are a cunt.
Adverts have been around for a very long time. According to Google, the first ad we have record of was on a papyrus found in Thebes, and dated at c3,000 BC. It was done by a craftsman to promote his weaving store. Ever since then they’ve been around to irritate or bore us to various degrees.
It’s fair to say that I can ignore ads for the most part, but some annoy the fucking life out of me for some reason. Take the case of this shitty ad for Maltesers. Here we have a classic for our time; a family of effnicks being introduced to ‘grandma’s companion’, an utterly gormless-looking wally chomping on chocolates, who is, of course, the figure-of-fun token white on display;
Speaking of ‘rainbow ads’, how about the utterly weird ‘copy nothing’ ad for Jaguar cars? This features a bizarre looking collection of individuals poncing about in strange costumes, but oddly, there’s not a car in sight… Reports suggest that since this very peculiar and irritating ad appeared, sales of Jags have slid into oblivion. ‘Go woke go broke’ then?;
youtube
Now some ads drive you to distraction by the sheer amount of repetition they subject you to. Who’s not been battered into submission when on YouTube by THIS total cunt?;
Yes they can truly annoy and irritate, and really, I suspect that’s the point. To paraphrase Oscar Wilde, the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.The more annoying an ad is, the more it lives rent free in your head. To this day I can’t shake out ‘on and on and on and Ariston’, and ‘Go Compare!’. If the ad man can throw some controversy into the mix as well and get people arguing about the ad in the meeja and online, then he’s generated (as that appalling Americanism has it) ‘more bangs per buck’.
I’m sure that you lot out in the world of cunting will have have your own ‘horrible ads’ to report. One thing’s for sure; like earthquakes, locusts, the clap, wasps, peacefuls and other undesirables, annoying adverts are another thing we’ll never get rid of.
Nominated by Ron Knee.
It’s not often that I want to put my foot through the telly because of an advert.
I am almost immune to them now.
But this fucking offering really makes my shit itch.
https://youtu.be/s0e_EHWCOfo?si=FKSd_4HvNPvK9hZ4
6
Good grief.
6
Facking hell
5
Boil them in buffalo piss
0
I dunno about that first example. The gormless wally white-man is habitually fucking that dusky old trot and calmly chomping on confectionery whilst the family reel in this knowledge.
the advert could only be improved if he also menacingly swished a sjambok in their general direction.
8
I’m going to repeat myself and keep it even shorter. After Gibbs SR and the brilliantly racist Esso sign, l fucked them off.
5
All ads are annoying. They add to the cost of fucking *everything* advertised, for every consumer, whether the buyer was influenced by – or even saw – the advert or not, … and can/must only exist because there is a troglodyte level of the species that CAN be influenced by fake sincerity, crap jingles and outright bullshit all the year long. “Paying for other cunts sins” takes many forms, including outright stupidity.
I personally haven’t endured a full ad for anything in over 5 years, am just going to take your word for it on the links, RK.
4
Big Trak, Xmas push 1979 is the last time big and got their hooks into this cunter.
Santa brought me one!
Cunting thing’s electronics had caved by midday.
The last day I ever smiled. 😆
8
^ *”big ad”
2
Perfect synopsis Cuntemall. I’ve seen adverts which cause me to wonder why the maker thinks it would persuade me to buy that product, some which literally I cannot work out what they are trying to sell me and the ultimate idiocy, adverts which cause me to think I shall avoid that product and the company which makes it.
5
Lara Wolf gives me the horn.
I don’t mind this advert…..
Check out this video from this search, trail finder adverts https://share.google/1OsHDniafravrzIXJ
3
I used top love the adds – ‘Drinka pinta Milk a day’ ; ‘Go to work on an egg’: ‘I’m a Cadbury’s Fruit & Nitcase’; ‘Typhoo puts the Tea in Britain.’ ‘Marvellous, less fat too.’
Now ads are just gyrating dharkeys, pissing pants, and fucking diarrhea. A fucking cesspit of diverse inclusivity. Go fuck yourselves, you desperate corporate cunts.
(slightly amended version of comment currently in moderation)
9
This British Army recruitment ad from the 1970s was a good one:
“Join the army. Travel to exotic distant lands. Meet exciting people and kill them.”
Sadly I was not old enough to sign up.
6
Hiw about that “Whaasaap” one where braindead Yanks, presumably on drugs, phone each other to say, “Whaaaassaaap?” to each other. Fuck knows what these inarticulate junkies were flogging. but I wouldn’t buy it.
