Compliments of the Season fellow cunters !
A yuletide nomination for Christmas Parking – or more accurately, people who inexplicably have a driving license, yet lack the ability to park their car correctly.
They usually fall into one of 3 categories :-
A> Can’t find an empty space in the first row they drive down, so they spot someone behind the wheel, & then stop dead, waiting for said person to leave.
Common sense of a brick.
B> They find an empty space, then making a 17 point turn to enter parking space. They exit to shop leaving their car at some crazy angle, or touching the adjacent parked car.
C> Can’t be bothered to drive around looking for an empty space. They abandon their car on the end of a row (where no space exists) causing problems for people trying to find parking, or they mount the pavement, or grass verge or planted area & leave mud all over the place.
Morons .. . . . The gift that keeps on giving 🙂
Nominated by : Lord_of_the_Rings
My favourite is empty car park, park your car out of the way, return to find some fucker is parked next to you.
Do cars get lonely?
No they don’t.
So fucking park somewhere else you spàstic.
18
This invariably seems to be the case Barry. I’ve often puzzled over why it’s so.
5
Ah yes. Lonely car syndrome.
I think it’s in the hope that the ferals will nick the other car , and not theirs.
1
In Melbourne yesterday a bit confused by the roadworks I abruptly indicated to change lanes and got honked…by a fricken cop car…which I just cut off!😬
He followed me for several blocks while I expected blue lights…he must have run the plates and noticed nothing. Or maybe thought I was just a lost out of stater not particularly worth checking or maybe just some Christmas leniency…phew
Parking fees downunder by the way are extortionate. I just want to park for a few hours not BUY the fricken plot
7
You pay to park in Australia Three Strokes?! WTF? Australia is almost the size of the contiguous United States. Western Australia alone is bigger than Alaska and Texas added together. The population density is less than ten people per square mile. Come on!
2
Agreed arfur
It’s absurd and outrageous
Trouble is inner city no longer looks like the place I grew up. Tower apartments everywhere, minibikes buzzing around, Chinese, Indians, and there are more parking Stanley’s than car parking
0
Ah, the simplicity of the bicycle. If I’m shopping; bus then taxi with goods all to myself.
4
Decisions, decisions.
Car park full, not a space to be had.
EXCEPT – half a dozen charging points for EVs, all spaces vacant.
Do you park there and risk having to extend your mortgage to pay the fine?
10
Yes they are very tempting GT those empty spaces just going to waste. One is almost tempted to mock up some fake charging paraphernalia and take advantage of their lack of popularity. In my very small local car park two disabled places existed. Now only one the other converted to a charging point. Great thinking from the fuckwit council as the majority of persons who live hereabouts are old and fucked like me. Oh well a new year is almost upon us should be fun if nothing else
7
Our local Lidl had two EV charging spaces installed. After replacing the cables half a dozen times, they stopped bothering.
Strangely enough, no-one parks in them.
4
I can still walk briskly for my age and sometimes a wry smile appears when thinking of the worries motorists have trying to park their cars, but not to worry, they’ll be dead sooner than me from thrombosis.
6
I used to park here. £4 all day..!
https://www.northerngroup.co.uk/portfolio/managed-by-northern-group/the-quarters/
Not parking space left now.
7
A brain dead car park cretin isn’t just for Christmas.
It’s for life!
They’ve always been among us, yet Christmas sees them come together like never before.
Guaranteed they’ll be just as ignorant, incompetent, lazy and just plain thick into the new year and beyond.
The only saving grace, is that park keys don’t celebrate Christmas.
Could you imagine the chaos with that lot rushing to get little Achmed a ‘my first bomb making kit’ on Christmas Eve, along with every other cunt?
Don’t bear thinking about.
12
Dunno about Christmas eve chaos FMC. I went to Tesco’s on Christmas eve and it was quiet. Maybe just this area.
5
That would be because loads of people are boycotting Tesco’s, arfur.
Why?
Because they are cunts.
0
The lack of available parking and the extortionate price of that which is available is the major cause of the collapse of town centre trade. Why can the authorities not see this? Why do we tolerate the bastards screwing us this way?
9
All that wasted parking space outside an even smaller supermarket, with one tiny bicycle rack. What does that tell people about keeping fit and healthy. Then what do you get inside the store, food to kill you off quicker with help from the slow door to door car journeys that eventually will see you off.
5
Trouble is Sammy that trying to get people cycling is like trying to sell pork down the mosque. Milton Keynes proves it. It has a comprehensive network of cycleways which means there is no sharing with motor traffic rquired anywhere. In the town there are lockable cupboards to keep your bicycle safe. It is so long since they were used that the weeds are two feet high across the doors.
7
Very true A, problem is many of the cycle ways and foot paths are the haunt of rapist, thieves and other scum especially since all the Somalians got dumped there
4
Lots of people are inconsiderate parkers.
Or plainly unskilled in a vehicle.
Its not just a seasonal thing.
I of course am a brilliant parker.
I can park a luton van with my eyes shut.
And often do.
