Captain Ahmed

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is a cunt.

What a nautical adventure we have here.

Ahmed Ebid,an Egyptian fisherman by all accounts, has just been sentenced to 25 years prison for “people smuggling”….by an English Court, naturally.

Not content with banking millions from the trade in human dross,the swashbuckling Captain was captured by the Italians for drug smuggling and served 5 years for it..

What next for our intrepid Mediterranean pirate you ask?

Why he crossed the English Channel in a dinghy to lodge a “claim for asylum”,which was,of course, left up in the air,so the Captain decided to move to London with his loot.

Cue an expensive international investigation and eventual trial in Britain.

Sounds like a work of a fevered imagination doesn’t it?

But not in Shithouse Britain it isn’t.

Dear me,what a camel fuckîng fiasco.

bbcnews

Nominated by Unkle Terry.

59 thoughts on “Captain Ahmed”

  2. Fucking bastard fucking hell.

    ‘More than 3,000’ … How’s about (a more accurate) ‘almost 4,000’, fucking underplaying bbc again.

    As for the cunt? … £ A grand+ a week plus expenses that cunt is costing to look after going forward. Well north of a million in total.

    I’d sentence him to half an hour in one of these new ingenious ‘Sarco’ pods instead. One with a remote control, instead of manual button though. I’ll hold the remote.

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  4. When I first read this epic saga of skullduggery and disastrous lawfare I double checked it wasn’t April 1st..

    Then I remembered this country is run by abject cunts.

    O v e n.

    The End.

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  5. What gets me is the article says

    “this means he will almost certainly be deported at the end of his sentence.”

    Almost certainly? Why is there even the slightest doubt or question?

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    • Also, payed for by the home office. No, the home office doesn’t have it’s own money.
      Paid for by the tax payer, again.

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      • Why not cut the middle man out and just deport him immediately, saving the taxpayer thousands and reuniting him with the family he was “working” so hard to be with?

      • Because he’d be back in business shipping another few thousand worthlessfilthscum to the western world within weeks, at a guess …

        At that rate, a million quid of taxpayers hard-earned to keep him inside is a bargain.

        Every European woman raped by one of the cunts this guy smuggled, every pensioner mugged beaten or burned to death in their own home (e.g. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.com/news/articles/c3e5wqq523ko.amp. : note the man’s DEATH by immolation left out of the headline, bbc cunts AGAIN!) … by one of the 4,000 cunts this cunt imported .. every single detrimental thing they do and the millions upon millions in costs and damages… he has a hand in.

        Does he care one jot?

        Does he fuck.

        Every cell in every prison should have one of those new suicide pods in them. Make cunts sleep in the fucking things. Hopefully a percentage would decide to activate them, then. Pay for themselves in no time, if that did happen to even 10% ….

      • You may have a valid point, CuntemAll.

        Silly me, I thought I lived in England, not Cairo, Mogadishu, Bangladesh or Romania.

        All those war-torn countries… sigh.

  6. 42 years old?

    BBC Verify need to fact check this.

    I thought this what the average 15yo child migrant looked like.

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  7. Just hang the cunt from the yardarm and display the body in a gibbet at Dover.

    FFS. This is how we should deal with pirates and traitors. Quick, cheap and an entertaining day out for the whole family.

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  8. Cunt played Peter Barlow in the Egyptian version of Coronation Street (Beheading Boulevard or somesuch) and got used to the showbiz lifestyle and so when the role went away, a life of crime called.

    Tragic really

    (In my ‘defence’, I had to use the google to get the character name. Soap operas ? …. for lasses and puffs …)

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  11. The best way to get away with crime, is to be a selfish bastard like my father, by going it alone stealing hundreds of pounds from the shop he worked at. He would rig himself out with expensive clothes, even his underwear were silk according to my mother, whilst we went around in rags. She told us where he hid the money and lied about it being his redundancy from a previous job at Telephone House as a telephonist. We would bring it down from the top shelf of the inbuilt corner cupboard and count the crisp white fivers, then put them back incase he came home and caught us. The shop owner noticed the loss in revenue and call the police, then sent them round to our house. My mother told them, does it look like we have any money. The police left immediately after they’d seen the mess. Mother told us later that father would go to the hills and talk to the sheep about his innocence.

