🐞🐞🐞
I was down at The Plantation the other day tending to my precious crops of watermelons 🍉& cotton 🧵(fortunately now viable in the UK due to “climate change”) when I noticed that most of them were festooned with greenflies.
In the past this hasn`t been a problem as they are the main delicacy of the ladybird.
However, this year my succulent & fluffy produce is struggling to thrive due to the infestation of these sap-sucking pesky varmints.
Why?
Because the shiny spotty bastards that are meant to devour them are too fucking lazy to be bothered, that`s why. Clearly they`ve mutated into a gen-Z species and they`ve fucked off to the beach to languish instead in the sun …
Well I hope you are fucking satisfied, you polka-dotted sparkly cunts!
I`m off down the garden centre to steal some insecticides and industrial spray equipment.
DDT should do the trick.
You`ve been warned.
Nominated by Sam Beau.
In the link from The Sun, “Western Super Mare”. Useless illiterate cowboy scribbler – and what’s the betting that the mare was rustled? Thick cunt. Probably thinks that ladybirds are a series of high brow books that he might one day aspire to reading.
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I’m very disappointed with the lack of ladybirds, especially when we had been warned to expect hoards of them.
I’m similarly disappointed by the absence of the flying ant swarms.
I was so looking forward to the Ladybirds v Flying Ants clash!
7
Yes. Obviously down to the warm weather in the UK, climate change and all that.
Pay more tax and you won’t get infestations.
You would think that it would follow that in warmer countries you would have more ladybirds every year, but you don’t.
We call them ‘mariquitas’, that’s when we ever see one, which is rare.
Outbreaks of any sort of insect can happen for many reasons.
We get chicharras which are the noisy beetles that make the buzzing sound.
Visitors think that it’s the sound of summer, but they are a fucking nuisance.
We have them every year from around April to October.
I am sitting on my terrace now listening to one of the noisy cunts.
You can’t fuck them off as they detect the slightest movement from you and shut up so you can’t trace them.
The best you can do is hose down the tree or plant where you think it might be and hopefully it will fuck off.
If you get one in your house it’s a fucking nightmare as they make such a loud noise but when you go looking to kill the bastard it will go quiet.
Even though we get some every year we get a plague of them every 17 years.
Allegedly this is when billions of them hatch after being laid as eggs all that time ago.
I have know 2 plagues and we are due another one next year.
You can’t even hold a conversation outside if you are near any trees or vegetation.
All insects are cunts.
9
People forced to hide in their cars?
Electric cars, presumably…the namby-panby pansies.
Fuck me, they’re not exactly hornets!
What’s the worst they can do?
Look cute?
11
They bite.
Ladybirds bite.
Might look cheerful little friendly types but they want to rip out your throat.
They say a ladybirds bite is similar to that of a great white shark.
16
I’ve been a keen gardener for the best part of 50 years. I’ve seen spiders eating flies and ants ‘farming’ blackfly. But I have never seen a ladybird eating an aphid. Not once.
Anyway, I don’t know why people are bothered about ladybirds when plagues of locusts are swarming across the English Channel every day.
23
fuck, I got all excited I thought it said ladyboys😒
8
No Lord Benny. No Eddie Izzard or Wes Streeting in lipstick today.
1
I remember the summer of 1976 swarms of them but they disappeared as quick as they came, it wasn’t climate change then maybe the Bermuda triangle or the whole in the ozone layer or acid rain or refrigerant gasses.
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I remember that, my mum took me to the beach, it was a shit beach of pebbles, swelteringly hot no bathing trunks and fucking red peril every where and the fuckers do bite, but only enmass a bit like Hitchcock’s the birds
2
Great swarms of ladybirds is a British Tradition.
They happened every other day back in the 70’s.
Frankly the only sort of people who would be alarmed by this are Vegans and foreign spies.
Good morning.
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Theres yellow ones, (chinese?)
And even worse.. Black ones.
I dont remember anything but red ones in the 70s?
This is quite sinister.
Next itll be wasps wearing lipstick.
Labour are behind all this.
You mark my words.
11
There’s a bird we employ from Hong Kong…lovely woman, friendly and nice.
She smells weird as fuck though. Not a smell I’ve ever experienced.
Neither good nor bad, hard to define.
Chinkıes are odd.
6
Soy sauce,faint garlic and notes of boiled pangolin?
They are also utterly indifferent to human suffering.
Be watchful,ever watchful.
Good morning sir.
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I think the smell is all the Chilli they eat!
Quite noticeable in Indonesia
3
Do filthy chinkies think a chili dog is a husky?
3
(if you send one of the cunts on a chippy run, for example) … degenerate might pocket the money and steal someone’s malamute instead…
3
Despite the name they arent actually birds.
And not necessarily ladies.
Confusing eh?
Poorly named in my opinion.
They remind me of the old books for kids in the 70s,
Published with a cheerful logo you could trust.
Penguin
8
It’s a little known fact that the males are called gentlemanbirds.
But the term is no longer used.
6
They withdrew my “Ladybird Book Of Porn For Boys” quickly though MNC – I think it was the painting of Emily Thornberry with her bangers out on the cover that caused it.
6
There is a Ladybird Book of Cunts out there as well.
