‘Hello sailor!’
‘Oooooooo…get ‘er!’
There’s a long and honourable tradition of claiming that historical figures belong to some fashionable minority. Cleopatra was black, Florence Nightingdale was a tuppence licker, Hitler only had one ball… you know the sort of thing I mean.
Now there’s the case of Admiral Lord Nelson, who was mortally wounded as the Royal Navy blew the arses off the French and Spanish fleets at the Battle of Trafalgar in 1805. As Nelson lay dying aboard HMS Victory, he is reputed to have said to his said to his friend Captain Thomas Hardy ‘kiss me Hardy’.
Based on this, the Walker Art Gallery in Liverpool has branded our boy Horatio as ‘queer’, and has placed two paintings of his death in an exhibition entitled ‘On the History of LGBTQ and Love’. Apparently the museum’s curators have stated that ‘historians have long speculated about the exact nature of the relationship’ between Nelson and Hardy, and that their friendship and bond could represent ‘the sometimes hidden queer history of life at sea’. Sounds as though life at sea could have had its, shall we say, gay side back in those days; all ‘rum, bum and concertina’, as George Melly put it in his autobiography.
Now as we know, Nelson was married to Frances Nelson, but was also getting plenty on the side from Lady Emma Hamilton, who bore the saucy sailor a child. Nevertheless, those vital three words reputedly spoken by Nelson as his life ebbed away must surely be taken as conclusive evidence that he did, in fact, secretly bat for the other side.
I don’t know about anybody else, but I for one think that we owe a tremendous debt of gratitude to the Walker Gallery for bringing a new and fascinating insight into the life of one of our greatest national figures.
Who and what next I wonder? ‘Margaret Thatcher was a man!’ claims controversial historian…
Nominated by: Ron Knee
What about that Drake cunt fingering bowels on Plymouth Ho?
Gerrim in the Walker.
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Just because some bloke says ‘Kiss me, Hardy’ (if he actually did bloody say it), doesn’t mean they are a card carrying doughnut puncher.
I kissed my dear old dad on the top of his head when we were in Barcelona, and Solksjaer got that treble clinching winner in 1999. And it was a right smacker.
And, when Norman Whiteside scored that great winner against Everton in the 1985 FA Cup Final at the old Wembley. The straight as they come John Gidman said to Big Norm, ‘If there weren’t 100’000 people here, I’d fuck you now.’
And, our Horatio was not only a supreme Bonaparte (little cunt) Basher. He was also a bird bandit par exellence. Lady Emma Hamilton was apparently one of the prime pieces of crumpet in Regency England. Get in there. Hozza. Woof Woof, as George IV would say.
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Martin Luther King liked to fuck whores, Nelson Mandela was a bit terroristy, Alexander the Great liked to have piledrivers from young boys, Napoleon had a one-inch baby carrot, Abe Lincoln like ebony flange, Stalin was into wife-swapping, and Malcom X liked Chînk women to defecate nto his mouth.
Oh, snd Gandi was a little shitbag, trouble-making cunt who rubbed Turmeric onto his ball bag.
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All true Captain.
On the subject of Liverpudlian culture, some contact of mine from a country in Europe (let’s just say that) has sent me the yet to be released ‘Anthology 4’ unreleased tracks.
Some lovely acoustic versions from George, a raucous and more rocky ‘Baby You’re A Rich Man’, a much more Byrds-like ‘Nowhere Man’ and a nice first take of ‘In My Life’.
Nowhere to be seen on the interweb now, of course.
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Oh, and the 2025 ‘Real Love’ is absolute shit. Way worse than the 1996 version.
Like something off ELO’s nadir ‘Xanadu’.
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And Ronald and Reginald like young laddies, and each other.
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I don’t mind a bit of ELO, Norm.
Lennon’s original Real Live is the best, isn’t it.
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Real Love
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I loved ELO. Captain. But after Discovery, they went a bit downhill for me.
Although Jeff Lynne re-did the 2025 Free As A Bird (a big improvement on the 95 one). Real Love 2025 smells of Giles Martin. Giles butchering of ‘I Am The Walrus’ in 2023 is similar.
There is a bootleg mix of Real Love from the 94/95 sessions. With John and George sharing vocals and Paul doing backing with much more acoustic guitars on it. Far better than this ‘new’ version.
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Wankers
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More ‘Arts’ from the Pool…
Did anyone see that Brookside comeback?
Billy Corkhill is now Del Boy’s Uncle Albert.
Barry Grant is now Yul Brynner.
And the black pizza delivery bloke Mick is now a high ranking Detective with a new identity. Oh, my sides. 🤣
Only good bit was Sue Johnston and Ricky Tomlinson together.
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Wasn’t one of the Corkills living with Fred the Paed0 Weatherman?
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Aye Captain.
That was the now deceased Jimmy Corkhill.
‘Jimmy’ also ‘lived’ with Granada sports buffoon Elton Welsby.
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I enquired of the wikipedia .. ‘Lord Nelson’, to check out the death tale.
A mishearing of ‘kismet’ (of which I had heard 30 plus years ago)gets not a mention now, but the new skinny on it is that Hardy kissed him TWICE after being requested to (once).
Then a pop-down appeared and with it, wikipedia asked me for a donation.
I proffered £10,000 per month.
A new little section appeared.
Would I like to be SUPER generous and add another £400 per month, so the cunts could keep the entire £10,000?
(I witnessed the exact same thing with the guardian cunts 6 months ago.)
Gone be the days when an offer of any amount to a cunt with the cap out, letalone ten grand – as insincere as it was in these cases – was met with a ‘thankew very much’.
Cunts.
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Hardy comes across as a willing participant.
Couldnt keep his tongue out of the nearly dead.
Bit of a dirty fucker eh?
Youd think butter wouldn’t melt wouldnt you?
Its Laurel i feel sorry for.
https://youtu.be/LXCwlO2jnYU?si=tr18Dfr6OsNnzB5K
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In that case, then it’s a good job the very thirsty dying man didn’t instead say (and be misheard/misquoted).
‘Fetch me something to drink, Hardy’
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Wikipedia is mostly-anonymous digital media with incredible bias.
Who knows who they are or how much they’re taking as bribes from intel companies?
Don’t give the fuckers anything.
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Don’t worry!
They ask ; I tease .. but I’d rather burn what bit I have, than sponsor the wealthy 🙄
The amount mentioned above is roughly what me + the missus spend annually on our numerous rescued-from-bad-cunts critters & related infrastructure ; vets, meds, etc.
Most of our ‘disposable’, in fact. And WE don’t ask a single other fucker for a penny towards it!
Whoever’s bankrolling IsAC works from a similar mindset, we should remember more often than we do!
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I used to travel by train to Liverpool in the 60s & 70s and listen to their Royal Phiharmonic under Sir Charles Groves, mainly for Bruckner & Mahler symphonic works, which would be played in the second half. That meant I would sneak in for nowt. Someone has to pay for my travel. One of the memories was having a conversation with Sir Charles about Bruckner and telling me of still having some old 78s of his works.
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On what evidence do they ‘prove’ that Nelson was a whoopsie?
One three words he might not have even said? What a load of desperate woke bollocks.
Trouble is, these cunts want these historical figure to be phags.
That horrible film about Queen Anne. No evidence at all, but this shit portrays the 1700s monarch as a tuppence flicker. With that woke clothes horse (and I do mean Horse) Olivia Colman shitting on the late Queen’s memory and reputation for money and woke points. Fucking Mister Ed faced cunt.
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