I’ve long been fascinated by the weird and wonderful vagaries that we humans can display when it comes to sexual activity and the pursuit of bodily pleasure. It’s led me to put the occasional posting on here under the heading ‘Bizarre Sex’.

Long time cunters may possibly recall the case of the Aussie couple who were found guilty in court for indulging in acts of bestiality with erm, a trout. Then there was the cunt from oop north who was done for trapping a seagull and then shoving his dick down its throat in a grotesque attempt at oral satisfaction. Or how about the ‘gentleman’ of a certain persuasion jailed for fucking his chickens, and the French ancient who was taken to hospital with an unexploded WWI shell stuck up his ringpiece?

Here’s another good ‘Bizarre Sex’ entry, from Russia this time. A young woman went to hospital complaining vaguely of anal pain and spasms. The onset of some rare and nasty disease, perhaps? Well no, not exactly; the cause, in fact, was easily found and remedied, it being a fucking monster of a cucumber which her boyfriend explained had got stuck up her jacksy during a bout of ‘extreme lovemaking’. As these things do. It could happen to anybody.

The one part of this mystery which remained unexplained to the doctors was why the end of the cucumber had been eaten, the couple having subsequently quit the hospital fast without providing any enlightenment on the matter. Let’s think now; how and why might this possibly have happened…?

Personally I remain puzzled as to what drives people to such extremes when it comes to pushing objects up their arses. A nice chunky butt plug I can definitely relate to, as this can really increase gratification. But huge things which could inflict some severe damage on the organ in question, and then prove very difficult to remove if stuck, are another kettle of fish altogether, and legends abound of anything from vacuum cleaner attachments to gerbils having been utilsed at one time or another. I even once heard of a supposed porn video where some slaphead oiled his head and shoved it up his girlfriends arse, but I reckon that this is probably an urban legend (unless cunters know differently).

But back to the monster cucumber. Talk about reckless stupidity;

Jesus H, the staff in A and E departments everywhere must see some real eye-openers during the course of the working week, the daft twats involved here being a case in point. It really does take all sorts, as the old saying goes, especially when a bit of bum fun’s being hankered after.

Daily Star

Nominated by Ron Knee