is a cunt.
There’s always one!
Say hello to Bhoomi Chauhan.
Anytime there’s a disaster, there’s always at least one cunt who goes yapping to the press with their ” I missed death by seconds/minutes/ two yards” story.
It’s like when that submersible imploded, the number of people who claimed they were supposed to be on board was ludicrous, to the extent that there would have been eleven folk in a space intended for four.
Anyway, despite 240 passengers and an unknown number on the ground dead as a result of the Air India plane crash, and many others injured, the BBC News chose to publish this article about a publicity seeking nonentity, who missed being on board the flight due to heavy traffic.
Go by a lottery ticket, because you’re a lucky cunt, but spare us your non-tragedy tale, loads of people weren’t on the flight love, you’re not special.
Nominated by Jeezum Priest.
Apologies, O/T, but they just can`t help themselves, can they?
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/c1mzpgn5727t
It`s just part of their culture.
🍉🚬
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🐓
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“Families of Flight 255 victims wait 26 years to hear sole survivor speak”.
Another 1-passenger-survived air crash.
A 4 y.o. child who was orphaned by the event.
Meanwhile, forehead-splodge there was noticewhoring before the fire was even fully out, about NOT being anything to do with it whatsoever, once she had been tardy enough to not factor-in enough time to be ON time for a flight. In 2025.
In case anyone else is interested :
https://www.michiganpublic.org/arts-culture/2013-05-17/families-of-flight-255-victims-wait-26-years-to-hear-sole-survivor-speak
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” i could of been in any number of multi vehicle pile ups”….
Mm. You mean CAUSED dont you?
Peering over the steering wheel admiring the Christmas lights that have turned red,
Classic mr Magoo.
https://youtu.be/t8GTHXTEvIc?feature=shared
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Cheeky bugger!
I haven’t been behind the steering wheel of any kind of vehicle, not even a dodgem car, for 12 years, not since I was a passenger in a car that got totalled by a DAF truck.
For months, I couldn’t even get in a car. Then only in the back seat, and I’ve had travelled in the boot if I could have.
Still, the compo paid for a lovely fitted kitchen with appliances, so it wasn’t all bad.
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Mind you, fair do, my eyesight is now so piss poor that I wouldn’t drive anyway, even if I had the courage to do so. I’d be dangerous to other road users.
Doesn’t stop me screaming ” you utter fucking wanker” out of the passenger window when some knob performs a sketchy manoeuvre.
My girls call me Hyacinthe ( Bucket), and make comments like
” Oh, watch out for that ocean going liner, dear!”
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😂Heehee
Ive gotten really good at noticing drivers who might be trouble JP.
The dodderer, the constantly switching lanes, the dont indicate when changing lanes etc
And do my best to put as much distance between us as possible.
Once on the way home from down south (Bournemouth? Torquay? Cant remember )
And there was a car with a load of young girls in it.
One doing her hair in the back,
Driver constantly turning around to talk to the passengers
Laughing, joking…
And weaving in and out of her lane.
I said to my labourer
” shes a fuckin liability.
Soon as I can ill get past her.”
We came off a junction with a roundabout and two directions to two separate motorways.
The lights changed and she raced forward and BANG!! 💥
Black SUV righr into the side of them.
Sending her mangled car spinning near my van.
I didnt stop to help.
Id of blocked the slid road making traffic build up.
I also had well over a 100 miles to get home.
I drove around her and fucked off.
Not very gallant i know but if i had itd be the next day id be getting home and all because of some moronic little twats bad driving.
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I wouldn’t have stopped either. What could I have possibly contributed?
Apart from blocking the road even more. It’s not like you’re a paramedic, is it?
They all have dash cams, and there’s more CCTV in the UK than anywhere else in the world. The police would have contacted you if they needed a statement.
Don’t get involved, is my motto.
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Thats how i saw it JP.
What could i do?
Make it worse taking the piss and sarcasm.
Naw, had enough on her plate.
Brief musical interlude in honour of our beloved chancellor.
Cheers the fuck up Rach👍
https://youtu.be/qLC9o_unLq4?si=4erXWltBXPAocIes
Ps
Probably the best voice in music.
Carlos the Jackal. 😎
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Sends shivers up the spine!
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A couple of black bastards pushed there way past me whilst waiting in a queue for tickets in a coach trip. It went flying off the edge of a cliff. All passengers killed. I still hate the cunts.
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Their ! Silly twat.
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I missed the Titanic sinking by a paltry 40 odd years before I was born. Any takers for my near miss.
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See, that’s what I’m talking about!
Well done, BB.
If you’d like to sign up for a no win, no fee compensation claim, please email dodgylegal@youretakingthe piss.com
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I came seconds and 40 years from setting foot on the Hindenburg.
I break into a cold sweat thinking about it.
How jammy was that!!
Reason i dont allow balloons at family parties
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If the Titanic didn’t sink, not a single cunter that currently cunts would exist.
Nor practically, if not completely, anyone else on Earth. There’d have been and would be billions of alternates, but shit would be unrecognisable for the most part, as such.
I could extrapolate in detail but I won’t. (You’re welcome).
Cause and effect, in a nutshell.
But if you enjoy life/existing, … then you should be delighted what happened to it happened to it the way it all went down. (pun by accident).
I was *extra* unpopular for a while sometime around 1998, when the big movie came out … 😅
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Sample conversation, late 1998
“oh, we went to see Titanic last night. Wasn’t it AWFUL what happened to it”…
“I’m glad it sank”… 😎
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That is the kind of random conversation I love overhearing.