7
That ‘city trader’ on YouTube that tells you how he made his millions not by working 9 to 5…. But by working every day for 5mins before 9…. A cunt and probably a fraudulent fucker too. Allegedly of course.
And ANY radio advert. Especially one with that Cunt Paddy McGuiness doing the voice over. Or Ryland.
Good nom and commended.
8
Modern adverts are unmitigated shit.
I liked the adverts for Milk Tray back in the 70s,oh and Hamlet cigars..
Now they favour Notting Hill Carnival and I cannot allow that on my household shitboxes.
They even have pakîs selling fucking crisps now.
Fuck off.
Oven,sponsored by Krupps Steel.
7
Oh and a chap I was talking to in the pub once said that if you have youtube on your telly then it can be replaced by a much nicer version called Smartube..
He said it removes all the ads automatically and is a thing of great wonder.
And it must piss the cunts at Google or whichever tech Corp that owns it right off.
2
You have to buy it for a premium Terry £10 a month or so
1
I wouldn’t do that for a go on Kelly Brooke.
The Smartube replaces youtube and is available after a bit of fiddling with any smart TV with the Play store..
Or via a fiddled with Firestick
So I’m informed.
Splendid.
2
Hamlet cigar adverts were little works of art Unk.
Compare it to this piece of shit;
https://www.prolificnorth.co.uk/news/leith-brings-mr-vegas-to-life-in-new-tv-campaign-uhh/
If there’s one thing worse than an ad which encourages people to gamble, it this one which features the insufferable ‘Mr Vegas’ character.
Just fuck off mate (Mr Vegas obviously, not you Unk).
Morning all.
8
I thought I’d indulge in a bit of nostalgia by watching the Sweeney in itv x the other day, only to discover it’s sponsored by Domino’s Pizza.
I instantly decided to stop being a lazy cunt and dug out the dvd box set I’d stashed in the loft.
Why? Because it’s childish, cretinous and chock full of dark keys.
So well done itv. You’ve just lost yourself another viewer.
And I suspect I’m not the only one.
5
I can’t abide those stupid fuckers who advertise Haribo sweets – they look like deviants then the overdub them with silly little girl voices. Then there is the darkiewanker and his Lucosade “song”. Advertising executives must be smashed out of their skulls on Class A drugs all the time.
5
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8UV4I0RBeQ
1
Since joining you lads & lasses, I’ve found out lots of things I’d earlier kicked into touch, with the occasional well I never and would you Adam and Eve shite. It leaves me wondering why you continually keep torturing yourselves. I’m glad you do without being too sarcastic about it, with you doing a grand job of also keeping me up to date with sports commentary, I’d also stopped listening to well over a decade ago and finding it even worse since the ladies sports came more to the fore, besides their comments. There’s plenty more I can thank you for, but this can be all for now from the bottom of my heart.
4
I missed out your help on the surreal laughable adverts of coloured people being somewhere they shouldn’t.
2
At work?
6
Ads are just annoying for their frequency, & are at an all time low right now. The T.V. is unwatchable, & I could say the same about useless tube since it’s Google take over back in 2006. Some were actually worth watching back in the 70’s, before politically correctness came along, killing off everything that I found amusing.
5
It seems that modern ads are purely the pet projects of insufferable advertising agency types, with skin tight suits, brown pointy shoes and a sense of humour that would embarrass a 10 year old.
Speak to anyone with half a brain cell and they’ll tell you they are heartily sick of Go Compare, Compare the Meerkat, Domino’s ads and the proliferation of dark keys
They watch incredulous as tv ad families consisting of a black dad, Indian/pakistani mum and Scandinavian looking kids goof about on screen.
No fucker can stand them and often refuse to buy the product advertised (if there is actually any reference to it, which often there isn’t) so why the fuck do these companies continue to spunk millions alienating potential customers?
Probably because some cunt at the ad agency tells them the opposite is true.
Daft cunts!
8
You’re bang on about the mix and match families in some of the ads kicking about at the mo Field Marshal.
About 20 years ago the ‘in vogue’ ad become the one showing all blokes (but esp white blokes) as being pig shit thick stupid and useless, often only fit for being banged around the head with a frying pan. This still hasn’t really died out to this day.
11
I remember those days, Ron.
White husband was a dribbling fuckwit, whereas the wife was the font of all knowledge, without whom he’d be nothing.
Now it’s all dark keys and revolting peacefuls.
5
I used to find it really funny when you’d get an ad for some revolting gooey confectionary packed with sugar and Christ knows what other shit, and they’d punt it as a healthy lifestyle choice.
