I don’t know why Mrs Cunter likes watching this programme.
It’s not like she can grow flowers here.
It’s all palms and cactii for us.
I don’t mind Monty Don, he knows what he is talking about and his dog is obviously A Very Good Boy.
The rest of his team are a different matter altogether.
An ugly black women, a scruffy, unshaven spiv with a speach impediment, a saggy old bag lady and worse of all, a flid.
How she ever got employed as a gardener is beyond me.
She might be very clever with planting small things with her feet but she would be fucked by digging up a tree stump.
I am amazed by the soil in Monty’s garden.
Whenever he has to dig a hole for anything the soil is as soft as shit.
You never see him struggling with hard, compacted ground and finding old roof tiles and bricks buried like in the real world.
Then, like all TV gardeners they come out with the Latin names for plants.
What’s the fucking point?
Nobody is going to write them down or remember them.
I reckon the presenters have to use an autocue as well.
I don’t believe for one minute that they know the Latin for the plants they show.
So why tell us?
You go to the garden centre and say,
“Oi mate, I want half a dozen solanum lycopersicum abracazebra. And don’t try and palm me off with some lycopersicon esculentum. You dodgy cunt”.
As if the minimum wage garden center worker would have a clue what you were on about.
And at the end of the programme Monty gives you your jobs for the weekend.
Pinch out your chrysanthemums.
Pot on your geraniums.
Multch your sweet potatoes.
Yes Monty. Thanks for reminding me. I will get straight on it.
Gardener’s World.
A load of manure.
Nominated by The Artful Cunter.
Gardening is for puffs.
The programme should be renamed Uphill Gardeners’ World.
12
I’d not thought of watching Gardener’s World, but knowing there’s a genuine flid (whose name is Sue Kent) presenting ensures I’ll be watching the next episode with my knob in my hand.
13
I’d not thought of watching Gardener’s World, but knowing there’s a genuine flıd (whose name is Sue Kent) presenting ensures I’ll be watching the next episode with my knob in my hand.
10
It would rather underwhelming if she had it in her hand.
Even though it would probably look massive.
6
Imagine if Elie Simmonds or Rosie Jones gets the gig?
Can you die from masturbation fatigue?
10
Carole Klein is the bit shit crazy bag lady. Enthusiasm is good, but she is over enthusiastic, like Dirty Ange alighting on a big new dick. It feels forced.
I don’t know the rest of their names you mention I know who you mean though – the unshaven bloke sounds like Ronnie O’Sullivan, rough as a badgers arse, there is another one, Joe Swift, with his head encased in a trilby hat, like an effeminate man from the Pru, to avoid showing that he is as bald as a coot, who I suspect is an expert in pansies.
I like Monty, like me he loves dogs and suffers from S.A.D
12
I think Violet’s lady garden will consist of marijuana plants. You’ll be able to have a few puffs on it whilst you’re down there.
7
It probably needs a good trim with the shears.
10
Hey, Geordie, perhaps you know that cretinous twat who blew the house up whilst doing a bit of indoor gardening in your neck of the woods ? …
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c8e6wggw233o
🪴
5
That’s not her’s Sammy. Violet has violated Kew Gardens. Sleeping in the groundsmans hut, under her national flag.
6
I haven’t seen it in ages. Is that cock teaser Rachel de Thame still on? I might be inclined to watch it again if she had a go with one of these:
https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlypenis/comments/1ap2qom/this_nepenthes_pitcher_plant_is_one_veiny_boi/
7
Naaaah…
There’ll never be another like Charlies Dimmock. Absolute stunner.
https://www.nottinghampost.com/news/celebs-tv/charlie-dimmock-words-weight-gain-8556969
6
Christ Ron,I’ve just had me tea.
Have you been conniving with Cunt Engine?
Nowt good will come of it you know.
Thank you.
8
That’s a big old unit
2
Strapping lass is Charlies
1
That atypical cast of misfits ticks all the window boxes. Yet more politically driven social manipulation that serves only to inspire me to shout, ‘Fuck off!’ at the mixed-race marriages telly. Fuck off again for good measure, cunts.