2
have you got a copy of it or are the pages stuck together… asking for a friend
3
I don’t want to go all “Silent Spring” (*) but it is worrying this year the lack of bees, wasps, ladybirds and all manner of insects in the garden. This is probably due to the number of people who either concrete over their front garden as “drives” or the number of short term residents who use the garden to through old fridges, matresses, duvet’s and such in the front garden. We need the bees to pollinate fruit flowers and vegetables even in Kahns London
(* Silent Spring” was the first “green” eco book, published in 1962 by Rachel somebody or other). Predates Richard Mabey by a decade.
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“throw” not through, what a daft old cunt I am. One house a few doors away has an old discoloured lavatory pan in the front garden – where it has been nearly all this year.
4
Speaking of Khan’s Caliphate:
https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/36170025/asylum-seeker-raped-girl/
Also called Khan. Do you think they might be related?
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I bet that adds a unique charm to the neighbourhood, W. C.
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I hope it hasn`t been recently used, Boggsy.
😷
2
Seven day trial, why bother wasting time and money when a bullet in the head would do the trick (actually two bullets, one for the other fucking Khan)
2
I am just surprised, given the ethnicity of the tenants that they have not put a little modesty screen around it and let people use it for 25 pence a time. Paper 5 pence a sheet
3
I remember the summer of 76, millions of them. Squished many just walking about…🐞
7
Think your thinking of Bay City Roller fans.
6
I was in Blackpool the same year with the family and they seemed to be attracted to yellow cars.
5
My garden was full of ladybird nymphs, they eat aphids. Obviously when they grew up, they did fuck off to the beach. Only seen a couple of the adult “personbirds”.
5
This is how it works according to various ‘experts’.
Because of climate change, which is caused by poorly educated white people (excluding those who went to university) the unseasonably warm weather means we will see a sharp increase in the amount of insects this year.
There are a worrying number of deniers, mostly far right, who claim that experts said, a couple of years ago, that unseasonably warm weather would decimate insect populations.
This is clearly untrue, and anyone found checking previous articles from the likes of the BBC on the internet will feel the full force of the law.
On the subject of the BBC, it’s very own Verify team have fact checked this story and their lead fact checker, 24 year old university graduate, Penelope, has confirmed that it is all irrefutably true.
Penelope has a wealth of experience on all aspects of life, and mummy and daddy say she’s very, very grown up.
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The yankie biscuit seems to be more of a nuisance than anything.
2
Cookies?
🍪
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That is true snigger-snigger. The stupid, fucking, cunts tend to fuck up our language and others, because they haven’t one of their own. Daft bastards.
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That is true ss. The stupid thick fucking cunts tend to fuck up our language and others, because they haven’t one of their own. Daft bastards.
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One observation is during the summer nowadays there is definitely less insect splatter on the car than years ago. Not global warming, more likely to much pesticide spraying by Starmers poor farmers…🪲
4
Much more concerned about the other invasion.
5
Every year in the UK circa 200 people are injured by ladybirds.
Theu are highly aggressive when nesting and can break a mans leg with a swipe of its wing.
If one charges you your meant to run away in a zigzag pattern,
Always facing towards them as otherwise theyll see you as prey and pounce on your back.
If bitten try to suck out the poison.
Or get a registered sucker to do it.
3
I’ve seen them swarm and kill an XL Bully dog and its owner when they tried to save it.
Terrible. Some things just stay with you for life.
4
Yeah.
Like my chlamydia.
2
Morning Sam.
Mrs Odin uses water that has had chunks of orange and lemon steeping it for a couple of days to spray her plants.
Keeps the greenfly, aphids and fruit gnats away.
Better than using nasty chemicals.
7
Forget the oranges.
Get her to use a heap of lemon peel and steep that in vodka.
Give it a few weeks to infuse then add a little water and sugar.
A few glasses of limoncello and you won’t give a fuck about the greenfly.
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Morning TAC.
I tend to take half a bottle of vodka with me when mushroom picking.
Pick those liberty caps, stuff them in the bottle and you have a handy hallucinogenic pick Me up for the rest of the year!
4
If you roast those citrus in spices first you can make a chinotto infusion to kill those italian Coccinellas
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Empty tin (beer, pepsi or likewise) filled with petrol will keep most bugs away. Drives them bongo.
Especially good for wasps or hornets.
0
I wonder why they’re all going to the beach? Not exactly laden with greenfly is it?
3
Having nothing better to do, I sat in the garden the other day and noticed one of these silly cunts on a flower stalk.
It went to the top, turned around, then went back to the bottom. Then it turned around, and went back to the top again. Then it turned, and went back to the bottom…
I thought ‘eat some fucking whitefly, you stupid little twat. Waste of space.
Morning all.
5
Must check, is sniggering not allowed ?
2
In our forest we grow vast numbers of aphids and vast numbers of ladybugs
For some reason when they age in the autumn they climb up the tallest object to die, here that is the fire lookout tower
In the spring when the watcher goes up to prepare he has to push on the hatch hard to lift it owing to the deposit of dead ladybugs on top of it. So he gets in with five kg of ladybugs down his shirt collar and then Sweeps out the other hundred kilos of insects. Ugh
1
Ladybirds are subject to a wasp parasite, Dinocampus Coccinellae, which lays an egg inside it. When hatched the wasp keeps the host alive in a zombie state while gradually consuming it from the inside, finishing with consumption of the genitalia.
Could we not inject migrants on arrival with something similar?
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