How could we ever forget ‘a Mars a day helps you work, rest and play’?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AE9zAummq7Q
You’ve got to laugh.
5
The blacks in adds would soon kick up a fuss if we decided to show white people throwing spears about in the jungle, advertising cocoa tin lids we exchanged with them for real silver, back in the days of David Attenborough documentaries.
2
Jennifier Fucking Aniston and her accursed L’Oriel advert.
“Because you’re worth it”.
But what if you weren’t worth it?
What if you were a fat, smelly munter with bad teeth and greasy hair.
I blame that stupid Doris for the current crop of middle-ages growbags who, despite a 2 at best, think they’re a 9 or the full 10 and don’t give regular blokes the time of day.
Fuck them.
Actually, maybe they’re the lucky ones…instead of saying “shall we go upstairs?” to any bird I get round my house, I’d say “shall we go downstairs?”
6
Negros doing sun cream ads does seem pointless, yes, it’s all about diversity once again. Seems many are capable of getting a tan, but it is very subtle. Too much, & they actually burn, but I have never personally seen a sunburnt sootie, because to me, like black ants they all just look the same.
6
They should make a commercial about how spent match Jackie boy became white, to prevent himself from biting his fingers whilst eating a mars bar. But the crafty cunt wore white gloves instead.
2
Before recording became available, just think of all that life time lost when idiot tv started. Now there’s no excuse for that to happen any longer with recording. I’m surprised there hasn’t been someone suing itv for all their lost lifetime.
When I was watching the only channel available, before the idiots turned up, you got the full wack, then the adds came on and you could turn over to watch a short put on by the beeb, who knew commercial were on the other side.
2
Apostrophe S you silly boy.
0
That fucking yorkshire tea one doing the rounds voiced by that philomena cunk oddity, also the speed reading of the terms and conditions, for fucks sake.
3
Oh yes, the speed reading.
Good spot DC!
6
Still. Despite most of us being dead by then, … will anyone truly recall the content of these production-line ‘in yer face’ abominations in 35/40 years time?
Why do I ask?
.🎵 Izzzzzzzzzzzzzz….Trevor ever getting up?
Never in a month of Sundays …
…. will dad ever get that garden cut?
and so on.
Get that one out of your fucking head if it gets in at all … for fucking gravy granules from 35/40 years ago…. but I spend 20 mins a day looking for mislaid keys, phone, sundry that I ‘put down somewhere’ only minutes earlier.
🎵… ‘cos y’can’t beat bisto in a month of Sundays …. 🤯
2
Fuck ya, Ron, the floodgates have opened…
🎵Just one Cornetto ; …. 🎵Do the Shake and Vac, ; … Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho atch-oo! 🤧🍋
..and a dozen more. ..
3
When was the last time you watched an advert on the television and said ‘Oh that looks good, I’ll have to go out and buy that’? Never, right? That’s because you’ve got a brain, and that should be your first clue, because tv ads are made for people who are mindless, suggestible or to put it bluntly, thick. That’s why most of us find them so annoying. I always mute the sound when the ads come on and sometimes even change the channel for a couple of minutes.
Those who create adverts know they’ve got to grab your attention so they have actors shouting rather than talking and pulling stupid faces rather than acting normally. For some reason they seem to think that showing bare feet will encourage you to buy the product, whatever it happens to be, or having a bunch of people dancing, or jumping around like stupid twats will do the trick.
The only one that I’ve liked in recent years was the Angelo Poretti ad with foxes on a boat.
3
These thick cunts you refer to are the standard of cunts who, now – in their millions worldwide – are befriending, bff-ing and even getting engaged & ‘married’ to … A.I. chatbots.
A fake voice connected to a circuit board that tells these morons every stupid thing the cunts want to hear, and can make them do whatever it fucking tells them.
I guess advertising lubed them up for what’s in their futures …
2
Cuntcoin is currently trading for a mere $12.79 on the world’s leading crypto exchanges, Cuntemall…best get your share before it explodes in price to, oh maybe over $13.
4
I liked the one where the cat parks the car badly fuck knows what it was advertising.
1
The great thing about TV ads is they tell you what’s best to buy.
And that’s nice of them because it saves you having to think.
However, if owt’s advertised on the telly I don’t buy it.
Not least because there’s too many blacks.
Far as I can see you might as well take a running jump.
Nowt’s ever been any good anyhow.
You just have to buy what you can and hope for the best.
Most of what you get for your money you may as well sling on the fireback.