15
My late father was a gardener by trade for 30 years. He used to watch Gardeners World just so he could shout at the telly.
One particularly memorable example was an episode he watched, during which one of the ‘expert’ presenters pruned roses.
The old man loudly declared them “Fucking clueless”.
Mind you, he did seem to like that Rachel De Thame bird, whereas I always thought her eyes were too far apart.
Whatever. If it’s a BBC production involving self proclaimed ‘experts’, it’s guaranteed to be a pile of shite.
12
Her ladyship is a keen gardener. Often seen by passers by trimming her prize bush next to the potting shed, or fiddling with her clematis, on the lawn.
17
That reminds me of the famous stage actress of the post war era, Lord S. People used to travel from miles away to see her Fanny by Gaslight.
8
It will be Fanny by L.E.D. light today Geordie, if they did a remake.
7
My mate has an NVQ level three in horticulture. I asked him why all the Latin names for plants and the reason is any horticultural type even if they have no common language can chat and know what the fuck the other one is on about.
9
I worked at Great Mills a lifetime ago and was offered promotion to the gardening/flower dept. Part of the training was to learn all the Latin names of the shrubs etc. Turned the job down. I struggle enuf wiv inglish.
12
Blimey Jill, that’s going back a year or two. There used to be one about half a mile away from where I used to live. Had some cracking deals there refurbishing my first house
4
Is it Gardeners World that “hit the headlines” recently because one of its “ethnic” presenters was convicted of funding terrorism?
Anyway,it was some shite from Our BBC,even if flowers and manure weren’t involved.
Fuck them.
14
I think the was some antiques programme presenter, Unkle.
Still puerile drivel.
12
David Dickinson?
10
It was one Oghenochuko Ojiri, programme “Bargain Hunt.”
11
Bargain Cunt indeed.
13
That show has never been the same since Tim Wonnacott left – he was just like Terry-Thomas, (I say, what an absolute shower)
8
Anyone called fuckin Monty cant teach me a fuckin thing.
My garden is like a acre of heaven,
Years of sweating, digging,plamting, nurturing, ans early morning pilfering.
If the wirehsired twat opened my handmade country cream gate id set the dog on him and pelt him with my victorian cobble sets.
Send him some handpicked flowers as a get well soon gift
9
Sounds similar to my garden, MNC.
A lot of beautiful plants are nourished by feeding them the dismembered remains of the former guests of my love dungeon, mostly offal and bones.
The more succulent parts made their way into the stew currently bubbling in my industrial-sized crock pot.
Should provide alot of bowls of delicious stew that I’ll happily hand out to the unfortunates living at the hostel where I volunteer.
11
Is this you Thomas?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-kqXTNC71c
3
Hell no, GT!
I’m not a ginger.
5
I confess my ignorance on matters horticultural is shameful. I recently mowed a hydrangea which I thought was just some random undergrowth which had taken root. Quite killed the poor thing.
10
Having said that I do greatly appreciate a nice green garden. My wife is the expert and gives me precise instructions on what to do in the way of maintenance. It appalls me to see suburban gardens covered in flagstones or tarmac by their philistine owners.
10
I agree arfur.
I had one customer who had acres of decking all the way around and the lawn area had artificial grass on it with bits of real grass and weeds growing through it because it had started to deteriorate. Him and his Mrs just wanted the decking for sunbathing…in bloody Lincolnshire.
10
That decking is fuckin lethal.
Goes green and slippery as a ice rink.
Rats like nesting under it.
Once went through some rotten decking carrying a sofa if i hadnt had rigger boots on it would of ripped my shins up.
Fuck decking
14
Decking can be lethal if neglected, I’ve slipped a time or two!
The Tikki Hut base is decking. It gets a twice yearly jet wash, after being scrubbed with Jeyes and a stiff yard brush.
