The fat lipped fat tongued hypocritical oxygen thief has had many well deserved cuntings but here he is in the news once again, This time for being caught with his pants down with far too much salt in his eponymous ready meals.
Self proclaimed healthy eating enthusiast and cause of the sugar tax which ruined my beloved Irn Bru as well as pushing prices up for any tolerable fizzy drink caught bulking out his bland ready meals with salt to hide the lack of flavour.
Naturally, anyone who buys these ready meals is also a cunt and deserves the same slug like salty demise as their anti turkey twizzler hero.
Nominated by: Cunt of the Isles
Caught with his pants down… Salty food.
Cunts been caught cracking one off into meals for school children… Pukka!
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You would think a fat slug like Jamie ” girls name” would be wary of high salt levels.
I wonder if the whale tongued twat has paid back all his creditors over the failure of his garbage restaurant chain?
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Ps cunt of the isles.
https://irn-bru.co.uk/products/1901
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No not 1p
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Go easy on him, Cunterati.
The poor pukka fucker has recently discovered he has dyslexia (with the help of a fee off Channel 4) …
https://www.patoss-dyslexia.org/news/jamie-oliver-unpacks-dyslexia-in-a-powerful-channel-4-documentary
… which is why he became a cook.
🍌
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He did think about a career as a stand-up comedian before becoming a TV cook Sam, but always punch up the fuck line.
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I hope his dyslexia is terminal.
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The thing about dyslexics is they think they’re suffering from dyspepsia.
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Is that his excuse for spitting over everything he makes. Blokes a cunt.
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Even Oliver Twist told him to shove his shite.
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I wouldnt eat anything that dirty fucker had touched.
He drools and gozzes in everything and I suspect he fiddles with his knackers and doesnt wash his hands.
Hes just a dinner lady with down syndrome.
Get the salt and the sugar back in foods, and the yummy preservatives and E numbers.
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He really kneads the dough, though:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/clyg7wz7gz1o
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With my hands being fucked by the rheumatoid arthritis, I can only make simple healthier foods and rely on some ready meals. I came across the Gym Kitchen ones from the local shop. Avoiding red labels on others also helps.
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Me too, Sammy, plus cooking for one isn’t much fun.
By the time I’ve finished chopping, peeling, slicing and dicing I’ve quite lost my appetite.
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Afternoon Jeezum,
I Fast a lot and eat a lots of fruit.
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Your Johnny Weissmueller and I claim my £5.
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Im a better cook than jamie.
Chuck a load of butter in thats the key.
And no saliva jamie.
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He would mess with gravy too if he could Mis, a culinary vandal.
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Yes thats just the sort of despicable thing hes capable of LL.
He cant make gravy.
Hes not truly Bisto.
Hes not full Oxo.
Hes a red wine jus type.
Drooly Andrews.
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Anyway, Jamie Oliver a fucking hypocrite?
Who’d have thought it!
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Become a soldier, defend your country. Then get hung out to dry by politicians..or end up sleeping rough.
Or :
Become a fucking “cook”…!
https://www.celebritynetworth.com/richest-celebrities/richest-celebrity-chefs/jamie-oliver-net-worth/
What a lovely place this is to be..💩
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Correction
The Daily Mail would like to apologise unreservedly to Jamie Oliver for an inaccurate headline in yesterday’s Mail. The headline implied that Mr Oliver’s ready meals were high in salt, and we accept that we should not have made this assertion. Instead, the headline should have read:
Jamie Oliver hits back at claims his ready meals are ‘dangerously’ high in shit.
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Jamie Oliver’s kids are fucking ugly.
That is not something I’d normally say or write, or indeed normally think about.
But the spastic cunt decided to plaster their gaping fizogs all over the inside cover of his shitty cook book, that some clueless relative ‘gifted’ to me one sorry Christmas long ago.
So he has only himself to blame for my comment.
And their ugly faces.
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Hes got to live with the demise of Turkey Twizzlers.
Thats Valentines day ruined.
Washed down with Sunny Delight.
Magnifico 👍
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Ay up Mis, hope you’re well.
There was more flavour in those twizzlers than anything imagined up in his piss-poor book, I can vouch.
The book in question was called ‘5 ingredients’.
Turns out, it was about 3 or 4 too few.
The silly cunt thought he was doing us all a favour as 5 ingredients makes it ‘super-tasty and minimum fuss’.
But every other recipe needed something like creme friache.
Whatever the fuck that is.
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Aye up Mickey 👍
Creme fraise?
Thinks french for creme eggs.
Thats his 5 ingredients
Saliva
Olve oil
Creme eggs
Garlic
Chili peppers
The Rotter
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Apparently though, MBE, salt, pepper, oil, condiments in other words, aren’t ingredients!
And yet, every recipe in the book mentions them, including the raspberry pavola probably, but I never looked beyond the third section, disengeuous twat that he is.
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Oliver has got a touch of the Gresta’s about him, hasn’t he. A bit mòngy, a bit pãlsy. Like his face has slightly melted. Have his kids inherited his Greta features?
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and not one of the ugly likkle fuckers even looks like him?
