OK I admit it. I’m an academic snob. I believe that if you don’t have a degree in Computer Science (like I do), then you shouldn’t be working in IT. There, I said it. There are a multitude of reasons for my beliefs, chief among which includes studying computer technology at an advanced and detailed level trains your brain to think in a certain way. You are taught to become very disciplined, analytical, logical and detail orientated. Essential skills to perform well in an environment which absolutely depends upon binary precision. Something either works or it doesn’t. A server is either up and running or it isn’t. Something can either be accessed securely or it can’t. And so on.
Thus, I present 3 concise examples of fuck brained half witted retardedness implemented by people who very obviously have no idea what the fuck they’re doing and yet (presumably) still have jobs in IT.
1. Bank.
My bank launched (badly in my view) a new website recently and introduced Two Factor Authentication (2FA). You know the kind of thing. Enter your username and password, then their system sends you a code via some method, you enter that code and you get logged in. They did this presumably to make access to your account more secure. Great! However, every time you successfully login you’re challenged to either register your device or decline doing so. Registering it means next time you won’t have to navigate 2FA. Hold on, didn’t they introduce 2FA to make logging in more secure? How come you can get around that? Cookies. Yep, register it once, never clear your browser’s cache, cookies or traces of browsing history and you too can login to your bank account less securely. Registering your device, then running a clean up job after you finish browsing (like you’re supposed to because that’s the safe and secure thing to do) has the same effect of not registering your device at all. So you’re asked if you want to register it next time (and every time) you login. Fucking idiots.
2. Accountant.
After preparing my tax return, my accountant’s website allowed me to sign the document electronically. I logged in (username & password but no 2FA), looked at the return which includes all kinds of sensitive information including my Social Security Number (SSN). I signed in 2 places and thought that would be the end of the matter. Nope. Before I could click the Submit button I was challenged for my SSN. The same SSN that was clearly displayed on the previous screen. I clicked the Cancel button because providing the SSN at that stage made zero sense. Nope. Submit won’t work unless you provide the SSN. As insane as that was, I was then challenged to 3 further questions about partial first line of address, then my cell ‘phone area code and finally my zip code. WTF? If the fucking moron who designed this workflow actually had a functioning brain cell, wouldn’t they have positioned these security challenges BEFORE displaying the tax return? If someone had hacked my login account, they already have access to the sensitive information so in what universe does it make sense to make the legitimate account holder answer security questions AFTER the fact? OMG!!! Dear Lord, why is that not obvious?
3. Mortgage Company.
Accessing your mortgage account online should be a safe and secure activity, right? I mean, these cunts know a lot about my finances and have my SSN on file so it makes sense to access their site as securely and safely as possible. Updated browser? Check. Good browser security settings? Check. Complex password? Check. 2FA? Check. VPN? Check. Oh wait…their website doesn’t work if you access it via a VPN. Hold on…they have password complexity rules for security. They employ 2FA for security. But if I have the audacity to encrypt my network traffic via a VPN connection, they don’t allow it? What cunt made that decision and what solid security protocol was that decision based upon? What a dickhead!
So there you have it. Three fine examples of decisions and designs made by people who work in IT who shouldn’t. That’s not to say people with high academic IT qualifications are infallible or people without cannot operate at a high level of proficiency. However, having the formal training and education should go a long way to ensuring you can do the job properly. Hence, I’m willing to bet the fuck-brained decisions and designs referred to above came from people who have neither the education, training, experience, skill or know-how to justify their job titles.
What IT related shit-brained cuntitude have you run into?
Nominated by : Imitation Yank
Well, as Prince George says to Dr. Johnson, who is explaining the finer technical points of his dictionary in Blackadder III, “I’ve no idea what you said just then, but it sounds damned saucy!”
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Good memory there, Ttce… Indeed, may I offer my sincerest contrifibularities …
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Indeed Cuntemall!
I’m anaspeptic, phrasmotic even cumpunctuous to have caused you such pericombobulation.
Blackadder II/III/IV’s entire scripts are seared into my brain.
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It’s all beginning to sound a bit like Dago talk to me …
😁
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Ho ho, I like to say that to my Polish work chums when they butcher an English phrase in an amusing way.
Only in friendly jest, of course.
Their English is usually excellent.
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Admin
Do you have an English translation of this nomination?
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I learnt everything I know about computers and computing from the superb documentary ‘Swordfish’, starring John Travolta. a result, I can access any government security programme, even when having my dick sucked by a hot blonde bird.
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Whose the latest IT girl these days.
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I think they stopped doing that, Sammy. Political correctness and all. The final (therefore eternal) one was/is one dainty little filly name of Dylan Mulvaney, I believe.
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I was one having a laugh, Cuntemail. I think Lana Turner was the last, also the Sweater Girl. If you haven’t heard the latest, the cunt you mentioned is a bloke and always as been. Hope suicides on the cards for that twat after the law now states biological women are the only females since nort plonk.
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oh my! 🤔
Theres an interesting nom in the nom page since 6:30 this morning, Sammy. I don’t think you’re going to like the goings-on that got it written … you might want to sit down before having a look …
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Couldn’t find what you meant. Can you give me the gist of it.
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The gist of it is : Attempts to have last week’s ruling overturned ….
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Thanks Cuntemail,
Can’t see that common sense being jugged again after letting it slip by complete idiots, who ruined people’s lives.
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Social security number?
To be on the dole with a mortgage is quite impressive.
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Is it me or is the PM starting to look like Mrs. Doubtfire?
Take this recent pic for example:
https://thelistlove.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/147.jpg
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Afternoon Harold.
Unlike Mrs. Doubtfire, our jellyfish of a P.M undoubtedly sits down to pee.