Once it’s dry, it gets sprayed with a treatment called Wet’n’Forget. Not cheap but the effect on that ugly green tinge on wooden fencing, decking and paving slabs is astounding, also raised beds and garden sheds.
JPs top tip for today.
Evening all, and cheers! 🥃
5
Cheers JP, that is actually very useful.
IsAC is a font of knowledge….and some bigotry.
4
In all fairness I did use to like a Beer Garden..
Unfortunately most pubs are now utter shite and just look at the price of geraniums.
It’ll all be so much better when everyone’s gardens are filled with Chinese solar panels,heat pumps etc..
Think on that Monty lad when you cash your giant BBC cheque.
7
The wife pays our licence fee (I refuse to have anything to do with it) just to watch that horny handed son of the soil Monty Don, who seems to water the bushes of ladies of a certain age, the cunt.
I like a bit of gardening. I find it relaxing, and the doc says it’s good, gentle exercise when your ticker goes on the blink.
Afternoon all.
12
Jack the Cunter and LL are gardners by trade i think?
A fine past time for any englishman gardening.
Fuckin about in sheds,
Getting dirty
Wearing wellies
Growing food
And showing off at country shows and village fetes
Getting a rosette for your engorged marrow or swollen pumpkin.
And the best thing is blacks cant do it.
13
Not forgetting a maverick disregard for health and safety.
9
Hey LL, remember that billhook?
My mate put a razor edge on it and a hickory handle.
I can see why it was a favoured weapon of english peasants!!
Lethal.
8
Nice one!
Just need an unsuspecting Frenchman to test it out on now.
10
It’s in the blood MNC. It first manifestid itself at an early age.
I was an avid onion grower and won first prize at a local show 👍
But beware !
’tis an endeavour riddled with envy, treachery and downright skulduggery !
People are not beyond carrying out acts of sabotage and spreading filthy rumours and gossip.
I made myself very unpopular a few years ago, by not placing any of the large pumpkins in a mixed class.
Men who grow large vegetables tend to be lacking in the trouser department, and are enraged when they don’t win.
As for Latin names, it positively identifies a plant and avoids mix ups.
A lot of TV gardeners are cunts and are stealing a living.
You know who you are…. LOL
OT….Me and Ethel are deep in Cunt Engine territory, in fairest Wiltshire.
A visit to Devizes today has convinced me that this county has cornered the market in Village Idiots 😲
Everywhere you go they’re bawling, gurning, dribbling and waving their arms like bloody windmill sails.
I’ve rang the Dirlewanger Helpline and been assured that All Is In Hand……
Good afternoon 🌞👍
I gave first prize to some roses and second to some raspberries. I forget what came third
9
They can Mis, as fertiliser after you have shot the cunts.
7
Id not allow Monty who i suspect has a touch of the tar brush about him,
Or that snake eyed cunt Titmarsh anywhere near my garden or allotments.
Only celeb id have on is that big dirty ginger lass Charlie Dogmuck.
We could drink homebrew in the shed
Then i could plough her big angry red axe wound on the compost heap.
Show her my seed drill😁
14
Careful you don’t confuse Chas Dogmuck with Mick Hucknall, Mis.
4
Once ive started im going to finish no matter what.
Mick will just have to start Holding back the tears😭
3
You’d have to lash yourself aboard sir.
She’s a keg on her to rival Big Daddy.
Good luck balancing atop that.
Perhaps a thoughtful Gent would bend her over the lawnmower and plough her “back hoe”.
That’s the spirit.
5
I like AC’s point about digging out roots in hard soil or even just pricking it over, its hard as arseholes at the moment but not on Gardeners’ World apparently.
I find loads of clay pipes from years ago, must have been cheap and disposable for farm labourers and the like. Also the usual roof tiles, bricks, pottery and occasionally bits off a horse harness.
12
When I used to watch it the soil never contained stones, broken glass, weeds, slugs, leatherjackets, even earthworms. It just didn’t ring true. It looked like all the real soil had been replaced with fresh John Innes just for the programme.
10
The fakery of tv land. They’re all at it.
