is a cunt.
Vlad Mk II is a pretty intact Volvo V70 it still has the original stereo.
Any way as I empty my late mothers house I came across her rather vast tape collection all destined for the bin, when one caught my eye.
Jimmy Saviles time travels!
I popped it in the car stereo for nostalgic reasons and had a listen, some of the songs were worrying others were crap.
But, the fucking thing will not eject I am now driving round in a fucking nonce mobile!
not happy
Nominated by Lord benny photo from Sam Beau’s personal collection.
Presumably we’ll have an ISAC auction for this astonoshing treasure that makes the Ark of the Covenant look like a wet cardboard?
Lord benny, my opening bid is a grand for this cornerstone of English audio history.
16
Is it true that, if you play the tape backwards, you can hear a sinister voice whispering
” Jim’ll fix You!”?
16
Say what you like about Jimmy,
Yes he liked rattling dead bodies etc
But there’s no denying he had taste.
A gold foil tracksuit is the epitome of style,
Never goes out of fashion and something that you can wear for any social occasion.
He might of been a orrible fucker but he taught me the importance of the seatbelt,
And the joys of rail travel.
Bet when Jimmy attended his 1st day at the BBC he couldn’t believe it!
Im home!!
Everyone here is just like me!
20
Morning MNC/all.
Did you ever write to Jim’ll Fit It when you were a kid?
‘Dear Jim, can you fix it for me to be raped in a changing room by yourself, Gary Glitter, Rolf Harris, Stuart Hall and Nöel Edmonds one after another as Esther Rantzen look on, knocking one out, her finger moving faster than a hummingbird’s wing?’
I even sent a photo…luckily, I wasn’t an attractive enough 8 year old to have my wishes fulfilled.
21
Morning Thomas 👍
Course i did,
I was a child of the 70s.
“Dear Jim,
Could you please fix it for me to attend a Alabama lynching with the KKK then maybe a spin in the General Lee?
No response.
Jimmy broke my fuckin heart.
Think the trick was to aim low.
Inexpensive.
Can i be a zookeeper for the day,
Or throw eggs at John Craven.
Thinking about it now i should of written hundreds of fixits and improved my chances.
17
I like to pretend that I can still be Knight Rider, going round in my Pontiac Firebird helping attractive ladies with baddies and getting sass from my camp-voiced vehicle.
Replace that with shagging ugly, fat single mothers, driving a rusty base model 1969 Cortina with fucked brakes and the AI voice is Welsh.
“Gawwan Michael, there’s lovely, boyo. Is that jacket my coat.”
17
Animal Magic with Johnny Morris
may have done the trick there Mis!
12
Think yourself lucky it is a compilation tape. Just imagine what it might be stuck in your system forever:
“Mrs. Mills Plays Rachmaninov – And Loses”
“The Black Dyke Mills Band Live At Ronnie Scott’s”
“Elvis Presley Sings Thelonious Monk”
Just count your blessings!
16
Poor Lord Benny. Bloody funny though😂😂😂😂
18
Such vile times and already spelt out for us.
4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSA5C8mQcLQ
4
years ago while on my motor trade apprenticeship, I was working on a customers car and had to take the driver’s seat out to replace an electric loom , as I lifted the seat I saw something long that thought was strange, turns out it was a vibrator that was either hidden and or forgotten about by the owner, suffice to say it brought about many piss takes by various members of staff, so car was fixed and handed back to customer and and said toy was left on passenger seat, never saw the car or customer again
18
Wonder what tunes were on it?
Did Jimmy have a good ear for music?
Or is it all Showaddywaddy and Bay City Rollers?
Either way i see it as a result.
16
I remember when vibrators were becoming popular. I bought one from work dirt cheap and I don’t feel ashamed when telling you I loaned it to my wife’s brothers girlfriend. She returned it unwashed with stale encrusted love juice in its crevices. I was just wondering, Sid, if you noticed any such thing on the one you found in the car ?
6
didn’t know Sammy, I was a young 17 year old, I didn’t know what it was at first, but the female receptionist pissed herself laughing when I showed her what I found
5
It is hard to know what to suggest, My Lord B. Sir Jimmy was well known for shagging anything that moved (or didn’t) so why not a car – and from beyond the grave! You could have got Ed and Lorraine Warren to take a look, but they are both brown bread, just like Sir Jimmy.
The only thing you can do is sell the story to The Mirror and pot it up for auction. It should attract the interest of the rich celeb cunts. A bid from Paul Chuckle may be forthcoming. He already has a haunted bog.
Good morning, everyone.