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Good afternoon Mr. Cunt Engine.
Got any further trips abroad planned?
Epstein Island sight-seeing tour, that sort of thing? 😆😆
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I think the root of the problem IY is the fact that demand for people with IT skills at any level far outstrips supply. My career in IT was as a hardware engineer and I saw evidence of this problem all the time. Examples; I was often called on to give telephone support to junior engineers. I advised one guy he needed to make a soldered joint. He said he didn’t have a soldering iron. I told him to go buy an iron and solder and claim it on expenses. Silence. When I asked what the problem was he admitted he had never soldered a joint. I was talking to another who was checking impedance on thin ethernet. At one point he said he had a reading of 50 ohms. I asked him whether he had the meter set to ohms or kilohms. In an exasparated tone he told me he had the dial set on the “horseshoe” and the display said 50.
Meanwhile we are still sending some of the brightest youngsters to university to train up in subjects which will saddle them with huge debts and be no use to them in the jobs market or to the wider world.
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Greetings arfurbrain –
Finally a sensible comment on my nom which I thought was clearly explained. But hey I’m an IT nerd so maybe I assume too much.
Anyway, I think you are correct. The demand for the skills is far greater than the supply. Hence it attracts mongs who really ought not to be part of the equation. Especially guptas. Ignorant scum, the lot of them.
The IT industry though is so full of shit too. The explosion in demand for new applications/systems (dating back decades now) could not have been accommodated by any development methodology, but oh no – let’s blame the traditional waterfall methodology and replace it with Agile. Or as I like to refer to it, ‘ignorant cunt developers making it up as they go along’.
Last week I was forced to do some SRE ‘training’ (listening to some gupta from Google drone on and on and on for 4 hours isn’t “training” but I digress). SRE – or Site Reliability Engineering – is one of the latest fads. It’s all about automation and velocity of deployment. Erm…OK…..but then time and resources are factored in to deal with defects, mistakes and general ‘oops I fucked up’ incidents. Here’s an idea…why not slow the fuck down, do the job properly, test everything adequately and then perhaps you wouldn’t need to spend as much resource correcting mistakes which were completely avoidable in the first place? But no, let’s have a new acronym, a ‘new’ method, a ‘new’ must-have technique, market it then sell it to companies who were the same fuckwits who bought into the Agile scam – which also didn’t work and has also been widely discredited.
2 and a bit years from retirement….and counting. Can’t freaking wait.
Your hardware examples were amusing, slightly shocking and totally believable. Some people just cannot adapt to a situation or see the bloody obvious.
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IT?
Isn’t that a puffs job?
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Sorry Arfur, just saw you’d been in IT too.
He hehe 😅
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I think you’re outnumbered on here.
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You cheeky sod Mis. I hope your van turns Barbie pink in the sunshine. Had to do a puff’s job anyway. with my level of physical prowess I’d be fucking useless at your job.
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Degrees? Shirley Bassey had three and still couldn’t put her shoes on the right feet.
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Sheila Ferguson,Valerie Holiday and Fayette Pinkney have one each.
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IT related cuntitude?
Tell me about it!
Once had an issue loading an IT Crowd DVD.
Put the disc in.
Machine just made funny whirring noises.
Fuck!
Unplugged the machine,
Plugged it in again.
TWICE!
Fucking disc still wouldn’t load.
Then the wife suggested I eject the disc,
Turn it over,
And reload.
Guess what?
Worked a treat!
Anyway, as you were.
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O/T,
https://youtu.be/Ew38DzN1yZQ?si=8fWnUt6drHznrzjF
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Anybody have Pope Franny in the Dead Pool?
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I’ve been in IT for more years than I care to remember. I don’t think I’ve ever worked with anyone who had an IT related degree. Biochemistry, law, economics you name it but a HND in computer science is the only IT related higher education qualification I’ve known a colleague to know.
My first manager in IT held an electronics degree but couldn’t wire a plug.
Servers can be on and functioning perfectly well and be secure but the shitty application they are hosting can be flakey and insecure.
It would be interesting to speak to the IT people behind the examples you’ve given, I suspect a lot of the final decisions were made by finance guys with an IT brief.
Financial institutions are pretty transparent as to why they don’t allow VPN access.
Having a degree is great but it doesn’t necessarily mean someone can transfer their academic prowess into useful frontline skills.
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A nice Indian chap phoned me the other day to say my computer had been hacked by an Indian chap so I gave him all my bank details to sort it out then another Indian chap phoned from the bank to say my balance -£4000 today.
Do anyone suppose they are fully I.T trained?
I must say yes,they were very professional indeed.
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Sounds like you have been scalped terry.
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Always wonder how these Paki phone monkeys get our numbers from, Tez.
The latest one being some Char Wallah going ‘Dis is Amazon Prime. We have lifetime offer for you izzineh.’ Then they babble on about ‘my’ Prime account.
Only thing is, I don’t use Amazon Prime and never have.
Scamming fucking apes.
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I had the double whammy one day, Norman .. African accent on the line, claiming to be calling about my amazon prime (nope!) in conjunction with my revolut (nope!) … so – the only time in my life – I 100% confidently and assuredly used that good ol’ 6 letter ‘n’ word as a direct insult in the correct setting. Doubly so, really, .. a coloured person specifically acting the blaggard.
Felt good, gotta be honest! (I gave it a bit of volume as well, for good measure).
The people walking by me at that moment in the street seemed a bit taken aback, though. 🙂
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I don’t have a degree in it. That’s because I was inventing it back in the days when there was no degree to have. That’s why I’m not an arrogant cock end who thinks anyone without a degree is some kind of fucking amateur.
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