I remember watching Wheeler Dealers where every nut and bolt came undone, even on a 30 year old shitter.
I can see the logic there I suppose. Watching someone drilling out a broken bolt don’t make good telly.
Still doesn’t explain why the GW gardens have to be 4 feet deep in top grade compost though.
7
.. and the (Wheeler Dealers)pretend-haggling over the price at the end of the episode, like the final figure wasn’t prearranged & set in stone with the buyer beforehand.
Pity, cos just once it would have been nice to hear a disgruntled one tell Mike to ‘stick it up his arse’ and walk away …
10
I’d bloody love to’ve been on Wheeler Dealers back in the day, Cuntemall…wonder what their policy would’ve been on going off script?
“…’old owt yer aaand…”
“Fuck off, you lazy fat prick.”
Edd China would have enjoyed it.
8
😄 … another show that after a while y’could only watch prerecorded, pressing ff whenever shortarese was on his tod at all.
Overhaulin’ with Chip Foose (and Adrienne Janic!)had some good episodes in the restoring old cars vein, if you never heard of it..
3
Foose was full-on in the design/work, and Janic pretended to be doing a bit, but unlike Brewer, she was good looking enough to let away with it ….
https://x.com/AdrienneJanic/status/1279502463045791744
3
I always preferred Jessi Combs.
She knew her shit (professional fabricator) and there’s probably no more awesome female death in modern history.
She died doing 550mph whilst capturing the female world speed record:
https://eu.usatoday.com/story/entertainment/celebrities/2019/11/05/jessi-combs-fatal-car-crash-cause-mythbusters-host/4166850002/
3
Indeed.
Worthwhile, as we go, Jessi dead whilst the pooping-in-a-phonebox cunt still draws breath …🤨
***
British Team Bloodhound LSR are looking for a 600mph+ driver currently, Thomas !!
4
They’re full of shit, Cuntemall, the Bloodhound guys.
My company did a fair bit of engineering work with/for them four years ago…bunch of dreamers and prevaricators.
4
I dunno … It sounds like a bag of grapefruits to me! … 😉
3
I’m just going to jump into this corner.
2
My gardening hate is that fake grass shite.
Astro turf, beloved by the feckless, the lazy and the tasteless.
Awful👎
You may as well chuck a piss stained mattress and some old tyres out there and a big sign saying
“Recipient of welfare”
Fuck that stuff.
Its for greengrocers and special needs kids to play on not a Englishmans lawn.
8
Mine is chickens in the garden. Well only one customer thankfully, shit everywhere, scratch up all the grass and lawn mower killing stones from undergrowth.
Plus they have grown so used to the mower they won’t get out of the way until the last possible second. On my dinner plate or in a farmyard is fine, not running around and defiling a pristinely cut lawn though.
7
I’d love to demonstrate the results some of my horticultural and mycological experimentations, but it’s all rather illegal, alas.
One of these years, when pharmaceutical companies can no longer hide the evidence that pure organic cannabis oil can greatly help shrink cancerous tumours and that magic mushrooms can stop the progression of a number of neurodegenerative diseases and the illegality of said compounds is revoked, I’ll be fucking quids in!
6
I’m hoping someone will find a use for bindweed, pharmacological or otherwise.
Then I’ll be quids in.
6
Gardeners World has never been the same since the late Geof Hamilton, he was always making stuff out of pallets etc.
3
Pallets are brilliant arent they?
Useful beyond belief.
Got a pallet buster in the shed for stripping them,
If theyd been around in biblical times that Noah would of built the Arc out of them.
5
Yep Mis.
Always looking in skips for them.
I made some really good shelves out of them, once cleaned up and sanded the wood is quite good quality.
Evening all.
2
Sorry admin for going off topic but just found this
https://www.facebook.com/share/v/163YL4eYph/
5
Wow!
No wonder the bitch in red wants to shout her down.
2
Im not allowed to the garden centre anymore with swmbo as i cant help asking for japanese knotweed, i nearly made her swear once.
4