questioning a couple standing looking all forlorn at (their) wrecked car. Cop says to the man .. ‘How much alcohol had you had to drink tonight?’
“8 pints of lager and 4 brandies”.
“So you were quite drunk?”
“I was out of my head drunk, officer”
Well, be that as it may sir, I hope this has taught you an important lesson : no matter how drunk you are, there is still no excuse to let your wife drive “
6
Anthony Joshua had no trouble booking his driving test.
2
A AJ a couple of inches close to death.
The news headlines bleated.
Ive never been so upset about a couple of inches since my honeymoon
5
The mistake there is using inches to measure/brag, MNC. Too precise a detail. Too easy to (in)autheinticate.
Always went personally with the old ‘how many pigeons can perch on it whilst erect’ line to impress a lady into the boudoir, so to speak.
‘Course there’s still alwsys the potential to have landed a bitter, pedantic bitch who might tell her female friends you were exaggerating.
Overheard one bitching one night ..
‘He said ‘twer six pigeons could perch on it .. but I called his bluff, and not a chance. It was four maximum….
…and even at that, the one on the end had to keep flapping its wings’.
3
Speaking of the DVLA, I tried changing my address online using the gov ID thing. No, naturally they couldn’t verify my ID and said I had to get a D1 form from the post office. Unfortunately, our post office recently shut (just before the Christmas period, what a great business decision) and so I had to go 15 miles away to the nearest post office (I tried a local small one before, outskirts of town, but of course, no form available there too). I know it’s a small thing but it’s things like that that make me realise this country is falling apart.
I also had to stand behind and wait while the Indian cashier and a haggard Romanian woman argued for 20 minutes about being able to withdraw large amounts of money or not. Neither could speak English proficiently and it was like being in the tower of Babel.
5
My driving instructor done it all, I just paid.
But whatever fuck is BBC?
1
8 lessons @ £2.00
1 Driving test @ £3.75
1 moggy 1000 @ £40
Total cost to get licence & on the road.
£59.75..
17 years old and as happy as fuck…!
Had to work plenty overtime to pay for it. No mummy/ daddy paying my way.
4
& that figure you mentioned included a full tank of 2*.
2
£5.00 worth…👍😂
2