Are cunts.
The wife’s going out tonight with her pals, so earlier on she got me a Pukka steak and kidney pie for my tea.
Now please be advised that if you’re considering buying one at any time, the box will promise you ‘layers of crispy puff pastry, minced kidney and tender steak; a rich gravy, and prime cuts of meat’. It will also feature a piece of a sliced open pie, packed with what look like mouth watering chunks of steak.
Prepare yourselves for disappointment however. What you’ll get is most likely what I got; a gravy and cardboard pastry pie. Inside the hard but brittle casing I found a nasty thick sludge with what I think was a little shred of kidney. Of those succulent pieces of meat pictured on the box there was not a trace. Not a fucking sniff.
As you may imagine, this disgusting mess was quickly consigned to the bin, and I rustled up egg, beans and chips with toast instead, but not before I fired off a salvo to the makers of this rubbish, telling them exactly what I thought of their nasty shit. It won’t gain me anything, but at least it helped to lower my blood pressure.
Pukka Pies? More like Fukka Pies, the robbing cunts. Yuk! Caveat emptor!
Nominated by Ron Knee.
M&S steak pies are delicious 😋 bit pricey but packed full with tasty large chunks of beef 🍖
8
Ill have 3.
Thanks Jill.
Nice of you to offer.
9
Think Jills pies are rather hairy MIS
4
Used to call them Puker pies back in the day.
Also Hare pies since there was fuck all in them
5
OT but some silly tart is awaiting sentence for allowing her ten-year-old to drive her car. Now, our elder drove my 2.9 Granada at ten years of age. However it wasn’t on the public highway and I didn’t film it and post it on Facebook! Fuck me!
7
Did anyone mention that pukka is slang for excellent, superb,or of high quality. They haven’t a leg to stand on for large pay outs. Good job you’re safe Ron under your pseudonym, where Pukka Pies are concerned.
2
They sell 60 million pies a year in the UK. 60 fucking million. I’ve never had one yet.
£85 million annual turnover with £3.6 million profit.
At least their meat isn’t Halal, by the sounds of it possibly because there’s not enough meat to certify.
Sooner or later they were going to come to the attention of someone who demands more from a pie.
Enter fine dining reporter of the year Mr Ron Knee.
3
What ho Sick.
I think I might give Jill’s tip on M and S pies a follow up. I don’t mind paying a bit more if there’s some actual meat in the thing.
Fukka Pies are absolute shit.
0
Bit of poetry
Ahomely girl named Anne
Just couldn’t get a man
Her mother told her
“Darlin’ don’t you cry.
You’ll knock ‘em down like skittles
With some farinaceous vitals
You’ll always get a guy with a pie
Butter, sugar, flour,
Keeps ‘em in your power
When physical attractions run awry;
Start rolling out the dough
And he’ll never let you go
Yes you’ll always get a guy with a pie.
When rules of engagement don’t apply,
And your best meals fail to catch his eye,
Bring on the custard
And he’ll be keen as mustard
Yes, you’ll always get a guy with a pie.
When a man finds a mate
He can gain a little weight
Yes, I’ve been there and I can testify;
I used to be a rake, then she began to bake
Yes, you’ll always get a guy with a pie
What else you gonna do
With that left-over stew
And those cuts of meat you can’t identify?
Ingredients of this sort
Just taste better under shortcrust
You’ll always get a guy with a…
I spy with my little eye
Something beginning with…oh aye
You’ll always get a guy with a pie.
John Cooper clarke
1
The pathetic picture of the pie was fortunately only half full or half empty, whichever way you look at it, in the sense of whether it made you ill or not.
0