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Rip out his whale tongue and shove it up his rectum.
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Jamie,jamie.
Jamie and his magic lisp.
Down to downing Street to ban Turkey twizzlers.
Maybe some free publicity for my restaurant..
Jamie,Jamie.
Jamie and his mockney patois.
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“Cor blimey guvnor apples and pears” mockney prick.
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His poor kids. They’re called Poppy Honey Rose, Daisy Boo Pamela, Petal Blossom Rainbow, Buddy Bear Maurice and River Rocket Blue Dallas.
Him and his simpering bucket-fannied wife ought to have been visited by social services for cruelty calling the kids those idiotic names.
Modern kids need to be called cool names to avoid pisstaking.
At least according to my two sons, Humphrey Marmaduke and Cuthbert Erasmus.
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My kids Doodlebug Dibnah and Halfbrick Donkeydong like their names.
Nowt wrong with weird names.
Distinguished innit?
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When we had an Empire 🇬🇧. There weren’t any people like Jamie Oliver.
Fat tongued , lisping whelps used to be subjected to five minutes of underwater gurning in a wooden bucket.
Then thrown on the shit cart 🛒
Now, we have no Empire, but we do have loads of these spluttering dunderheads.
This, in my mind, is no coincidence.
People like Oliver are responsible for our fall from grace.
Hang them all at Tyburn.
The Cunts.
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A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down…
Sang diabetes advocate and Haribo shill Julie Andrews.
Despite calls from the National Union of Dentists for her to face charges for this advice,
Shes never faced a day in court.
Think about that.
Then have a Mars bar.
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Here’s one of my recipes.
This is copyrighted Jamie so no robbin it an claiming you fuckin invented it.
Take one onion.
Then put it back.
Put a large pan on the stove.
Then go chippy.
Fish, chips, peas an gravy,
Season heavily with salt and vinegar.
Go home.
Eat it.
Then dessert.
Banana Angel Delight.
Counts as your 5 a day.
Wash down with a can of John Smiths bitter.
Get the kids, Bubbles bonbon and Fizzy Wilberforce to wash the pots.
Then watch The good the bad and the ugly.
Go bed.
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Which Clint cowboy movie does he flat-out rape that woman in a barn?
High Plains Drifter?
You have a favourite Dirty Harry fillum, MNC?
I like that scene in (I think) the second one, where he blows away all those nıg-nög bank robbers.
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My favourite Clint Eastwood cowboy film?
Either Josey Wales or unforgiven.
Although a fan of all of them.
In the Good the bad and the ugly i thought Eli Wallachs character Tuco was marvelous!
I like when hes being hung and theyre reading out the charges against him..
https://youtu.be/VYOPe14Hsl4?si=GwqBsOFM5uSeRRiH
Brilliant 😁
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That’s a pretty sweet list of charges!
Sounds like when I was in court last year, except they had to add rape and buggery onto my list.
Still can’t believe I only got 6 weeks!
Damned lucky I’m a recently-arrived immigrant.
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A little hidden gem of a spag western for you Mis, and esteemed cunters.
https://youtu.be/VfU_sdsleYg?si=103U9oOouBGUs8Og
Starring Franco Nero and the immense Woody Strode.
I want the soundtrack played at my funeral, as a final fuck you to whichever parasites turn up to pick over my carcass.
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Magnum Force is a fun film,back when films were still allowed to be fun that is.
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The naked chef, being young with a speech impediment got Jamie a long way, an inspiration to many, a very young Rosie Jones must have seen him and thought, ‘if that cunt can get on TV, one day I’ll have my own sitcom.’
His Mrs was a a hottie back then, having a tongue too big for your mouth probably has its compensations for the wife.
One question though, how have you written 38 books over 26 years and only recently been diagnosed with dyslexia? Some cunt must have noticed before now?
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Another celebrity cunt..
Oi fatty, just keep taking the black ribbed knobbler and keep your anti semetic lefty luvvie nose out world events.
About as funny as a dose of syphilis..!
BBC News – Dawn French says sorry for posting ‘one-sided’ Gaza video
https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cgmjdpme470o
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Dawn French’s opinion about anything whatsoever has about as much relevance to things as a bit of 5 day old ant diarrhoea that’s sitting under some 3 day old weevil vomit. Would someone who knows her please tell her that… for her own sake as much as for the general public’s.
Much obliged.
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Its thanks to Dawn French i cant sleep in a Premier Inn nowadays. 😡
I keep imagining her getting the liquorice dibdab off Lenny Henry.
His arse bobbing up and down,
Sending ripples across Dawns corpulent body.
Dawn “oh Lenny my liquorice lover…
Lenny” oooookkkkkaayyyy..”
Dawn” talk dirty to me lenny…
Lenny ” ook, ook, Katanga….
You stink of piss you tub of shite.”
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Todays top comment.
I’ll be laughing about that all evening, CuntemAll.
Kudos👍👍👍
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Who or what the fuck is it?
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This is the same drooling millionaire that shut his “restaurants” with fuck all notice and left the staff without a pot to pisš in.
I may have made that up but he’s a fucking cunt so who cares?
Good evening.
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