I suppose it had to happen. The ex footballer, turned knicker model, turned international playboy with a taste for underweight tarts, and self-titled father of the year – any year, has now, with far too much time and money on his hands, decided to become a farmer. Or at least he likes to grow broad beans in his weekend home back garden and pose in tweeds and shepherds crook. This has impressed the formerly tasteful magazine Country Life to employ him (for one week only) as “guest editor”. Apparently it has taken them the best part of a year to bring out the issue – no wonder, I daresay Dave is yet to master using all the crayons in his kit.

The tosh they have written about them is as sickening as his posing. The author of the deathless pose clearly fancies him. He or she gushes as Dave bends down to puck some berans and offer them to the assembled crew.

In reality this over-tattooed elderly poser probably has staff that run his “farm” or market garden (at best) -more likely a couple of rows of beans behind the dahlias and lobelia.

No wonder his eldest son wants nothing to do with him – probably the result of years of having to indulge his various delusions – not least that he is a good father – that has sickened and embarrassed the lad, like this latest improbable stunt. He says the countryside matters to him – publicity matters to the old hasbeen even more.

Country Life.

Nominated by : W. C. Boggs