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  12. Fucking oven Unkle Tel.

    This stuff makes me by degree so angry yet so depressed that I really do fear for my health.

    Morning all.

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  13. “Aaahhh shiver me timbers, you swarthy, camel-dung smoking bastards”

    I see the good Capt. securing a multi-million pound book deal poon his release, regaling the reader with his romantic, swashbuckling adventures on the high seas . He’ll be out in ten years with good behaviour.

    Life is a bed of roses for some cunts.

    Get Robert Newton on the case, keel-haul the cunt and let him rest at the bottom of Davy Jones’ locker. “Ahh, Jim Lad, once less filthy sand monkey on these fine islands, ahh”.

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  16. It always beats me how these fuckers are so adept at shithousery in so many things that they don’t put their mind too more lawful pursuits and build up the 💩hole they come from 😡….oh hang on you simple knobend that’d mean working/grafting and honesty 😩😩😩😩😩😩sorry cunters lost my marbles a tad 😵‍💫

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  17. How many of those thousands are now here sponging off us? I imagine he is responsible for costing us taxpayers millions, indirectly, the politicians facilitated the millions. Not sure who I hate more. This bloke is extorting a market that our “liberal” politicians and judiciary created.

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  18. I’m sure cbeebies are looking into making captain ahmeds deeds into a children’s cartoon..

    Ahmed and his crew of swashbuckling heroes fighting the wicked far right of trump and farage..

    Crew members including a malteaser headed Somalian whose always saying I’m the captain. A hook handed pàķi who can’t wipe his own arse. And a brown Scottish inbred who is always claiming the government is too white.

    And smarmy cabin boy called Gary, who pretends he is black to fit in.
    But the crew despise him and bum him vigorously, which he enjoys.

    Titled, Ahmed the worthless parasite..

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    • You jest Barry, but it does have all the ingredients of a classic cbeebies bucket of shit.

      Discovered this trash earlier, with my youngest
      https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m002d7qq

      Not a trace of native in the cast or amongst the carefully selected kiddie guests, which included a black in a hijab – two invasive species for the price of one.

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      • My 8 year old daughter is none too keen on them. Calls them nigglywigglies. I told her to never utter that word outside the four walls of our home.

  19. Cunt should be hung at execution dock, left hanging till three tides have washed over him. Or more likely given a position as paid advisor to the immigration tribunal with access to all benefits.

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  20. Britain,the World Leader in attracting every foreign criminal and outright cunt to its shores for a free house and legal representation.

    The pyramid hugging pirate should have been flogged on arrival then dumped on the very next flight to the festering fucking cesspit that is Cairo.

    All a dream alas.

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  21. Aaaargh me hearty lads,
    Rum all round and all the gold yer can eat.

    A pirates life.
    Good english pasttimes piracy.

    We were known for it.
    Liberating the soft french and the greasy spanish of goods, gold and silver then feeding them to the sharks.

    Marvelous ♥️

    Nice for the spicy twat above to make the effort.
    He should be employed to sink the dinghies.
    Nobody else is trying.

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    • Hang in there, katie price, … for one you must have technically moved up a step on the waiting list, and on top of that, the so-called standard has taken yet another fair hit in the ‘being diluted’ column.

      I also expect some of the online gutter trash tabloids to trawl up rebecca loos for her fascinating opinion on the matter between now and the big day as a big exclusive …

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      • ^ exclusive there at the end needed quote marks to undermine the bastardized to pointlessness word ..

  23. O/t. Rent boys, Old Bailey update. Case adjourned until 27th April 2026. Looks like no bail has been given to the three defendants.

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  29. Great nom.

    I read a book a few years back about Captain Ahmed and his notorious exploits hassling whales, but was unaware of these subsequent chapters delineating his career of evil.

    Little known fact: the book’s author is related to popular singing sensation Moby – a cunt best known for having the words VEGAN FOR LIFE tattooed upon his neck.

    Great-great-great-uncle Herman must be getting pretty fucking tired by now spinning in his grave.

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