You’re ” wtaf did I just hear?”
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While back my elderly mam and dad were out shopping,
A news team were out asking Joe Public about the middle East and Palestine.
They made the mistake of asking my dad.
” They should nuke it.
Problem solved.
Why don’t they nuke it?”
He didnt make the final edit surprisingly 😂
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Excellent stuff, MNC.
My ferocious mother was similar.
The last time she ever went back to her home town of Hastings, I asked her if she was looking forward to seeing it again.
“Not really,” she said, pointing out that she’d seen a news report a couple of weeks previously where a darker-skinned gentleman was seen “galavanting down the promenade” and she, presumably quite correctly, assumed that the whole town was taken over by “those horrid brutes”.
Which, to be fair, was anyone darker than lilly white!
She didn’t much like the darkıes, my old dear.
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Reminded me of what I think is my very favourite line from the Young Ones, Jeezum.
Rik, to Mike, about Neil who has just exited the scene.
‘God I hate him. He’s a drip. A bore. AND a bloody evesdropper’
Neil sticks his head through a nearby bush …
”I heard that, Rik”
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😁👍
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That was a highly articulate outburst, Cuntemall.
“Bloody bloody!”
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Nice callback there Thomas, you old lovable middle-class eccentric…
I wonder if the next generation of cunters will be recalling entire scenes from your not so secret crush Rosie’s new (recently mentioned here) sitcom verbatim in 35 to 40 years time?
And if so, .. at regular communication speed, or slo-mo … 😁
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I’ll bet Rosie ‘sugar flavoured snot’ Briers’ sitcom will help us reach hitherto unknown levels of hilarity, right up there with Miranda falling over some carefully placed empty cardboard boxes.
We’ll thank God we wore our corsets.
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Afternoon Arfur –
Good stories. I enjoyed that. I can also concur. All these Indian outsourcing companies all follow the same business model. They hire thick-as-pig-shit street urchins for a few rupees a week, then pass them off to their customers as “consultant” level resources. With a price tag to match. My employer has outsourced IT operations to just such a bunch of clowns and the support is abysmal. They basically wing it and make stuff up as they go along. They are the most incompetent, unprofessional and blatantly dishonest bunch of cunts I have ever had the misfortune to encounter.
Blatantly dishonest you say? Surely not you say.
Au contraire!
I’ll give you 2 examples, then make up your own mind.
#1. They’ll come up with (read : invent) a statement of work (SOW) for something and quote 80 billable hours. I’ll review the SOW and conclude the work could be done in 5 to 10 hours tops. They pull this shit all the time because in most cases they know the SOW will not be reviewed by someone who actually knows what they’re doing, so they’ll get away with it.
#2. An incident occurs (e.g. a sever goes down) and there’s a Service Level Agreement (SLA) which stipulates their response time and time to resolution. If they exceed the time to resolution, there are financial penalties for them. Because they’re ignorant scum, they can’t always resolve the problem within the SLA time limits, so they’ll close the support ticket and open a new one for the same issue, thus resetting the time to resolution to give themselves more time to figure it out.
Voila – blatantly dishonest.
And what does management do? FUCK ALL. And why is that? Because they don’t want to draw attention to their decision to hire these cunts in the first place. They were hired not because they’re good, but because they’re cheap (compared to US based outsourcing companies). So criticising them, slagging them, pointing out their ineptitude only serves to highlight management’s poor decision making. And we can’t have that now, can we?
Cuuuuuuuuuuts!!!!
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I missed being in umpteen tragic accidents due to my fathers withdrawals when humping my old mum because they couldn’t afford have anymore children due to poverty.
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Growing up in poverty is terrible Sammy.
We didnt have a on suite bathroom!!
And our table wine was always cheap sauvinon blanc 73.
And at birthday parties we never had a magician.
Not one off tv anyway.
Just some Paul Daniels understudy.
We had it hard.
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David Mitchell threw a nice line out on a panel show one particular night. Lee Mack was taking the mick about Mitchell having a posh upbringing, at Christmas …
‘I imagine you all stood around in your formal wear after gifts … bit of bucks fizz as ye waited for the staff to serve up dinner…’
Mitchell interjects ‘no, no .. we never hired a band for Christmas’ …
Point : Mitchell, I thought …
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Have you told anyone about Debbie McGee and the frozen turd dildo, MNC?
I reckon I must’ve told the youngsters at work at least 15 high quality lies so far this week.
Remembering how all the lies interconnect is quite a challenge…like a London cabbie learning ‘The Knowledge’, one’s hippocampus is forced to adapt.
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Yeah, i have, but it hasnt come back to me yet.
It will sooner or later.
Got my mates Bike show coming up soon ill bring it up again in the
Pub. 😁
If i get a knock from Debbies legal team yor still going to pay for my legal defense right?
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If she kicks off, you can always offer to pay her in kind…she’s probably missing the auld slap head and could do with an Englishman’s tinkle up her fanny…probably be best to make sure she gives it a quick rinse in the sink first, mind.
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Clarify a minor point for us, Thomas?
In ”probably be best to make sure she gives it a quick rinse in the sink first, mind”… were you casting aspersions about Debbie’s fanny, or Mis’s tinkle … ?
I’m sorry to ask, but it reads both ways …. 🤔
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Don’t Hindus believe in reincarnation? Its not a bad idea I suppose as Indian traffic rules are more of a suggestion so Bhoomi is probably on borrowed time anyway.
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I also missed that flight, I was at home in the UK.
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