Now they are not all cunts, but really.
I am beginning to believe that the industrial revolution is a hoax, and the large cities and towns were in fact built by aliens.
I base this opinion on my experience of supplying the building industry with tools and materials for a good few decade’s.
So where do I start.
Planning, do they plan do they fuck almost the day before they start, they order the materials to build said dwelling and expect next day delivery.
Planning again! We deliver 5 tons of building sand and the next thing you know, they need more immediately, now you would imagine that as the pile decreased and the building did not enlarge, they would think to order more before they scraped of the ground and decided that they needed more sand.
Specials, now these are bespoke products that have been made for you…no one else, you gave the quantities and specs, and they have been made for you! We won’t buy them back they are yours, so you fuck up it’s your problem, whether it be a door a window a roof tile or a sodding radiator!
Work ethic now today we were forecast rain, we did have rain, the equivalent to a greenhouse mister! Have I seen a builder? Have I fuck, there is sodding tumbleweed blowing round the yard!
Its either to hot, to wet, to cold hence my belief that aliens may have in fact caused the industrial revolution.
Lastly pricing, now I live local, I live in a council flat and have an old, fucked Volvo and yes when I walk the dog by the posh pubs, I see them in there with their £6 pints and their range rovers.
Even more annoying is their fucking costa coffee mugs when they turn up in the shop, quite happy to buy overpriced coffee but will quibble the price of every screw or brick they want to buy.
Any way someone has fucked the economy and I am seeing more DIY ers than builders so the general public are busy breaking their most high value purchases right now, so they will be busy in a few years time.
Nominated by Lord Benny Link by Sam Beau.
That takes me back to Yosser’s wall.
Gizza job.
I can do that.
6
If using a builder theres certain things to look out for
ALWAYS use someone with a irish brogue and no fixed address
Always pay upfront
Dont get planning permission,
Youll definitely get it retrospectively.
And feel free to change the plans part way through,
Builders are nothing if not versatile and enjoy a challenge.
17
Try getting a builder on Tuesday after Storm Florid wreaks havoc on the country tomorrow. No chance.
So to avoid the worst of it remember the Met Office’s advice – don’t open a door during the storm.
Leave the house through a window.
14
Knowing how the Met Office likes to turn every event into one of the Plagues of Egypt, it’ll be more like Storm Flaccid.
19
They have already dropped the ⚠️ for Tuesday, other than scotchland it will be stiff breeze and a few drops of rain on Monday.
9
Younger and her hubby have been for Sunday dinner. They were laughing about this!
How much more can the infantalise people? I saw a news squib about not drying your clothes outdoors if you get hay fever, because you’ll bring pollen indoors on your clothes.
I suppose then, that we’re supposed to wear PPE with a respirator when nipping out for a pint of milk then?
Give me strength! It’s a fucking wonder anyone survived childhood!
7
When I was a kid we lived in west Africa.
Ever heard of mango fly? we called it Tumbu fly, well this fucker lays its eggs on wet clothes or fir and a lovely little magot then imbeds itself in your flesh.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=srSg5QJh-68&rco=1
so all clothes are either ironed or go through the tumble drier!
fuck hay fever!
2
Dimwit Angela Raynor will be left with no option but to employ builders from the planet Alderaan if she wishes to see her dystopian vision of the Yoookay come to fruition.
Million and a half new gaffs for assorted Afghan nōnçes and other freeloading vermin by the end of the decade?
It’ll take some doing but I can’t see it.
Why the fuck would any aliens from another galaxy wish to visit this hell hole?
12
The did, took one look and fucked off. The crop circles are “WARNING, KEEP AWAY” signs.
9
Have something built you can make a profit from, such as a Wendy house.
6
Disappointed with the link provided by Sam, I thought she might have given us a builders bum.
https://share.google/PgJhA7z5IgKbf67Hs
7
I`m sure they`re all very familiar with tools, Sicko.
🧱
6
I’m looking on the bright side.
Most tradesmen in Modern Britain seem to have quite an alarming hashish habit,which I assume has led to His Lordship’s nomination..
Which makes me think these new homes will be of appalling quality..
Which,if we assume a large proportion will be gifted to foreign rubbish,will lead to a hopefully significant rise in collapsing walls,electrocution and other household calamities of great severity.
Its also worthwhile considering these Jerry built shanty town houses will all have heat pumps and dreadful insulation,increasing the strain on the National Grid and Mad Eds windmill policy,not to mention sky high energy bills for the proud owners.