I park at a angle in 4 bays.
Stops some slackjawed mouth breather from parking right against me.
Sometimes as a deterrent ill also drop my tail lift.
Some goggle eyed twat not paying attention?
Itll open the car up like a tin opener.
6
Seems to me they can’t drive for toffee 😂😂😂
3
Haven’t Had a go at the yanks in ages. Then let’s hope most of them choked to death at their thanksgiving shite of a festival, or whatever the fuck they call it.
4
With the new reverse parking cameras, I actually park worse than before. Weird. Or maybe just age…
5
My daughter’s both have hybrids, both were telling me on Boxing Day about situations where the vehicle has wrenched the wheel to the left, or hard braked for no apparent reason.
So no, I think your car is trying to kill you.
You haven’t nicknamed it Christine, by any chance?
1
When I was in the UK parallel parking was not a part of the driving test, and if that’s still the case then it fucking needs to change.
The ‘reverse round a corner’ was a wishy-washy alternative.
With lots of traffic on the roads any driver needs to know how to park between 2 cars.
It’s a much more useful skill than the ‘hill start’ which was a part of the test.
Having said that, there is nothing stopping a full license holder from actually practicing something that will be useful on almost every journey.
Just use cones and not my fucking car to practice parking behind.
Of course there was less traffic on the roads when I first passed my test, but I purposefully went out in all sorts of weather conditions and on all sorts of roads to improve my driving.
There are people that can pass their test in obscure places in the UK without ever seeing a roundabout.
They will not have driven in snow or fog and certainly not on a motorway.
They are qualified drivers who can’t be bothered to improve on the little that they have been taught.
8
Just for your information Arty, our kids took their tests in the early 2000s. The reverse round a corner was no longer required and they did in fact have to parallel park. I once worked with an American who was required to take a driving test as he had been here for approaching the twelve month limit. On the morning of his test his biggest fear was that he might try to change gear with the window winder. He didn’t realise until we told him that crossing your arms as you turned the wheel was a test fail in the UK. He passed.
As regards the hill start, I believe it is still in the test but I’ll stand correction if someone knows better. I had company cars recent years which had this euphemistically named “hill start assist”. I couldn’t stand it. For one thing it would hold for several seconds and then drop off without warning, a problem if someone was stopped a foot behind you. Also I did some driving on steep gradients in the Chilterns. There were circumstances where it was useful to be able to nudge forward uphill and then dip the clutch and roll back when you had seen the traffic situation. I confess I just put the fucking thing in gear and forced it where I wanted to go. Biggest laugh though was when you were stopped facing uphill and when you pulled away it failed to disengage. Being front wheel drive the front tyres screamed and smoked with the rear wheels locked and the car moved as someone put it succinctly, like a dog dragging it’s arse across the carpet.
2
PS, ever driven on chains on snow and ice? Good fun, I recommend it.
3
I was watching some thing where a person was having a driving lesson.
They were on a relatively narrow 2 lane road, and the road ahead was totally blocked by a crash that wasn’t getting cleared anytime soon.
There wasn’t a handy side road, or driveway to do a quick spin round in, so the instructor said ” we’ll have to do this old school ” and talked her through a three point turn.
Old school? Fucking old school, ftaf!
Asked Younger, apparently it’s no longer part of the driving test, but apparently pulling over to the right side of the road, reversing several yards, then pulling back to the left side and carrying on is.
Fuck me pink, no wonder young people can’t fucking drive worth a shit.
2
Having holidayed in mainland Spain and other Spanish territories, I’d like to say that the parallel parking skills of the Spanish have to be the eighth wonder of the world.
Many a time I’ve been sat on a balcony watching someone pull up just before a space I personally wouldn’t think you could leave a mobility scooter in and neatly park in about three manoeuvres. Unbelievable!
1
Absolutely Jeezum.
Young girls can easily get into spaces here that I wouldn’t even attempt.
And they manage it in record time.
You will obviously think that I am biased but to watch the parking skills here is a thing to behold.
I think that it’s down to the cities.
There are fuck all parking spaces to be found on the streets.
Come across a space that is 1cm longer than your car and you will want to be in it.
Not only are Spanish drivers skillful, they are also fucking quick.
2
Too bloody right, quick doesn’t begin to describe it.
I think zip, zap, zop does.
Then about two yards of legs, followed by a out 18 inches of skirt.,…
Oh. My. Days.
0
My car’s off the road at the moment. I ran over a gentleman of the carpet kissing persuasion just before Christmas and consequently it needs some repairs to the bodywork.
The damage wasn’t so much a result of me running him over as the fact that I had to drive across a ploughed field to get the bastard.
15
Boom, tish!
5
Pity, Geordie, in this weather you couldn’t stand him up as a scarecrow to have the cunts eyes gouged out.
4
Cunts who cannot drive armoured personnel carriers masquerading as “cars”. Best Park right up against the driver’s door so they cannot get in, without climbing over the passenger seat.
3
The fittest and cheapest way to travel is by Hoop & Stick. HONK ! Now sew a button on that !
3