16
Interestingly Lord Benny’s tape, was, I should think, a tie-in with the BBC for a radio series the old bugger did in the 1970s/80s on Radio One called “Savile’s Travels” – so it could be a BBC tape (they had their own record division under BBC Enterprises at the time – mainly soundtracks of Hancock’s Half Hour and Fawlty Towers – that sort of things.
Some more obscure tapes you might be glad to avoid:
“Pinky & Perky ‘Live’ At Smithfields”
“Joe Biden Songs For Senile Lovers”
“Hilary Benn Sings Tiny Tim”
“Gordon Brown Sings Harry Lauder” (what do you mean you have never heard of him – he’s only been dead 90 years)
15
Can imagine even the tape was warped.
4
Rock compilation wasn’t it?
Bohemian Rapesody
Jailhouse Cock
Another Prick in the Wall
Smells Like pre-Teen Spirit
16
Slade-cum on feel the boyz
Beegees- how deep is your morgue
12
I have CDs in the van.
Cant be doing with the overexcited chatter of some DJ twat on the radio.
Ive noticed if I leave the labourer alone in the van on my return its tuned to smooth Fm?!
I should sack the cunt for his shitty taste in music.
19
The lyrics to Billy J Kramer’s Little Children are all there for you to hear. Nothing hidden.
5
Rather than a Rolls Royce, surely Savile ought to’ve driven a hearse volunteering to deliver corpses to the coroner with a 10 mile journey taking a very suspicious two hours.
15
Yeah,
Did anyone else notice the undertaker wasnt wearing trousers? 😂
12
I think Justin Welbey may have got in there first (literally) on that one Thomas.
13
quick question about the tape, does Saville himself perform the songs?
I can imagine they’re as nasally as Frank Sidebottom, but not enough to tempt me into playing cat-and-mouse with his rapey poltergeist.
12
Guten Morgen meine kleinen sonnengetrockneten Tomaten ! 🍅🍅
P J Proby.
Bis später.
12
The Daily Star will offer £50,000 for this tale of ghoulish woe.
The tabloids are a disgrace.
Good morning.
13
Didnt the “Hairy Cornflake” turn out to be a sex pest too?
They were all at it werent they?!
Any day now the headlines will scream about Tony Blackburns cannibal orgies.
Why cant disc jockeys just be normal in the head?
13
Then they wouldn’t be DJs, who have to be slightly deranged in order to get any kind of job satisfaction from playing the same 15 or so songs day in and day out.
15
Remember the cornflake, Mis, who grew a his own balaclava. When he deejayed at the Manchester Cavern. I go so fed up with the cunts claptrap, I told him, if he didn’t shut his trap, I’d ram the mike down his throat. He just sat there with a frightened grin. The fucking twat.
6
Poem For Today:
My car ‘Razzle’ and her demise.
My car is reverting to ore
So the mechanic said
Dust to dust, ‘tis Nature’s law
Rust to rust is just a bore.
Someday my car will fly
To that service station in the sky
Where she will hover on Castrol wings
While angels forever sing.
My sympathies, Lord Benny.
Oh praise the Ford and Austin bold
And Studebaker Hawks of old
Father, Son and holy bonnet
Metal washer and rubber grommet.
Where gaskets never blow their top
And brakes when asked forever stop
Where Razzle’s heart is buried now
All my love I thee endow.
18
The “My sympathies” line was meant to appear after the final verse.
Fuck it.
13
Was at the Rolling Stones concert at Belle Vue in 1964 and it was introduced by this vile cunt who wouldn’t stop talking and to make matters worse the Stones had lost their equipment after arriving from hamshankland and had to use the support acts twanging shite. For the life of me I couldn’t remember who the twats were. Anyway, it was completely ruined by screaming tarts. It was the last time I saw them before the murder of Brian Jones.
6
Just remembered, it was the Tremeloes twanging shite.
4
The Tremeloes.
Fucking hell, I’d rather forget.
2
I was a regular listener to ‘Savile’s Travels’ on a Sunday lunchtime back in the 60s.
Those were the days of innocent youth.
Morning all.
12
Dirty old nonce still causing trouble.
2
I was never a Sa vile fan, always thought he looked a bit of a twat, must have been a sixth sense
How’s about that then!
Lord Benny must have abused the Volvo V70 at some point and this is the retribution 😂
15
I despised Savile the moment I first saw him on telly in 1964.
I was only 11 at the time, but instinctively felt Savile was a fraud with no affinity with pop music, his stupid looking barnet was just a prop, etc.
From then on did my best to ignore the cunt.
Never had him pegged for a serial paèdo and necrophilliac though, but wasn’t in the least bit surprised when he was finally exposed as such.
15
If you’ve got the gift of the gab, you’ll most likely get away with anything.
2
Send this next door.
1