Sounds positively delightful.
14
Very valid point, we had the fuzz do a community aware day here.
Offering advice on van security and site security.
That was a very slow day, word got out that the fuzz were on site and a customer footfall plummeted!
0
Apprenticeships are the way to go, but what kid would want to do one in the UK?
Too much like hard work with little pay.
It’s much better to be an influencer or rapper.
My builders are Estonian.
They are not far out of their 20’s but they have been taught well.
Their attention to detail is amazing.
Not cheap, but who wants cheap anyway?
7
It’s always worth paying a few more quid for a guarantee of quality craftsmanship.
I don’t understand folk, who can afford it, still go with the hundred quid cheaper (and often the least accomplished tradesman) option in order to basically penny pinch.
It’s one thing scrimping on aesthetic stuff like flooring or painting but to deliberately scrimp on something like roofing, is basic cuntishness
5
Humanity might return when Greggs and Costa go the way of the British Home Stores and Woolworths, and “influencers” are shown up for the lazy, greedy bleeders they are. Till then it’s Kweer & co and gimcrack Britain.
9
ask Fawlty for his recommendation 😆….Basil, Basil, BASIL 🗣️
3
I’m increasingly convinced peak civilisation in this country occurred during the Victorian era. Just look at any rural humble railway bridge for starters. The brickwork! Calculated before cad/cam, computer aided anything, yet so precise. Still around today.
Been going steadily down hill ever since in all aspects
12
Absofuckinglutely Norfuck …
And all built without any ‘elf and fuckin’ safety/
7
The builders I used were a great set of blokes.
Even cleaned up after themselves.
I kept them happy with mugs of tea, coffee and biscuits.
Got to keep good tradesmen happy.
Fairly expensive, but did a good job. Sometimes you do get what you pay for.
Miles better than the cowboy her next door hired to do some work.
Harvey Price, given a few acid tabs and blind folded with a pair of boxing gloves on could have done a better job than that nobber.
Handyman indeed!
6
What kind of biscuits?
6
I usually provide KitKats, chocolate digestives, a selection of plain for tea/coffee dunking, and multiple rounds of bacon/sausage butties, although strictly speaking they aren’t biscuits.
8
That’s very good of you JP but you do still time their toilet breaks and count the sheets on the loo roll and then ask for it to be knocked off the final bill right?
6
Bleedin ell JP!
Id be there all day.
I think Harolds either a custard cream or a Bourbon man?
3
Glad you asked MNC
I was going to string you along and say it was those pink wafer granny biscuits, but you might think I was a wrongun.
Usually, Kitkats, penguins, chocolate digestives, custard creams, bourbons.
My personal favourites are the Fox’s milk chocolate rounds
I also like ginger nuts with a decent cup of tea.
1
To be fair you probably already think I a wrongun as it is with my sometimes interesting taste in music!!
1
Nahh dont think that at all.
But i DO enjoy teasing you about it😁
0
I of course give them a menu to choose from and bake whatever theu choose.
1) ginger and raisin cookies
2) chocolate and vanilla (Madagascan obviously)
3) honey and pecan
Least i can do for seamus and Mick.
4
Once years ago an old dear even cooked me some rabbit stew and I had it outside in the sun for my lunch. I used to get regular slices of cake from peoples kids birthday parties too
3
Perks of the job eh?
Biscuit, cakes, pies, had fish n chips bought me at the seaside (Bournemouth) even bottles of whisky.
Never have a brew off them though.
They always make it too milky.
3
Fish and chips and whiskey? That’s next level stuff!
It all works its self out in the end. I found a Chanel watch on someone’s drive I was at yesterday when I was packing up and knocked on his door and asked if it was his. Poor bloke has early alzheimer’s and I think it may have been his late wife’s. I should have asked for a fish supper, going rate for removals in Stockport so I hear.
2
Good man 👍
Find jewellery quite often,
My labourer found some womans engagement ring once shed been searching for it everywhere,
=never thought to look under the sofa.
And find sex toys😁
And once gay porn with some shitty undercrackers 🤮
3
build start, hob nobs!
it will stay like that unless you fuck up.
when you get Ritch tea, you know you are in the shit and you will normally be fired before the water biscuits come out
1
An observation to end the evening..!
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2025/05/24/heading-for-economic-ruin-no-political-party-can-stop-it/
2