Specially with all them blacks and that.
Besides, would we be any worse off if we had none of this rammel?
Personally I’m still reeling from Jif being rebranded as Cif.
Fuck them all.
4
We should never forget those shrivelled old bags, gesticulating with their hands as they advertise Pure Fucking Cremations, and the witless old poof having a chinwag with his woman neighbour who advises to send off for a Sun Life information package. And what about those bulky Pee pants?. I long for the days when the old American chap loved the razor so much he bought the company, and the woman nobody would talk to had a shower with a bar of Lifebuoy. That must have been an early job of AnalEase Dodds. They don’t make Lifebuoy anymore, so now she stinks again.
3
‘…the old American chap loved the razor so much he bought the company,::”
Victor Kiam was his name … how the fuck do I still remember that after 50 odd years ???
5
That’s the name – I had forgotten it. Thanks CC
1
This advert is most effective…Pears soap really does clean the muddiest of skin:
https://share.google/LvcaZmiHwmHud6187
Safe (and highly amusing) pic.
4
I have the full Pears Soap vintage collection in my downstairs convenience.
Good old fashioned fun.
Thank you.
3
What irritates me beyond measure are adverts for products that we do not need, have never needed, and will never need.
Scent boosters for your laundry.
If your freshly washed laundry smells bad, I suggest you change your detergent or chuck a cup full of soda crystals in your machine and run it, empty, on the hottest, longest wash cycle possible.
This also applies to laundry cleanser.
Lower body spray.
Try a daily shower followed by clean underpants!
5
Unless you are like Kweer Charmer and fart every five minutes and get skid marks
2
Double sized wash tablets by Peter bean pole cunt
0
Consign all ads to the toilet bowl of history
1
I’d love my company to produce an arrogant, condescending ad stating “you can’t afford it” regarding our very expensive products.
Not only would it insult the dreamers, it would dissuade them from calling and asking idiotic engineering queries and getting on my tits.
“Welcome to XXXXXXX.
Please press 1 if you earn over £100,000 and press 2 if you earn less than £100,000.
Number 2 cuts you off inmediately.
3
Anyone mentioned the Lucozade ad yet? Some sort of ‘rap’ saying ‘Rock Off, Rock Off’. Guess what I sing along to that..
5
I used to like the old advert for milk.
Two little scouse kids,
” ian Rush drinks it”
https://youtu.be/8-p5Rp0p_fc?si=aecCw43ak_M-K928
What they didn’t know is that Ian Rush only drank milk he stole off doorsteps.
Scousers.
3
I remember when adverts were funny, iconic and very British.
The Kit Kat commercials, Heineken (the road sign man doing Singing In The Rain), Polo Mints, Hamlet Cigars, the Guinness Toucan, the Oxo ‘family’, Rigsby and Joan Collins advertising Cinzano, Heinz Beans and many more.
Some were little works of art and as fondly remembered as the old classic programmes that we used to watch.
Now adverts are shit. The overuse of antique rock tunes not connected at all to what they are supposed to be advertising is annying (see you: Jeff Lynne, Paul Weller, Queen). Sainsburys now have a commercial featuring the backing track to The Jam’s ‘Start’. Seriously, what the fuck? And British Gas and ‘Mister Blue Sky’ for fuck’s sake.
And the rest are all ads crammed with blacks and pooves. The only white working class people in modern ads are shouty riff raff plebs in Bingo and screaming in Lottery adverts. Load of crap. The fat ‘bubbly’ ‘ebullient’ black smiley ‘character’ is now seemingly de rigeur in UK commercials. See that nauseating treeswinging sod in those Aldi adverts.
I used to love this one. No rest for the wicked.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qFQ_k5uhrU
1
And this one.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TblWE9a-Ie0
0
If men were really as thick as they make them out to be in these adverts, they’d be classed as having learning difficulties, require some sort of carer and people who mocked them would be deemed monsters and dragged through the streets like Colonel Gadaffi.
If it was a blonde woman like in the old Philadelphia adverts it would be deemed misogynist, chauvinist, etc.
Aaah but it’s alright, because it’s only men, and we can all go fuck ourselves can’t we?
4
Until they need someone to change a tyre, repair a puncture on a bicycle, paint and decorate, wire a plug, get rid of a spider out the bath, lift something heavy, sort out something mechanical or electronic or anything practical.
Either that or cough up and pay for something.
4
How about this one?
I bet Kravd and Mince Pie Guy have had a few of these
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsSGn5HSKkw&ab_channel=TVVaultAustralia
0